Do You Love Me?
by emisonisON
Summary: Emily is in emotional turmoil, trying to come to terms with not only being gay, but also being in love with her best friend. Alison is still playing her hot and cold, sending mixed signals and causing unnecessary conflicts. Their relationship is complicated to say the least, but at least Emily knows that life's greatest rewards are both worth waiting and fighting for.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own Pretty Little Liars or any of the characters. If I did, Emily and Alison would be married and living in Paris together already.**

**Hi everyone! I got so many positive reviews from my last story, and I just wanted to thank you all! I decided to write a new fanfic; this one will be a lot longer :) It starts off a little slow, but I promise it gets a lot better as it goes on. It's all told in Emily's POV.**

**I'll try to update as quickly as possible, and I'll be more motivated to do so if I get reviews! Tell me what you'd like to see in the future, and I'll give you shoutouts for your ideas :)**

**Thanks for reading and ENJOY!**

Chapter 1

Today was a long day at school, as usual. Not to mention that I spent a couple extra hours in the pool to get some additional practice.

I would be lying if I said that that was the only reason I swam longer, though.

The truth is, I can't stop thinking about Alison. Her face is engraved in my mind, and her laugh plays in a loop in my head. It's like a broken record. A truly beautiful, broken record.

I was still soaked with chlorine, so a shower was clearly calling my name. My mom was out late working at the police department, but she said I could go over to one of my friends' houses for dinner if I wanted to.

I grab a fresh change of clothes and head to my bathroom. I couldn't wait any longer to get the cold, lingering water out of my hair and off of my body, and become enveloped in the new steamy water.

Once in the bathroom, I turn the radio on my phone. It's a playlist of one of my favorite bands, Circa Survive. Their music always helps me clear my mind. I flip on the hot water, making sure to turn the valve as far as possible for maximum heat.

I get a text right as I'm stepping into the shower, but I ignore it. It's time to clear my mind: showering is the time that I have the deepest thinking, other than when I'm lying awake at night.

I always, _always_ think about Alison. Not in a sexual way, but…

Okay, sometimes it is. The truth is, I'm almost 100% sure that I'm gay. I mean, I do have a boyfriend named Ben, but I don't think that really matters. He's pretty cute and nice, but I just don't feel that same spark around him that I do with Alison. I thought at first that I just had a serious admiration for her, then I thought it was just a phase, and now I'm beginning to realize that I'm full on in love with her.

Where do I even begin to describe her? **(A/N: Alison DiLaurentes is flawless. I hear her hair is insured for $10,000. I hear she does car commercials… in Ravenswood. Her favorite movie is ****_Life in Paris: An Emison Story_****. One time she met Ian Thomas on a plane and he told her she was pretty. One time she punched Paige in the face. It was awesome.)**

I've been best friends with Ali since about the seventh grade. I'm really shy, so it was pretty surprising for someone as beautiful as she is to approach me. It's weird; I thought that everyone going through junior high was supposed to be hideous and awkward—I know I was—but she wasn't. Ever since I've known her, she's always been put together and (no joke this time) flawless.

I accidentally get shampoo in my eye and let out a high-pitched squeal. I hate it when that happens. I try to flush it out, but the stinging still remains.

Whatever, moving forward.

I have Alison to thank for a lot of things. She introduced me to a new group of friends; I never thought I would have such amazing friends like Hanna, Spencer, and Aria in a million years. It was almost like she handpicked us to be her followers because we were all so different. Hanna, the funny and trustworthy one. Spencer, the smart and driven one. Aria, the artistic and compassionate one. I'm not sure why she picked me, though. I don't know what I contribute to her, but it honestly doesn't matter to me. I know that I would follow her until my very last breath.

The water starts to run cold so I speed up the rest of my shower. I turn off the water and grab the hanging towel from the shower rod. After wringing out my dark hair, I flip it behind my shoulder and head towards the mirror above the vanity.

The room is really fogged up because I forgot to turn the vent on, so I have to use a washcloth to clear the steam off of the mirror in order to see my reflection.

I look really tired. I have deep purple circles underneath my eyes, which isn't a very good look for me. I definitely will need to invest in some more cover-up in the next few days.

I start to comb my hair when I remember that my phone had gone off earlier. I hit the home button so that the screen lights up.

**_Hey Em! You should come over :)_**

******_-Alison_**

My heart stops and I drop my towel to the floor on accident. I swallow with difficulty and stare at the text. I can never get used to this feeling. It has to be love; I don't know what other emotion could be this powerful. Flustered, I pick my towel up off of the ground and tie it back around my body.

My phone lights up again, indicating another text. It's Alison again.

**_Please? 3_**

I blush insanely and clear my throat. My thumbs shake as I text back my response.

**_I'll be there ASAP!_**

I smile to myself in the mirror and shake my head, trying to come back to Earth. I dry myself off to the best of my ability and throw on the new set of clothes. After applying some eye-shadow and mascara, I decide that my appearance is decent enough. I don't have my license yet, so I'm going to have to bike over to her place, which sucks. I hate being all sweaty when I get to her house because she always goes in for the hug and I worry that I smell bad. Recently to counteract this, I've been bringing an extra stick of deodorant and bottle of perfume in my bag, and when I'm less than a block away I freshen up. I hope she doesn't notice that I do that…

I jump onto my bike and head out of the garage. I know the way to Ali's house like the back of my hand. It's only a fifteen minute bike ride and I don't even have to go down any of the main roads. It's pretty convenient that Spencer lives right next door to her, too, so I can visit them both at the same time sometimes.

I feel light and airy; I can't wait to be with Alison again tonight. I saw her a few times at school today, but I have to admit, I was really awkward. I think that's probably why she wants to meet with me—she wants to see if there's anything wrong.

It's just so weird to be around her. I mean, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love it, but I act really creepy. I find myself staring at her even when she isn't talking, which I'm pretty sure is a dead giveaway that I think she's gorgeous. I definitely look at her differently than anyone else in my life, even Ben. She makes my heart feel warm, and suddenly, despite my recent revelation of being gay, I don't feel like an outsider anymore. I know that Ali would accept me for who I am. So why is it so damn hard to tell her that I'm gay?

Sometimes, I even think she feels the same way as I do. She tucks her hair behind her ear and looks up at me in this specific and innocent way. I've never seen her look at anyone else the same way.

Before long, I'm on her front porch. I ring her doorbell feeling nervous. I feel like my knees are going to give out when I hear her feet lightly pattering on the wood floor as she walks towards the door. She swings it open and leans against the doorframe, smiling.

"Hey, Em," she reaches out and lightly grabs my wrist, pulling me inside. "I thought that you would never get here! I'm so glad to see you."

She pulls me into a hug and my legs buckle. She falters a little since my lapse takes her off guard, but she keeps me held upright.

"Rough day at swim practice?" she asks. She leans back out of the embrace so that she can look me in the eyes. She raises her hand and lightly brushes the circles under my eyes. "You look so tired."

"Yeah, uhm," I stutter, not knowing what to say. "Yeah, it's been pretty tough lately."

"Preparing for the big meet? You're so amazing, Em," she smiles wider and links arms with me, leading me off to her room. "You work so hard. I can't wait to see you in action next week."

"Yeah, I've been working hard," I mumble. I'm too enraptured by her smell to think of anything original to say. She always smells like warm vanilla sugar. I want to be forever enveloped by her scent.

"Want me to paint your nails? Braid your hair? Whatever you want," Ali laughs and drags me into her room. She lightly pushes me towards her bed and closes the door.

I can't help but let my mind wander, wishing she had ulterior motives. I flop onto her bed and lean against the bedframe. She follows in suit but sits across from me, crossing her legs. She doesn't have any nail polish or anything with her, though.

"Ali—"

"Emily, I have a confession to make. I didn't ask you here so that I could paint your nails."

"You didn't?" I whisper. My heart is beating a million miles a minute and all of the color has risen to my face.

"No, I—" she hesitates and looks away from me, trying to find a way to phrase her thoughts. "I'm worried about you, Emily. Well, no. That's not it. I'm worried about us."

"Us?" I gasp. I feel like my mind is racing faster than the Daytona 500. There's an us? When did this happen?

"I don't know, Em," she looks down at her hands and rings them. "I feel like you're mad at me for some reason. You keep acting really weird around me, and I've tried to think about what I could have possibly done to make you angry, but I can't think of anything. I thought we were on the same page, but sometimes I'm not sure. You've avoided me occasionally before, but recently it's been gradually getting worse and worse. I can't even talk to you—like right now, for instance—without you avoiding eye contact."

"That's not—" I try to say, but I can't find the words. My tongue feels like it's in a permanent sailor's knot.

She sighs and leans back onto her elbows. She tucks her hair behind her ear and doesn't look at me. I can see a small amount of water accumulating in her eyes.

I clear my throat and wipe my nose. We remain silent, each waiting for the other to speak. I know that nothing is going to happen until I explain myself, but I can't do that. I can't just tell Alison that I'm gay for her and that's the reason why I'm so jumpy around her.

"You used to tell me everything," she finally whispers. "What did I do to make you not trust me anymore?"

I sigh and hang my head. Damn.

"Ali, that really isn't what's going on," I manage to say. She looks back at me and I give her a small smile. "I'm just going through a lot of things. A lot of things that I haven't told anyone about."

She scoots closer until she's basically sitting on my lap.

"Tell me how I can help," she grabs my hands and holds them close to her chin. Her eyes shine like the light reflecting off of the ocean.

"The truth is," I take a deep breath, knowing that when I take this step, I can't take it back. There aren't any 'undo buttons' that actually exist. She looks at me expectantly and squeezes my hands within hers.

"Alison, the truth is that I'm," I bite my lip, "gay."

There's a small, barely noticeable crease in her brows. She is still holding onto my hands, but not as tightly as before. She doesn't say anything; it's like her jaw is clamped shut. She stares at me, her expression unreadable.

I pull one of my hands back from her. She reaches forward, almost like she's trying to take it back. But she doesn't, instead she wipes some of the tears from my eyes. I didn't even realize I was crying, but once I do, it's like opening the floodgates.

Still holding my other hand, she pulls me close into her and into a warm embrace. I openly cry into her chest. With every convulsion, I breathe in her scent.

"I really don't know why you're crying, Em," she says suddenly. Her voice causes me to jump within her arms.

I don't answer with words, only more cries and hiccupping.

"Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of," she tells me firmly. She leans back so that she can have a complete view of my face. She cups it within her hands and kisses my forehead lightly. "I think it's awesome that you're brave enough to admit it. I have so much respect for you, Em."

"Y-you do?"

"Of course I do, sweetie," she wipes my eyes again and brushes my cheek with her thumb. "I'm so proud of you. Thank you for telling me, too. Really. I know it was tough."

I nod. I can feel my face burning and I pray that she can't. She releases my face and folds her hands in her lap.

"Anyways," my voice cracks a little bit, "that's why I've been acting so weird."

"But why is it only around me? Spencer and all of them say that they haven't noticed anything strange, but I definitely have."

My voice gets caught in my throat and only comes out as a small gargle. I suck my cheeks in and try to think of an excuse. My hands start to sweat and I shove them under my legs so that she won't notice.

"Hey," Alison smiles. "Don't worry. You don't have to tell me. You can tell me when you're ready or you don't even have to tell me at all. I'm fine either way."

I nod again and swallow. Her hand is venturing forward towards mine and I close the gap so that our fingers intertwine.

I stare down at her hands and smile to myself.

I had been so scared that if I told Alison about my attraction to women, she would never speak to me again. I exhaled a deep breath I didn't even know I had been holding, and I could have sworn I saw Alison breathe a sigh of relief.

She raises her free hand up to her cascading blonde hair and brushes it behind her ear, giving me the smile that she reserves only for me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone! So, still don't own PLL or the characters... ugh... Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you guys so much for reading! I'm loving the favorites, follows, and responses :) i'm so glad you're enjoying the story! if you like my writing, definitely be sure to check out my completed oneshot "Snow Globes". It's just a cute little story that I think you will all enjoy if you haven't already read it :) it has nothing to do with this fanfiction, but it's still cute... or at least i think so.**

**Rant over. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Everything is still in Emily's POV and will remain so for the entire story.**

Chapter 2:

I ended up sleeping over at Ali's that night. It was so hard to sleep next to her and not reach out and grab her hand or cuddle up next to her. There was one moment in the night that I found my courage and lightly touched her fingers, but she stirred and I rolled over as quickly as I could, pretending to be asleep. I don't know if I woke her up or not, but I didn't try that move again.

I sit up in her bed and stretch a bit. Alison isn't in the room; she's probably making coffee or bagels for us to eat.

I lean over to the bedside table to check my phone. Spencer had texted me around 3am asking if we were all still on for the mall in the morning. I never understand how she can possibly stay up that late. I start getting tired around 7pm, and I'm usually out for the count by 10.

The door cracks open and Alison appears, using her back to open it. She whirls around, carrying two mugs of coffee. I smile to myself. I love how thoughtful she is. She always grabs the same coffee mug for me whenever I'm at her house; it's my absolute favorite. It's a white mug with the Eiffel tower on it, complete with flowers and a beautiful sunset all around. She bought it for me a few years ago before a big swim meet I was really nervous for, and I completely forgot all of the pressure that was on me, and swam the best I ever have in my life. That was before I had accepted that I was gay, but it was one of the moments that I was pretty positive that I was.

I asked her to keep it at her house so that I could always use it when I was with her. I never want to use that mug when she isn't around; I would feel empty.

She sits down across from me on the bed and hands me the mug.

"Thank you, Ali," I smile. I raise the cup to my nose and take a strong whiff of the scent. It's my usual coffee; dark roast with a small touch of hazelnut creamer. She has always preferred a lighter blend, but she always buys dark roast because I like it.

"No problem," she replies. She lifts the cup to her lips and takes a small sip. She blows on the coffee to cool it a little.

"So did Spencer text you, too?" I ask. I blow lightly on my coffee before I drink some. I gag a little; I wasn't expecting it to still be _that_ hot. I can already feel my tongue starting to blister as my eyes water a tiny bit.

I look up to see Alison watching me, an amused expression on her face. She winks at me and then starts giggling.

I sigh; why am I such a loser in front of her?

"Yeah, we talked last night. She said she needs a dress for her date with Toby, so of course the whole gang has to go and help her pick out the outfit," she shrugs. She looks at her nails and then buffs them against the collarbone area of her shirt.

"You don't sound too excited," I mention. I take a big gulp of my coffee; thankfully it has cooled down a lot.

She shrugs again and fingers the bottom of her coffee mug.

"It's not that I'm not excited, I just kind of wanted to spend the day alone with you," she says. She looks at me and gives me a close-lipped smile.

I can feel the blood rushing to my face. She giggles when she sees how much I'm blushing.

"W-we can still do that," my voice cracks as I try to speak. I stare at her with wide eyes, hoping that she didn't notice… but seriously, how could she not?

Her eyes crinkle as her smile gets a little bit wider. I love how her eyes shine whenever she's happy. It's almost as if they're emitting their own ecstatic smile.

"Sweet Emily," she whispers. She reaches out and touches my face, tilting her head to the side.

Her eyes change in a matter of seconds. The smiles vanish and are replaced with a colder expression. She bites her lip and scratches the end of her eyebrow.

"We should get ready," she says as she turns away from me and hops off of the bed. She rummages through her drawers and pulls out white jean shorts and a sky blue tank top, tossing a black coat onto the end of the bed.

"Do you want to change in here or the bathroom?" Ali asks. She doesn't look at me still. Instead she's very intrigued with a piece of imaginary string hanging off of her tank top.

"What?" I ask, bewildered. Since when do we change in separate rooms?

"It's not that hard to comprehend, Emily," she snaps and folds her arms over her chest. Her stance is closed and her expression is harsh. The Alison from moments before has disappeared and been replaced with the cold version of her that I've never actually experienced myself. I've only seen her treat other people like that, not me.

She rolls her eyes and tucks her change of clothes under her arm. She throws the door open and heads toward the bathroom, leaving me in a silent stupor.

My eyebrows furrow as I try to piece together what the hell just happened. She had become so vulnerable for a couple seconds, and I absolutely loved it. She always shows a softer side whenever it's just us two, but it has never been that genuine. It's almost like as soon as she realized what she was doing, she snapped out of it, and to make up for being that open, she had to slam herself closed.

I sit on the bed for a few moments, still in shock. I finish the rest of my coffee and place the cup on the bedside table beside my phone. I swallow and try to understand what I did to make her close herself off to me.

"You're not dressed yet? Jesus, Emily," Alison is leaning against the doorframe with her arms and legs crossed. "Have you even moved?"

"Oh, uh," I splutter and jump off of the bed, stumbling as my feet hit the floor. I fall forward to my backpack and pull out some black shorts and a white band tee.

I pull my shirt off and toss it to the side. Alison clears her throat, and I look back at her. She's purposefully not looking at me, but instead searching through her desk drawer and around her purses. She looks up at the ceiling, evident frustration in her eyes. She groans and leaves the room, still refusing to look at me.

A heavy feeling weighs on me. I'm so embarrassed. I change in silence, feeling low and depressed. I fight some tears that form in my eyes and clear my throat, hoping that that will repress the imminent tears. I fall forward on my knees and let the tears flow out, hoping that Alison won't come back in her room for a while.

"Emily, are you okay?" Alison's voice asks from behind me. Of course she's back. I hadn't even heard her come in; I would have prepared myself and thought of some sort of story of why I was on my hands and knees, crying. I feel her drop to her knees beside me, her car keys clanking against the wooden floor. Her hand lightly touches my head, stroking my hair, and slowly makes its way down to my back.

I rack my brain, trying to think of some sort of excuse. She rubs my back in small, comforting circles.

"I, uhm, yeah, I dropped an earring and I thought that I had lost it," I sniffle. My voice trembles and I avoid her troubled gaze. "We should head out soon."

"Emily," she says, concern in her voice.

"I'll just find it a different time," I tell her, finding strength and pushing her hand off of me. I stand back up and brush off my knees and wipe my eyes. "Let's just go."

"Okay," is all she says. Her voice sounds hollow and empty. She stands up and takes a deep breath before brushing past me and heading outside of the room. I follow in suit, trying desperately to think of anything except for Alison's sudden change in demeanor.

The car ride to the mall is super quiet and uncomfortable. Alison keeps her gaze fixed ahead and doesn't even look at me for a split second. I fiddle my thumbs in front of me and try my hardest not to cry. She's never acted this way around me, and I can't help thinking that it's because of our conversation last night.

We find a parking space a few rows away from the food court, which is our normal meeting place with the other girls. She turns the car off and takes another deep breath, but doesn't unbuckle her seatbelt or take the keys out of the ignition.

"I'm sorry, Emily," she tells me. She's still staring straight ahead, but I can see her lip quivering.

I clear my throat but don't say anything. My throat is dry and I know that if I say one word, I'll just bust out sobbing hysterically.

"I've got a lot on my mind, too," her voice is firm, but it sounds forced. She turns to me, and I can see the vulnerability has returned in her eyes. "But the way I acted this morning… I know it's hard to believe me when I say this, but it honestly has nothing to do with you. Or what you told me last night. Okay?"

I nod but still don't speak.

"Em, please believe me," Alison says, her face absolutely miserable. She looks at me seriously and waits for a response.

A knock on her window causes us both to jump and Ali lets out a small scream. I swear I literally jumped out of my own skin.

Hanna stands outside of the car, waiting and laughing. She clutches the mini collar on her silk tank. Spencer and Aria are beside her, also amused. I open the car door, annoyed, and circle the car towards them. Alison still hasn't moved from the driver's seat.

"I promise I didn't mean to scare you guys," Hanna apologizes, but still remains laughing. I roll my eyes and push past them.

"Are we going or not?" I ask them, annoyed. I could feel my left eye twitching.

"Yeah," Spencer's eyebrows crease and her voice makes it sound more like a question. She straightens out her typical sweater vest and it takes all of my power not to gawk. I will never understand why she always wears animal shapes on her sweaters. Random giraffes one day, and elephants on another. They're always a plain color, too, so that it's hard to see the outlines of the animals, but once you do, it haunts you forever and that's all you can look at.

I hear the car door open and close behind me, and Alison is outside, acting completely normal again. She strokes Aria's hair and compliments her on her 'rocking outfit,' which composed of a red and black plaid mini skirt and a black tank, topped off with a red tie, long black gloves, and a fedora-like hat.

My mouth goes dry. How can Ali act like nothing happened?

Ali leans in to Hanna and links arms with her, being sure to lace their fingers together. They blaze the trail towards the mall, giggling and laughing about Hanna's 'joke.'

Aria follows behind, skipping a bit to catch up. She holds the top of her head so that her hat doesn't fly off. I stare at their retreating figures and swallow with difficulty.

"Are you coming, Emily?" Spencer's voice interrupts my thoughts. She flashes a small smile as her half-up, half-down hair trembles under the cool breeze.

"What? Oh, yeah, sorry," I shake my head and force a smile. She smiles back, but I can tell she knows that there's something wrong. She holds her hand out, and I smile to myself. It's not like Spencer to show affection, especially towards me. She's usually only like that with Aria.

I connect our hands and lean against her shoulder. She doesn't ask what's wrong, but I think that deep down inside, she knows I'm in love with Ali.

Honestly, I think all of them know, even Alison. I push the thought from my mind and try to act excited.

Alison holds the door open for all of us. I'm the last one to get inside, and the cool air greets me with a gust. My shirt ripples and goosebumps form on my forearms. I rub my arms, trying to regain the warmth. I hate that it's almost December and they still keep the air conditioning on everywhere.

"Where do you guys want to hit up first?" Hanna asks. She flips her hair behind her shoulder and squints her eyes as she smiles. "I'm feeling Forever 21; what do you guys think? It has such a variety, so I'm sure you can find a cute outfit there, Spence."

Aria shrugs and Spencer nods in agreement. Alison's silence is taken as consent, and we make our way over.

I keep my eyes on Alison the entire time. Her expression hasn't changed; she doesn't even look phased. Her face is stoic, clearly noticeable by the way that she chews her bottom lip.

She notices me staring and glances over at me. Her eyes are wide, and confused. Her eyebrows crease with worry, as if asking me what was wrong. I roll my eyes; I hate it when she tries to play innocent.

Forever 21 is huge as hell as always. I swear it takes up a good 80% of Rosewood. There's clothes plastered to every wall that trail up as far as the eye can see, and then continue on into a second floor. The racks around the store are all neatly cluttered with all different styles; anyone could find a good outfit here. They're all organized into the typical genres: relaxing, tanks, flannel, pajama-like clothes; 'going out' clothes, comprised mostly of leather and other tight materials; the denim section, full of jeans, jackets, and god knows what else; I could go on for ages. There's basically a section for every mood that you're in and every phase that you go through, and then some.

I glance at the flannel and plaid longsleeve shirts and quickly look away when I see Hanna notices my gaze. I don't really like flannel, I was just thinking about the stereotype where all lesbians where plaid and that kind of stuff. I think back to a couple weeks ago, when Ali was wearing a black and red flannel shirt. It sucks that she can do that and no one thinks twice, but I feel like if I were to do that, it would send off flashing red lights and my secret would be out.

"Emily, are you okay?" Hanna asks me quietly so that none of the other girls notice. I look at her vaguely and slowly nod. She looks at me almost as if to say I was full of it, motioning for me to follow her with a bob of her head. Her blonde hair and icy bleach blonde tips bounce even with the small movement.

I swallow and try to pretend everything is fine and that I'm calm.

"What's up, Han?" I ask, trying to remain casual. I can tell that my left eyebrow and temple are twitching and trembling, respectively, but I don't think she notices.

"I'm just making sure you're okay, Em. Ali has been really worried about you," she trails off as Aria walks by to look at a nearby clothes rack. Hanna maneuvers her way around a couple racks and before long we're isolated again.

She pretends to rifle through the clothes next to us, but I can tell she's not actually looking. None of them are her style in the slightest. She peeks at me without raising her head.

I shiver uncomfortably and roll my shoulders back.

"I don't know why Ali would say that; I don't think I've been acting strange," I clear my throat. Before I can stop myself, I spit out, "Besides, she's a little too fed up with herself to notice anyone else."

My eyes widen and I cover my mouth quickly. Hanna looks at me, bewildered that I would say such a biting remark.

"Yeah, it's things like that, Emily," she says slowly. "I mean, if you say nothing's wrong, then I won't pressure you into confiding in me or any of the other girls. But just know that if you need anything or ever want anyone to talk to, I'm here. You know, just in case you want someone who isn't too fed up with herself."

She smiles and winks at me, giggling a little at her joke. She knows that I tell Ali all of my secrets, but I think Hanna's right. Maybe I should be talking to other people about everything.

I clench my jaw and try to think about everything. If I did tell Hanna about being gay, and about being in love with Alison, she could help be out so much. But then again, it would totally change our relationship. I bite my bottom lip and take a couple more deep breaths before I realize that Hanna's still staring at me, waiting for me to speak.

"I've just got a lot of things weighing on me," I finally say. I give her a small, half smile. "But, Han, I really appreciate it. And, really, when I'm ready, you're going to be the first one I call. I guarantee it."

Hanna smiles without any teeth, which emphasizes the dimple on her right cheek. She rolls her eyes playfully and nods.

I want to get out of there as quickly as possible, but I don't know how to make my escape. I subtly scan the store to look for an escape route. My eyes fall on Spencer, whose back is towards me. She's huddled close to Aria and Alison, casting them both into the shadows. I start to walk over towards them when Hanna suddenly grabs my arm. Her grip is strong, and almost desperate.

"Emily, just promise me one thing," she tells me, glancing at the contact between us momentarily before shifting her focus back to me. I can literally see the concern shining in her eyes. "Promise me that you'll always remain yourself, and just know that you can tell us anything, and we won't judge you. No matter how impossible you think that is, I promise you that we won't. Our relationships won't always remain the same; they'll be growing stronger each day. But I promise that they'll never falter."

She knows. Oh my god, she knows. Oh my god. Oh my god!

My face heats up and I suck in my cheeks, biting down on them lightly.

"Did Alison tell—" my voice wavers, and I have to stop speaking.

"Emily," Hanna lets go of my arm and shakes her head slowly. "She didn't have to. She just had to mention she thought something was off with you, and I put the pieces together on my own. What I'm trying to say, is that I know you don't like Ben."

I frown. Now the thought of being too obvious infiltrated my mind. Did Aria and Spencer know I was gay, too? And do any of them know where my true feelings and desires lie? My chin quivers at the thought.

"Hanna," I try to say, but it sounds more like a groan.

"Please, relax, Emily," she gives me the kindest and most genuine smile I've ever seen. "I'm not going to tell anyone, and I think that you should only when you're ready. I'm sorry if I scared you, I just wanted you to know that I know you're… yeah. I just thought that you should know that I know, so that if you ever want to talk about anything, or like, anyone, I'm here. So you can get a second opinion. I mean, I know Ali is trustworthy and gives good advice—for you at least— but sometimes it's good to hear what other people think, too. And in this case, I'm the other people. Person. Okay, I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore. You get what I mean."

She flails her arms around while she speaks, which is what she always does when she's passionate about something.

I breathe a sigh of relief. So Hanna already knows, but she's not treating me any differently. I think that she's suspicious about my feelings towards Alison, but isn't going to jump to any conclusions until I confirm or deny them. I close my eyes and thank goodness for my friends.

"Thank you, Han," I open my eyes and pull her in for a hug and squeeze her tight. "You don't know how much this means to me."

She coughs awkwardly and tries to pull away. Confused, I let go of her and stare at her weirdly. But she's not looking at me; she's looking over my shoulder.

"Aw, that was so cute," Alison's voice says from behind me. I whip around and see her standing, arms crossed, between Aria and Spencer. "Is there a secret password to get us into this club of secrets?"

I blush, thankful that my skin is dark so it's not as noticeable. Spencer is holding a couple dresses, none of which are her style. I inwardly grimace at how uncomfortable she's going to be in them. Aria clutches a few fashionable articles of clothing close to her chest.

"There's no secret, but I wish there was. You guys are getting so boring on me, you need to spice it up," Hanna laughs. She throws her arm around my shoulder and leans forward towards Alison. "Emily's mom is going out of town in a couple of weeks to see her dad. She didn't want to have to stay at their place alone, so I invited her to stay with me and my mom."

Spencer smiles. "Oh, that sounds fun! Maybe you guys can come over to my place a couple of nights so we can have some group sleepovers in the barn."

I send grateful telepathic messages to Hanna, but I don't dare to look at her. Alison is shifting her gaze between Hanna and me, her expression unreadable.

"Cool, we'd love that. Right, Em?" she nudges me lightly in the ribs.

"Oh, yeah, definitely," I smile. "I hate staying home alone."

Alison narrows her eyes at me but doesn't say anything. There's clear tension in the air around us, but no one wants to address it.

"Well, I was just on my way to the changing rooms to try these on," Spencer announces as she holds up the dresses so that we can see them. "But, Emily, we were just coming over here to tell you that Paige McCullers is over there. She's been staring at you for a while, and I mean, I think you should go say hi or something."

"Maybe you should kiss her, too," Alison says suddenly. My breath hitches and my heart stops, draining all of the color from my face. "I mean, she's practically in love with you, that's probably all she wants."

"Ali, you're so weird," Aria scoffs. She lightly pushes Ali and latches hands with Spencer

"Who can blame her, though, ladies? Emily is quite the mysterious and captivating seductress," Alison purrs, her voice raspy and full of the biting venom of sarcasm.

Hanna lets go of me and steps forward in between us. "Ali, leave her alone. Emily, go say hi to Paige if you want to. Don't worry about what Ali has to say, she's not your owner."

"Lighten up, Hanna, it was just a joke. Right, Emily?" Alison smiles innocently as her fingers dance on Hanna's sleeve. She winks at me when Hanna looks away, and I can feel my blood boiling.

"Shut up, Alison," I snap. Hot tears start to burn my eyes and cloud my vision a little. I clear my throat and try to subtly wipe the mist from my eyes. I push past both of them, feeling a little guilty for shoving Hanna almost as hard as I shoved Alison.

I can hear Alison's chimes ringing even as I walk away. The sound of her laugh echoes in my ears on a loop. I shake my head from those thoughts and try to compose myself. I pull at the frays on the hem of my t-shirt and act as normal as possible.

"Hey Paige," I say weakly as I approach the two friends. I softly smile at Mona, who's quietly shopping beside her. "You both look really pretty today."

Mona's face brightens up and she gives me a huge smile. Ever since she got the makeover, she's been so much more confident. She used to wear weird cashmere sweaters and really long knee socks, completing the costume with nerdy glasses. It was like she was asking people to make fun of her. But one day, after school, I forgot my gym bag in the girl's locker room. I heard some voices in there, and I recognized one as Alison's. I snuck in as quietly as I could, and I peeked around the lockers, careful not to be noticed. Mona was sitting on an improvised chair—Alison had turned some crates upside down and stacked them so that Mona could see in the mirror. There Alison was, giving Mona a makeover. But it wasn't just like her just telling Mona that she was hideous and that she needed to change her look completely in order to be pretty, instead it was Alison telling her to emphasize certain qualities about her. Like how to put eyeliner on so that it makes her eyes pop. Ali gave her tips on how to style her hair, gave her a makeup lesson, and the list goes on and on. The next day, Mona showed up at school in a completely new outfit and with a completely new attitude. She was on cloud nine; boys were noticing her, girls were noticing her, but this time it was in a positive way. Alison pretended to be annoyed and upset, saying snarky remarks about her whenever she got the chance. But I knew differently; I had seen that exact outfit that Mona was rocking in Alison's closet a couple days before.

I think that was one of the main reasons that I fell for Alison. She's a closet good person. She acts all mean and tough in public, but it really is just a front because of her insecurity. Inside, she's a real softy, and she usually only shows that vulnerability to me. That's why I find it so weird that she's been so harsh to me since last night…

I also love the idea that I can bring her out of the closet—in more ways than one (**A/N: winky face**). I feel like everyone should see this nice and genuine side of Alison that she only shows to me, and occasionally to others, like Mona that one day. I don't want her to pretend to be something or someone that she's not; I want her to be honest, not only with me or with other people, but with herself. She's really not a bitch, and I hope that she'll let me prove that to her in time.

"Thanks, Emily," Paige finally manages to stutter out. Her face is bright red and her teeth are chattering nervously. "Y-you look really pretty too."

I can't get my mind off of what Alison said earlier. Does Paige actually like me like that? What do I do? I think she's really nice, but I don't really see her like that… besides, how does Alison even know? She's probably just trying to get me riled up.

Paige sniffs a little and tucks some of her hair behind her ear. I can see her heart beating rapidly through her navy polo. The fabric doesn't deceive me, as it quivers over her heart with every quick beat. She fumbles with her white belt and anxiously tugs at the bottoms of her khaki shorts.

"Thanks," I smile. "So how are you guys? Shopping for any special occasion?"

"One of my mom's coworkers is having a small get together next weekend. It's like a 'fancy party' where you wear cocktail dresses and sip on champagne," Mona answers.

"Mona invited me," Paige interrupts suddenly. I nod slowly, not sure what to say.

"That's good; that sounds fun."

"Yeah," Mona grins and then clears her throat awkwardly as she notices something behind me. Paige looks at her, and we both follow her line of vision. It leads to Alison, who's standing with her arms crossed, all of her weight on one hip. Paige rolls her eyes and Mona looks away, scratching the back of her neck.

"Uhm," I rack my brain, trying to settle the waters and smooth out the awkward situation. "So what are you guys doing tonight? Spencer's having a small get together at her barn later, and I'm sure you guys would be welcome to come."

"Okay," Paige answers quickly, almost before I had finished my sentence. I feel panic sweat starting to form; I hadn't expected either of them to say yes.

"I have a huge exam Monday, so I think I'm going to stay home and study," Mona responds. "But thanks for the invite. Rain check?"

"Oh shit!" Paige exclaims before I can respond. She latches onto Mona's shoulders. "It's in Calculus, right? Ugh, mine is on Tuesday. Can you let me know how it is?"

She groans and hangs her head in defeat. "I'll never understand math. Not to mention that the midterm is coming up, and god knows I'm not prepared for that."

"Well, I don't know how much I can help you with the one on Tuesday, but if you want, we could all get together and study for the midterm together," I suggest. I can tell that Paige is still glaring back at Alison every now and then. "Don't worry, it would be just us three. Maybe we could meet up for coffee at The Brew or something."

"That sounds great!" Mona squeals. She pulls me in for a hug.

Paige breathes a sigh of relief and seems to relax a lot. Her posture deflates and becomes noticeably less tense.

"Cool, well, I'll catch you guys later, yeah? I think my friends are looking to head out soon," I give them a small wave. Mona leans in for another hug and pulls Paige in with her. The three of us are linked together awkwardly and I can feel Alison watching us, causing my face to get hot. I pull away firmly, but still maintain my smile. Alison's eyes are burning into the back of my head like branding irons.

"Okay, so I'll text you?" Paige asks eagerly as she places her hand on my arm. "I mean, about tonight?"

"Yeah," I say without any emotion. "Yeah, I'll text you a time to meet me at my house and we'll go together. Sound cool?"

"Way cool," she gushes, giggling. Her face is bright pink and is matched with a giddy, big-toothed grin. "Oh, wait! Can you come look at this outfit really fast? I was thinking about getting it for next weekend. Do you think it's fancy enough? I'm challenged when it comes to fashion."

I don't say anything, but I let her drag me over to the wall of party dresses in the back of the store. It's almost like an entirely separate room. She goes on and on about one of the dresses, but I start to zone out.

"So will this one work?" Paige asks excitedly. I look it up and down and give a nod of approval.

"Oh, thank you so much, Emily!" she squeals and embraces Mona.

"Okay. Bye," I mumble awkwardly and turn away to walk back towards my friends. I have to go back into the main room and wind around a bunch of clothes just to get back to where I was standing previously. I keep going until I'm standing in the exact same spot Ali was standing in a few moments ago. I awkwardly cough, hoping that one of them will jump out from behind one of the trillions of clothes racks and surprise me.

I check my phone to see if one of them texted me, but they didn't; no new messages. I don't even think it would matter because I barely get any service in the mall. I slowly walk outside of Forever 21 and keep my eyes peeled for them.

My vision starts to fade as my eyes begin to mist; this time I'm not strong enough to suppress the tears. They flow down my face, staining my cheeks with every stream. My face remains stoic, though, and I refuse to make any 'boo-hooing' sounds. I look exactly like I would any other day except for the tiny fact that I have tears violently sliding down my face.

I don't even know what to do. I can't believe my friends ditched me… I search in every direction, lingering in the direction of the food court. I wouldn't be surprised if they just went to get a bite to eat, but the nagging feeling in my stomach tells me otherwise.

With my phone in hand, I decide to head out of the mall and just walk home. It's a couple of miles, but I'll probably be back before dinner. I sniffle, fully aware of the millions of stares and gawks I'm getting from everyone around me. I push my way through the crowd and finally exit through the side glass doors.

The cold wind greets me, and I regret not wearing a jacket of some sort. That's rare for me; I guess I just wanted to show Alison this shirt. We both love Guns n' Roses, and listen to them together all of the time, but she didn't even look twice. Honestly, I don't think she noticed. A sinking feeling envelopes my heart and I begin to feel nauseous.

I take a deep breath in an attempt to calm my stomach. My arm and leg hairs are bristled from the chilly weather. Thankfully the sun is out, though, so it's not as cold as it could be. I silently curse myself for not wearing that jacket.

The previously hot tears have chilled against my cheeks. I lick them away when they slip to the corners of my mouth. My hands rub my arms, trying to create friction to keep me warm.

The easiest way to my house is taking the back road behind the mall. I'm not a fan of walking or riding my bike down the main streets; I always get a ton of cat calls, and that makes me uncomfortable. So, instead, I trek down the isolated roads that no one ever drives on. There's no sidewalk, but since there's never any traffic, it's usually a safe bet to walk in the road.

I feel like I'm being watched, and I glance behind me in time to notice a car on my tail. It's similar to Ali's, but it looks like a different color. Maybe my eyes are just unfocused, or maybe I'm trying to convince myself that she actually cares about me enough to look for me. I turn around, still standing in the middle of the road. The car swerves around me, stopping right beside me.

"Emily, what the hell are you doing? Get in the car," Alison calls through the window of the passenger's seat. She flings the door open and I scuttle in. She exhales heavily and puts her hand on my arm. "God, Em, you're freezing! What were you thinking?"

She fiddles with the temperature dials and turns the heat on full blast. I glance at her hand, which is rubbing my left arm furiously, before I turn my attention towards her face. She's staring straight ahead, but there's noticeable worry from what I can see. Her eyebrows are deeply creased, her eyes are shining almost as if she had been crying, and her bottom lip is trembling.

She suddenly whips her head towards me, changing moods like a chameleon changes colors. Now she looks furious.

"Well?" she demands.

"What? You guys were the ones who ditched me!" I argue. My voice cracks from the cold air trapped in my lungs and throat.

"What the hell are you talking about," she snaps. "I texted you twelve times that the other girls were leaving, but you ignored me and went off with Paige."

"Yeah, that's a lie. Don't you think I'm smart enough to check my phone? I think this was just an 'Alison not getting her way' move."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Emily?" she slams on the brakes, causing me to fly forward. Thank god I'm wearing a seatbelt. Her eyes flash dangerously as she looks me up and down. "If I were you, I would choose my words very carefully."

"Just forget it, Alison. I want to go home," I tell her. I cross my arms and scoot as far away from her as possible. Before I can stop myself, I add, "You know, you really know how to make someone regret getting close to you."

I raise my voice higher than usual and continue, "Just stop the car, I'm getting out here and walking home. I'd ask you to give some kind of excuse to Spencer, but I'm sure it would be lost in space, just like those twelve texts you so frantically sent me."

"I did text you. Check my texts," she says quietly. She reaches into the back pocket of her shorts and gives her iPhone to me. I feel like I'm touching a sacred treasure; Alison never lets anyone touch her phone, let alone use it. I hit the home button, but it's locked. I start to hand it back to her, but she holds her hand up.

"The password is 0817," Alison tells me. I plug in the number in and it opens to the home screen, which just so happens to be a picture of just Alison and me at the beach from this past summer.

I glance at her out of the corner of my eye. I open the messages app and a wave of guilt washes over me. There was a text sent to every single mutual friend that we have, wondering if I was okay and I was with them. There were seven straight texts sent to my phone that I didn't get. I swallow the lump in my throat and throw my head back, defeated. I'm an idiot. I shake my head, mortified.

"I'm so sorry, Alison."

I'm too embarrassed to even look at her. She reaches over and tilts my head back to face her.

"Hey, do you know what that date is?" she asks, ignoring my apology. A small smile tugs at her lips. "The password on my phone?"

I shake my head.

"It's the day that I met you," she leans over the center console and kisses me on top of the head. She lingers by my face and whispers, "By the way, I love your shirt."

**Aw isn't that a cute ending to the chapter? I'm so glad they resolved everything, aren't you? :) The next one focuses on the get together at Spencer's barn! Awkward times await... Feel free to review and leave me any comments, questions, etc! Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello my beautiful fellow Emisonians! I didn't want to leave you guys hanging after that past chapter, especially because I think you'll enjoy this chapter very much! :) thanks so much for all of the follows, reviews, and favorites. You guys are all so awesome!**

**Disclaimer: still don't own PLL or their characters**

**I have nothing interesting to say, so, without further ado... enjoy :)**

Chapter 3:

**Hey, change of plans. Meet me at Spencer's barn. She lives next door to Alison. Text me when you're here **

**–****Emily**

I just finished texting Paige when Alison and I arrived at her house. She parks in her driveway, and we circle to the back of her house so that we can just cut into the Hastings' backyard. The long, untamed grass between the two houses latches onto my legs and makes me itch.

Alison is leading the way, trying to move the random branches out of my path with her free hand. The other one is locked within the contact of my own hand. I take in the warmth from her soft touch and smile to myself.

Once we're in the clear and out of the jungle between the DiLaurentes' and Hastings' houses, she lets go of my hand. I follow closely behind her, but she doesn't take notice of me until she holds the door open for us. As I pass by her, she gives me a close-lipped half smile. My knees almost buckle and my legs turn into Jell-O. She definitely notices, because she covers her mouth and giggles to herself.

I move to one of the couches as quickly as possible so that my legs don't give out. I collapse next to Aria, who's leaning against the arm of the couch, reading a Hemingway novel that I'd never heard of. She looks up from her book and grins.

"Hey, Em," she leans forward and gives me a hug. I look around for Spencer, but she isn't in the room yet.

Alison takes a seat next to Hanna on the loveseat. My heart prickles, envious of Hanna's position. Alison grabs a blanket from beside the couch and flips it over the both of them. They whisper about something and both burst out laughing in a matter of moments. Alison briefly glances up at me and winks.

My stomach sinks. I feel like they're laughing at me, even though I know they aren't. Hanna would never do that to me, especially after so many other people used to do that to her before she lost all of the weight. Alison, I'm not sure of right now. Normally she wouldn't, but she seems like a different person now.

Spencer's barn looks different than the last time I was in here. There are a lot more paintings on the walls: burnt and blackened trees, dark and deceptive oceans, ominous clouds covering a dim moon… I was starting to see a trend in the Hastings' décor. I shiver instinctively and quickly try to cover it up as if I was yawning.

Hanna notices and wordlessly tosses a fleece blanket from the floor next to her onto my lap. She stretches and leans her head against Alison's shoulder. Alison reciprocates and adjusts so that her head is resting on Hanna's. Ali stares down at the ground by my feet, apparently intrigued by my shoes.

"Oh, hey!" Spencer appears in the doorway. She looks shocked and her forehead is creased and she shoots Aria a worried expression. "I didn't know you two were here already."

"Hey, Spence," Ali waves. She still doesn't move her head off of Hanna's. I take a deep breath and try to ignore the jealousy bubbling up inside of me. Spencer gives Ali the peace sign and I roll my eyes. I might be a little bitter right now. Might.

"So, I ordered pizza," Spencer announces. "And, also, look who else is here!"

She gestures towards the open door and Paige walks in. She's wearing dark washed jeans and a purple and black flannel. I bite my lip, suddenly really worried and overwhelmed. I knew that Paige was going to be here, obviously, since I invited her, but I didn't think about how the situation would play out. I hold my breath and wait for someone to speak; I can't find my voice. Alison sits straight up immediately, almost as if Hanna was a hot stove that scalded her head.

Aria puts a bookmark in her novel and places it on the nearby coffee table. She stands up and approaches Paige, gently initiating a hug.

"Hey, we're so glad you could make it," she tells her. Paige smiles and sits in the nearest chair possible, which is a fold-out beach chair. Aria turns her back to Paige and looks at me weirdly.

_What the hell?_ she mouths, eyes wide. My face is turning red and I blow out all of the air I had been holding in. Thank god Aria is a good liar. I look at her gratefully as she moves back towards the couch and sits next to me again.

Paige clears her throat awkwardly, earning herself a death glare from Alison. They exchange caddy expressions and Alison folds her arms and crosses her legs. She arches one eyebrow, daring Paige to challenge her.

"So, who wants to try out the tequila I stole from my mom's liquor cabinet?" Hanna suggests as she stands up and stretches her arms over her head.

No one hesitates to raise their hand.

She smiles and makes her way over to her backpack. She pulls out a full handle of Jose Cuervo Golden Tequila, which causes Spencer to gasp.

"What the hell, Hanna!" she shouts and scampers towards the blonde. "This is so illegal."

"Spencer, don't get your panties in a knot," Hanna rolls her eyes. She cracks the bottle open and takes a swig. She coughs profusely after she swallows and I can see her eyes starting to water.

Alison bursts out laughing as she stands up to support Hanna. She rubs her back soothingly and pats it a few times.

"Maybe you should use a chaser next time," Aria suggests, shrugging her shoulders mockingly.

"Or maybe you should just let the master handle this," Alison says dangerously. She snags the handle from Hanna and shakes the bottle slowly in a circular motion. She looks back at me and licks her lips.

I choke on air and try to regain my composure. Everyone notices and stares at me. Hanna glances between every girl, lingering on Alison. She follows Ali's gaze straight to my beet red face. She scoffs, calling the attention to herself.

"Uhm, ahem, are we going to see 'the master' in action or are we just going to stare at Emily for having a coughing fit?" she demands. She stares at Ali, waiting to see her reaction. Alison rolls her eyes and Hanna takes that as a victory. She subtly glances over at me. I give her a desperate look of gratitude and she nods in response.

Alison doesn't waste any time becoming the center of attention again; she thrives on people's stares. She tilts the handle back and starts chugging the tequila.

Spencer's jaw drops. Aria is keeping time on her phone, Paige looking over her shoulder. Her eye is twitching, and I notice that she's wearing a lot more makeup than she was earlier. It looks like Mona painted her face on; there's no way Paige could successfully create cat eyes without having done it before. Her glossed, soft pink lips glisten under the overhead light. I look away quickly and pretend not to notice.

I didn't even notice that Alison had passed off the bottle to Aria. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, licking the corners of her mouth. She catches me staring and smiles. She takes a seat beside me on the couch and leans in close. I tense up beneath her presence.

"Did you enjoy the show?" she whispers so that I'm the only one who can hear. I start, looking at her with a bewildered expression.

"W-what?" I say breathlessly.

She tilts her head to the side and furrows her eyebrows. She looks at me strangely and says slowly, "Did you enjoy me kicking Hanna's ass?"

"Oh, yeah," I stammer. "Yeah, it was really cool."

I silently curse myself for having no game. I sound so lame whenever I try to talk to her. I mean, it's not like I have a chance in the first place, but I really shoot myself in the foot whenever I'm alone with her.

It's Paige's turn to chug. She holds the bottle to her lips for a couple moments and then puts it down on the table. Alison looks at her suspiciously, and I don't blame her. She didn't cough or show any response to the burn of the alcohol.

"Did you even drink?" Ali narrows her eyes.

Paige flinches at the harsh sound of Ali's voice. She's taken off guard and shrinks back behind Spencer and Hanna, not answering Alison's question.

"What a loser," Alison laughs. Spencer, Hanna, and Aria lightly join in for a few moments but stop when they see Paige's hurt expression.

"I should go," she says weakly.

"Yeah, you probably should," Ali snaps. She rolls her shoulders back and starts walking in Paige's direction.

"Hey, no need to be rude," Spencer says firmly. She crosses her arms and blocks Alison's path to Paige.

"I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking."

"No, you aren't," I pipe up from behind all of the girls. I don't know where I found the courage, but I take a deep breath and roll with it. "I invited her, Alison. If I invite someone, it means that I clearly want them here."

Alison stares at me, sucking in her cheeks. Her temples twitch as she shoots daggers at me.

Paige squeezes her eyes shut and forces a smile. She hugs the other girls, minus Alison. She walks up to me and shrugs.

"I'm sorry, I ruined your party," she mumbles. Her cheeks are bright red and I can feel the heat of embarrassment radiating off of her face. I shake my head and pull her in for a hug.

She relaxes in my arms and lets out a deep breath. Before too long, she pulls away from me and gives a small wave to the rest of the girls.

"I'll see you guys at school," she says. Her voice trembles and it's evident that she's trying not to cry in front of us. She makes sure to grab her keys and wallet from the coffee table and shoves them messily into the back pockets of her jeans. She hurries out without another look. I want to go after her and apologize, but my legs are locked in place. The door slams behind her and jars me back to reality.

"Paige, wait—" I call after her. I shove the door open and run outside. I run to the middle of the field outside of the barn and look around everywhere. "Paige!"

There's no answer. I yell her name a couple more times, only to hear my voice echoing back to me in response.

I let out a frustrated scream and kick the ground. I tremble with anger. Why does Alison always have to do this? She always has to pretend that she's better than everyone else. I bite my bottom lip and clench my fists. I hate how she puts people down to make herself feel better; it's just an obvious sign of her insecurity.

I feel someone behind me and I groan. Can't I be alone for ten seconds?

"Em."

It's Alison.

"You are honestly the last person I want to talk to right now," my voice wavers. I whip around to face her. I can't remember the last time I've been this angry.

"I was just joking," she steps forward and tries to touch my arm. I slap her attempt away and shake my head furiously.

"That's not funny, Alison. It never has been and it never will be," I snarl. I try to take deep, calming breaths, but I'm too fired up right now. "Tearing other people down doesn't make you any better."

She nods slowly.

"You're right," she admits. "I don't really think about how other people feel sometimes."

"You're damn right you don't!" I shout. I don't care who can hear me; I couldn't lower my voice even if I tried.

I try to glare at her, but when I see her hurt expression, I fold and look down, avoiding eye contact. I'm so angry that I'm about to cry, but I don't want to give her the satisfaction. I don't want her to know that she has that much power over me. I want her to stop acting like a completely different person.

"I wish I never told you," I say suddenly. I can see her flinch in my peripheral vision.

"Don't wish that," she whispers. Her voice has lost its power and wavers slightly.

"How can you even say that to me?" I finally force myself to look at her. I step closer, knowing that I hold the power in this situation. This time,_ she's_ in the wrong, and there's no way that she can dig herself out with a lie.

"I don't like Paige," Alison mumbles. Her voice is so low that I have to move closer to hear her.

I don't say anything. I don't want to know where this is going. I don't want to forgive her so easily. I don't want her to stare at me like that. I don't want to care about her.

Ali licks her lips and reaches for my hand, but I instinctively draw it away. An excruciatingly painful expression forms on her face and she does nothing to cover it up.

"I was a real jerk this morning," she says. I nod in agreement; no arguments here. "And I have no excuse for that."

"I know. And even if you did, it would be too complicated, and it would be better if I didn't know about it," I recite the normal Ali lines.

"That's not it," she shakes her head. "Paige scares me. That's why I'm so mean to her."

I don't understand. My forehead wrinkles and I wait for her to continue.

"I don't want to lose you, Em," her voice is strained, as if each word hurts her to admit. "Especially not to her."

"That's not really your decision to make," I respond. I don't mean it in a mean way and she nods to show that she knows that.

She bites her lip and takes a deep breath. All of her walls are down and she's looking at me like I'm the only person in her life that matters. "Emily, I—"

She stops suddenly and clears her throat. She hangs her head and doesn't continue.

"Ali?" I ask hesitantly.

When she raises her head back to eye level, her face has changed. It's still a soft expression, but it isn't as open as it was a few moments ago.

"You're right," she says firmly. "You are so right. I'm sorry, Emily. I just… you're my favorite. I feel really protective over you. And I didn't think that Paige had a snowball's chance in hell to get your attention. That is, until last night."

She lunges forward so quickly that I don't have time to react. She clasps my hands within hers and holds them against her heart. I can't help but notice how quickly her heart is beating.

"I realized that, well, to be gay, you have to have someone that you're attracted to," she speaks slowly. "And then today at the mall, you went off with her and… well, I am scared that, you are… I'm scared that you like her."

I look at her and slowly shake my head. I can hear her shallow breathing and feel myself growing nervous. My face starts to heat up and the conflicts rise in my mind. Why does it even matter to her?

"How can I make it up to you?" she whispers before I can recite my thoughts. She steps even closer to me until our bodies are flush against each other.

My mind goes blank and I'm fighting to keep myself on the air. I hate how much control she has over me. The vanilla scent from her hair wafts into my nose and almost intoxicates me.

"I—I don't know, Ali," I answer honestly. I almost forget what we're fighting about, but I force myself to come back to reality.

She lets go of my hands, and I immediately miss their warmth. I'm about to say something when she begins to stroke my hair.

Before my mind can register anything, she's kissing me, holding my face against hers. I feel like my lungs were just punctured and I don't remember how to breathe. I can't tell if I'm underwater or upside down or in space or what...

She kisses me harder; the taste of tequila infiltrates my mouth. I swoon beneath her touch, taste, scent, everything. Electricity flows interchangeably through us when our tongues come into contact.

When she pulls away, it's too soon. I'm still leaning in for a kiss. Whether it's to continue that one or start a new one, I don't know.

I open my eyes finally. Alison is pale as a ghost in front of me. I'm not sure if she's trying to speak or if she's gasping for air. She bites down on her lip hard and looks me straight in the eye.

"I had to do that. I've been dying to do that since," she trails off and looks back at the barn.

"Since when, Ali?" I ask, eagerly. My eyes are wide as I shift my focus between both of her eyes and her lips.

She rolls her eyes playfully and finishes with a wink. I lightly touch my lips with my fingers, trying to see if I imagined this or not. Some of her lip gloss lingers on my lips and is transferred to my fingertips.

"I'll see you later."

I watch her walk back towards her house; her black coat billows in the wind as she disappears behind the foliage. I know that it's cold out, but I can't feel anything. I'm completely numb to everything except for the feeling of Alison's soft lips against mine.

"Wait!" I call after her. "I'm still mad at you!"

I can hear her beautiful laugh from behind the wall of trees. It plays on repeat within the radio of my mind while I replay our kiss.

**Alright, so not my best work, but I wanted to give you guys a kiss for being so awesome :) i'll try to have the next chapter up within the next couple of days... i just have to write it first haha. I LOVE reviews and feedback, so don't be shy! (ugh i sound like a creepy old fortune teller..) and feel free to give me suggestions or scenes that you would like to see in the future chapters. i'd love to incorporate them. catch you guys later! hope you enjoyed it!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi again! I'm getting so much positive feedback that I decided to dedicate my entire day to writing this chapter so I could submit it today :) I hope you guys enjoyed the last chapter. I've been planning a lot for the future of the story, and I can guarantee you all are going to LOVE where it goes!**

**Enjoy :) lemme know what you think!**

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Chapter 4:

The lunchroom is crowded by the time I get there. Lunch is so frustrating if you don't get there early; I can barely move an inch without hitting anyone.

I'm getting here later than usual because my math teacher took his sweet time going over the exam from a couple days ago. I got a B+ on it, so I pretty much zoned out after the first five minutes.

"Emily!"

I do a full 360 trying to find the person who called my name. I pick out Hanna from behind a sea of people, recognizing her immediately by her black blazer and super tight white skinny jeans. Today she's rocking a red scarf that I think I recognize from Aria's closet. She clacks towards me with her nine-inch heels.

"Excuse me," she shouts and snaps her fingers above her head. The people around us part like the Red Sea, handing us their trays and their spots in line. She raises her eyebrows at me, her smile indicating satisfaction. She grabs ahold of my hand and leads the way to the front of the lunch line. Being friends with one of the most popular girls in school definitely had its perks.

"So, how are things with Ali?" Hanna asks casually. She grabs an apple and offers it to me. I shake my head; she shrugs and puts it on her lunch tray.

"What do you mean?" I try to keep my voice calm so I don't seem suspicious. Did she see the kiss? I slide my tray along the counter after hers, pausing only to grab a carton of chocolate milk. My hand shakes as I place it on my tray.

She passes me a turkey sandwich and a small salad so that we can get out of line quicker. She avoids my question, so I prod her again.

"Oh, I don't know," she answers, but I can tell she's hiding something. She hands the lunch-lady a ten and indicates that she's paying for both of our meals. I smile at her gratefully and follow her lead as she picks her tray up off of the counter and makes her way over to our typical lunch table.

Someone throws a piece of a hotdog and I have to duck quickly to avoid it. I roll my eyes at them; their stupid stunt made me lose Hanna. I wanted to know what she was talking about before when she mentioned Alison.

By the time I reach the table, Hanna has already taken the seat across from Spencer, which leaves the seat in front of Ali free. Aria sits on the other side of Alison, already finished with her food. She's fiddling with the retro camera that Mr. Fitz bought her for her birthday last month.

I take the remaining seat across from Ali and silently sing hymns of praise. I get to stare at her for the entire lunch period and it won't look suspicious! I love either sitting across from Alison or next to her. If I'm across, I can watch her closely without anyone noticing. If I'm next to her, I can brush up next to her and pretend it's an accident.

Ali glances at me for a quick moment and smiles. I unwrap my sandwich and salad, bravely sneaking a longer peek at Ali. She's focused on filing her nails, thankfully. I continue to stare, starting to daydream about having another passionate kiss with her. Subconsciously, a smile finds its way onto my face.

"Earth to Em," Alison waves her nail file in front of my face. I blink a couple of times.

Spencer takes a bite of her salad and chuckles a little. Hanna chomps into her apple, causing juice to fly all over me. She looks at me apologetically and innocently shrugs.

"What's up? Besides Hanna trying to start a food fight?" I tease, gently shoving her away from me. She shoves me back and steals my fork so she can 'nibble' on my salad.

"Hanna, watch where you're spraying," Ali grins at her. She looks me up and down, her focus lingering on my lips. I feel a blush creeping up into my cheeks. "We can't have Emily get anything on her shirt; it's way too cute. You look gorgeous today, Em."

Hanna coughs, but Ali ignores it. She looks at me genuinely before letting her eyes drop back down to my shirt. I follow her gaze; I don't see what's so special about this shirt. It's the same low-cut black and white striped long-sleeve shirt that I always wear whenever it's chilly out, but not cold.

Does she even know what she does to my mental state?

I wonder if she has thought about the kiss at all. It's all I can think about. Every time I see her, my eyes zero-in on those beautifully pink, plump lips. I bite my lip, wishing that it was hers…

"I was just seeing if you're down to come over to my house after school," Spencer's voice saves me from my tortured trance. "I was thinking we could all study or something."

"Ew, that sounds terrible," Hanna groans. "Don't make me change my mind about hanging out with you."

Aria holds her camera up and takes a candid photo of Alison and Spencer. Neither of them had been paying attention, but I'm certain Alison looks beautiful as always. She could never look unattractive, even if she tried.

"Get one of me and Em!" Hanna squeals. She throws her arms around my neck and smushes her face up against mine. Our cheeks definitely make us look like we're part chipmunk. Aria does as she's told and then takes a few candid pictures of us, too.

"Hey, it's your turn," Alison holds her hand out for the camera. "You guys should all go on that side of the table; I'll take the picture."

Aria and Spencer slide over on either side of Hanna and me. We throw our arms around each other and get ready for the picture. Alison looks through the lens and then suddenly puts it back down.

"What are you doing? Snap the picture!" Hanna orders.

Ali raises her eyebrows and her hands simultaneously. "You asked for it."

She lifts the camera into the ready position and starts shaking with laughter, somehow managing to keep the camera steady. She gives me a close-lipped smile that emphasizes her dimples and reaches her eyes.

"But, for the record, Han, you have a huge piece of spinach between your teeth," Alison tells her casually. "How you haven't felt it yet, I'll never know."

The first picture we all looked normal. The next one we're all looking at Hanna's mouth in horror. The next one, Spencer is trying to use a fork to get the spinach out. The next one, we're on the ground crying. Alison smiles at me and laughs with us.

I'm so glad that I have the next class with her. I get to see her for like two hours straight every day. It's history, so the class is really boring, but we usually just write notes back and forth and Snapchat each other. We sit next to one another, but that makes it even more fun.

The bell rings, indicating lunch is over. I groan when I hear it, and so do the other girls. I really wanted a picture of just me and Ali. I could've used it for a future birthday present or something. Or maybe just a picture that I keep on my bedside table… either one.

Alison stands up and slings her backpack over her shoulder. She grabs her mini water bottle and drinks the last couple sips. I begin to move over towards her but stop on the way, not sure what I want to say. Spencer waves bye to us and heads off to her class.

"You okay, Em?" she asks me. I didn't realize that I had been staring.

Startled, I try to recover. I lick my lips and try to think of an excuse, but my mind is drawing a blank. I can feel the blood draining from my face.

"Are you okay?" she repeats, this time with a little more force. She reaches her hand up to my face, her fingertips lightly brushing my cheek. "You look pale."

"I'm okay," I say quickly. Alison tilts her head to the side, clearly confused. I turn to Aria, finally mustering up the courage to ask for a picture, but she isn't there anymore. I groan again, probably causing Ali to worry even more about me.

I swallow and scratch an itch just below my eyebrow.

"Yeah, no, I promise I'm fine, Ali," I assure her. "I just wanted to get a picture with you on Aria's retro camera."

There's a crease in her eyebrows and her chin quivers for a moment. She takes a deep breath and smiles at me.

"Why didn't you just say that?" she tucks a couple loose strands of hair behind my ear and tilts her head to the other side.

"I don't know," I mumble. I feel the same spark of electricity from her touch that I did when we kissed.

"Well, maybe we can get one after school," she starts to walk out of the lunchroom. I speed-walk to catch up with her.

"So, uh, see you in class?" I ask awkwardly. I watch her carefully, being sure to appreciate every moment I get to see her.

She nods and heads the opposite direction as me, towards her locker. I watch her walk away; every clatter of her heel against the cold, tile floor tweaks at my heart strings. Her pink, pleated mini skirt waves with each person that walks by.

I finally tear my gaze away from her and head towards my locker. It's right next to the lunch room, which is pretty convenient. The only thing that sucks is that there are always a few random girls who hang around my locker and gossip about stupid stuff.

I enter my locker combination and pull the locker open, trying to block their conversation. I'm almost done switching out my books when I hear one of them say Alison's name. My ears perk up and I partially close my locker door so that I can hear what they're saying.

"DiLaurentis?" the blonde one shrieks.

"Yeah! They're going on a date this weekend, I heard," her redhead friend whispers back. "But keep it down, it's supposed to be on the down low."

"Why?" the blonde scoffs. "If I was going to a ski lodge alone with Noel Kahn, I would want to _whole school_ to know."

Her friend shrugs and starts to pull her wavy hair up into a ponytail.

"Maybe she thinks that the bigger the secret, the bigger the scandal."

I slam my locker shut and lean against it. The sudden noise causes the girls to jump and they scurry away like ants.

My eyelids feel heavy. I drop my head back and try my hardest not to cry. I should have known that Alison didn't think anything of the kiss we shared. She's into _boys_, not girls. And especially not her dorky best friend who can barely form two sentences without twisting her own tongue into a knot.

The bell rings and my head snaps back to its normal, upright position. The hallway is completely empty; I'm so late for class. I roll my eyes and slowly walk to the other side of the building. Suddenly, I wasn't feeling too excited to see Alison at all.

I try to quietly open the door, but of course it's jammed. I have to tug as hard as I can, and when it finally gives way, it makes a huge creaking sound. My face turns bright red and I stand awkwardly in the doorway.

"Ms. Fields, could you be louder next time?" Mr. Foley asks me, annoyed. He adjusts his glasses and gestures for me to sit down.

I head to my typical seat in the back of the classroom next to Alison, but I refuse to look at her. I can feel her light eyes staring at me, but I ignore the nagging feeling.

The class today is basically just a study hall. I wish I had known that back when I was at my locker; I would have actually grabbed homework. Instead, I have to pretend like I'm interested in George Washington's endeavors so that I can avoid talking to Alison. I don't know how I'm going to act excited for her small vacation.

She slides her desk directly next to mine, leaving me barely enough room to get out. What would happen if there was a fire or something?

"What's going on, Emily?" she whispers. "Did I do something?"

I close my book and shove it into my backpack.

"I'll take that as a yes," her voice is confused and her face is shocked. Her eyebrows are arched and her eyes are narrowed as if she's deeply thinking.

"I'm not mad," I tell her slowly. I definitely sound mad.

"Sure," Alison shrugs my lie off. "Can you at least tell me what I did so that I can possibly defend myself?"

I shake my head, suddenly finding the frayed ends of notebook paper more interesting than life itself.

"Is this," she starts to say, but hesitates and looks all around us to make sure no one is listening. She drops her voice to a barely audible whisper and leans in close to me, "Is this about the kiss?"

I accidently rip the paper I'm playing with in half and look at her, bewildered. I wasn't expecting her to bring that up. My face and neck are crimson. She watches me, not phased, waiting for me to speak.

I finally shake my head, causing her to raise an eyebrow with suspicion. She looks noticeably relieved, though. I sniff and clear my throat, taking a deep breath.

When I look back at her, my heart melts. Her face is inches away from mine; I can see every detail of her skin. She's so close to me, I can see the cover-up on her cheeks, and where she missed brushing bronzing powder on. Her eyelashes blink slowly, none of them clumped together from mascara. I fight the urge to touch her face and take in her scent.

She doesn't say anything, but she doesn't need to. The silence between us doesn't represent dead air or awkwardness. That's something I've always loved about my friendship with Alison. We never had to force anything together. It's nice when you know someone so well that you're completely comfortable with them, even when the only thing you can hear is the sound of the other's breathing.

She licks her lips, moistening her lip gloss. She isn't pleased with it, though, because she pulls her makeup bag out of her backpack and lathers on another couple layers.

"Are you excited for this weekend?" I finally ask. I start doodling on my notebook, trying not to seem overly invested in her life.

Ali leans over the side of her desk and starts drawing on my paper with a purple pen. She smiles and tilts her head to the side.

"What's this weekend?" she asks flirtatiously, as if I had something planned. She continues to draw, writing our initials inside of a heart. My stomach does a backflip and I try to catch my breath.

"Your date with Noel Kahn," I answer, still sounding breathless. She underlines the heart and traces over it multiple times.

Her eyebrows crease and she giggles a little bit, placing her pen down on top of my paper.

"I don't have a date with Noel Kahn," she laughs. "Who told you that?"

I stare at her. I feel like someone just hugged me and slapped me in the face at the same time. I'm happy she isn't dating him, but why is there a rumor? Why don't I feel any better about it?

"Oh, it's just the word going around the halls," I pick up her pen casually and start drawing birds with it. They look more like poorly drawn stars; I'm a terrible artist.

"I'm not dating Noel," Alison smiles at me. She notices my hand shaking and puts her hand on top of mine, steadying it. Now my birds look a little more like they're supposed to, but not much. "I'm not seeing anybody."

"Do you have your eye on anyone?" I sneak a peek at her and look away quickly when I see that she's staring at me, an amused twinkle in her eye.

"I don't kiss and tell, Em," she winks. She rolls her shoulders and stretches her arms over her head. She looks at the clock right as the bell rings and sighs with relief.

"What?" it takes me a few moments to register that the bell rang. I've been too busy thinking about what she said. I wonder who the hell she's talking about. God, I wish it was me, but I'm pretty sure she told Hanna. I think they've talked about my sexuality before, seeing as they're the only two out of our group who know.

By the time I'm back to reality, she's already packed up and almost ready to leave. She starts to walk away, not even bothering putting her desk back into its original place. Most of the class has diffused by now, leaving only a few people left in the room, counting Ali and me.

"Oh, and by the way, Em," she turns back to me. She lightly leans on the back of an empty desk and bites her lip. "You got your facts mixed up. I set someone else up on that date with Noel; I'm not the one going on it."

She grins and makes sure her hair is in place. I love it when she wears it this way. She has it half-up, half-down, with a bright blue clip holding it all together. She keeps a few strands of her bangs separate from the rest of her bound hair. I love that they wisp under the air conditioning and whenever she's taking an exam, she'll nervously tuck them behind her ears. It's funny to watch because they never stay there, so she basically spends the entire class period trying to maintain them. But every time she releases the strands, they fall back to their former position in front of her face.

She snaps her fingers in front of my face and whistles to get my attention. I blink multiple times and stand up quickly, knocking all of my things onto the ground. She picks the pens and notebook paper up gently and slides them into my backpack. She holds it out for me to grab.

"So, I'll see you at Spencer's later, right?" Ali asks. She turns back and waits for me expectantly.

"Yeah, I'll see you," I say quickly. I wipe my mouth and smile awkwardly. She smiles at me by squinting her eyes until they're almost closed. The sight of her dimples relaxes me.

She looks like she wants to say something else, but instead shrugs and gives me a small wave over her shoulder.

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**What did you think? Like it? Love it? Hate it? (hope not...haha) Things are going to start getting a lot more interesting between Alison and Emily, so stay tuned :)**

**i might start working on a different PLL story in the next couple of days. still emison-centered, but one that has A in it. it'll basically be my version of how season 5 should be after that AMAZING episode on tuesday... so yeah, be on the lookout for that!**

**i'll update soon :) already working on the next chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi everyone! I wasn't going to update today because I had work super early, but then i couldn't resist! this is my absolute favorite chapter so far! i think you guys are going to love it :)**

**huge thanks to Paladin4Hire and DefyingLogic2011 for all of your comments and suggestions! they've helped me think of even more ways to make this story even better for you guys.**

**keep reviewing; i LOVE hearing from you guys! seeing all of the feedback inspires me to write more!**

**okay but enough rambling. here you guys are! :D**

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Chapter 5:

TGIF. Today is one of those days that I really understand the meaning. This week has dragged by, probably because I've been looking forward to this weekend even more than usual. I get to Skype my dad tonight; I haven't talked to him in over two months. He can call occasionally, but I like to make sure my mom gets to talk to him as much as possible. I know how hard it is for her to be away from him.

I close my gym locker and put my swim bag over my shoulder. I had a good practice; nothing special. We've all been taking it easy, recovering from the last meet and yet preparing for the next one on Tuesday.

I'm honestly so nervous for the meet. It's against one of our rival schools, and I hate this one girl who's on the other team. Last year, during the medley relay, she tried to lie and get me disqualified for jumping off of the block before my teammate touched the wall. It could've been really bad, but thankfully everyone around had seen the event occur.

I'm so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I accidently run into someone when I'm exiting the girls' locker room. My bag drops to the ground from the impact.

"Oh geez, I'm so sorry," I'm looking down at the ground to grab my bag. When I look up, I smile.

"It's okay, you must be on a mission," Paige responds. "You got some fun weekend plans?"

I shake my head and smile without any teeth. I avoid her gaze, but I'm not sure why.

"I'm Skyping my dad tonight," I admit. "But after that, I guess just resting and preparing for Tuesday's meet."

Paige grins. "I'm glad you get to Skype your dad tonight."

I nod my head and give her a small wave. She speaks before I can fully turn around, though.

"Hey, if you aren't busy this weekend, I mean, I know you just said—yeah," she stumbles over her words. I can see her mentally beating herself up for not being able to express what she's thinking. "We have another Calculus exam on Tuesday. I was just wondering if you would want to maybe study at The Brew tomorrow morning or something?"

She speaks so quickly that I have to lean closer to her in order to absorb everything. I stare at her, blinking slowly, thinking that by doing that I can process what she said. I get the general gist of it though, and I think it's a good idea.

She licks her lips nervously and watches me.

"Yeah," I say finally. "That sounds like a lot of fun. We can grab breakfast and coffee. What time works for you? Like 9?"

Her eyes are bulging out of her head, and I feel like she's about to say something awkward like 'I'll be there any time you want me to be there. As long as you are.'

Thankfully she doesn't; she agrees and thanks me.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," I wave bye to her. She smiles and goes into the girls' locker room. My eyes follow her, lingering at the door for a couple extra moments. I readjust my swim bag on my shoulder and start heading for my car.

I'm just reaching my mom's when I notice Ben, sitting on one of the outside benches. He's pretty far away, so I don't wave or anything, and I don't think he notices me.

Maybe he does. I'm not sure; I honestly sort of forgot about him. I guess we aren't dating anymore. We haven't talked in over a week, and neither of us seems like we're going to make the first move. I can't say that I mind at all, though. I would have felt uncomfortable breaking up with him; I hate hurting people's feelings. And I'm not trying to say that he was like in love with me or anything, but all breakups hurt. It's a rejection that no person wants to go through, even if they aren't emotionally attached to the other person.

I climb into the car and put my seatbelt on. I lean my head against the headrest behind me and sigh.

"Hey mom," I say. I haven't even looked at her yet, but it's weird that she hasn't even said anything.

I glance over her and instantly feel terrible. Her eyes are puffed up and swollen, making it very evident that she had been crying.

"Hey honey," her voice is nasally. "How was school?"

She sniffs and wipes the bottom of her eye.

"It was fine," I watch her apprehensively. "Is everything okay?"

She wipes her nose on her sleeve and gives me a small, forced smile.

"Of course, honey," she reaches out and rests her hand on my cheek. "I just miss your father so much. He just called me earlier to tell me that he can't Skype us tonight."

I lean into her touch and try to smile, but I can't. I take a deep breath, not sure what to say. It stings that he can't talk to us tonight. I was really looking forward to seeing him…

"I was thinking," my mom starts, but hesitates at first and then stops completely. Her hand drops to the center console with a thud.

"What?" I move forward to grab her hand and hold it. She smiles at me appreciatively.

"I want to go visit him," she starts, "but I don't want to leave you. And I can't take you with me because you have so many other things going on and I don't want you to fall behind in school. It's too much money to fly all of the way to Texas just for a few days."

I nod grudgingly. I hate that I hold her back from seeing him. I'm not a kid anymore, so I wish that she stop treating me like I need a babysitter all of the time. I understand that she's worried about me, but she should stop compromising her feelings for me. If you do that for too long, no one ends up happy.

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I don't even know where I'm walking to or how long I've been walking. As soon as my mom and I got home, I had to go for a walk. I couldn't be just sitting alone in my room, listening to the sounds of my mom crying downstairs. I wish I was back at school, in the pool. If it wasn't such a long bike ride, I would just go myself. It sucks not having my license yet.

My palms are sweaty despite the chilly air. I shove my hands into the pockets of my letterman-style jacket to try and keep warm. The cold wind cuts through my jeans and gives my legs goosebumps.

"Emily?"

I look up at the sound of my name. I'm in a delirium, but I recognize Alison sitting on her front porch reading. I didn't even know I had wandered here or why.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" she all but throws her book on the ground beside her and rushes over to me. She holds my arms just below my bicep, rubbing them a little bit. "What's wrong?"

I look at her, confused. I open my mouth to speak, but all I can think about is how chapped my lips are. I shiver a little and touch the damaged skin gingerly.

"Come on," Ali says softly, and leads me inside. She doesn't even bother to grab her book off of the porch, instead she laces her fingers within mine.

Going from the cold outdoors to Ali's warm house shocks my body. It causes me to convulse a little bit at first, but then I start to defrost.

"Do you want any coffee? Tea?" she asks from over her shoulder. Our hands are still connected, causing me to smile to myself a little.

"I'm okay, Ali, really," I tell her as we're crossing over the doorway into her room. "There's not even anything wrong."

She looks at me suspiciously but doesn't push me.

"Okay, fine, fine," she shrugs her shoulders and sits down on her bed. "But at least stay here to warm up a little bit.

I remain in her doorway, not budging.

"Or at least just to keep me company," she smiles and bats her eyes at me.

I can't help but smile and break down, walking over to join her on her bed. I flop down next to her, trying not to show any emotion. I don't need to load all of my problems onto her; she has her own to deal with.

She hops up from her bed and starts rummaging through her dresser. I can see her face through the reflection of the mirror. There's a light pink tint on her cheeks that makes her blue eyes sparkle more than normal. Her eyes are smiling, but I can tell she's hiding something.

"What do you think of this color?" she turns around and leans against the dresser, holding out sea-foam green nail polish. She raises it to eye level to get a better look.

"That color's pretty," I answer. Ali smiles, her dimples showing. She approaches the bed slowly, as if contemplating bringing something up.

She relaxes herself against her bedframe and gestures for me to surrender either my hands or feet. I lift my leg so that my left foot is on her lap.

"There's nothing wrong, Alison," I repeat. I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince. Maybe if I keep repeating it, I'll start to believe it.

"I never said there was, sweetie," she doesn't look up from the nail polish. It's cold against my toenails as she applies the first couple swipes.

I hate that I can't keep anything from Alison. Just her look alone makes me want to tell her my entire life story. In fact, it's not even that. She's not even looking at me and I feel this way.

"It's my dad," I breathe. She looks up for a moment and gives a quick, small smile, encouraging me to continue. "My mom is really upset about not having him around. She wants to go visit him, but she can't leave me here alone."

"I'm sorry," she says, and I really believe it. Her voice is sincere and firm. She looks up at me again, this time for a long period of time. She blindly puts the nail polish away and to the side. I sit there expectantly, waiting for her to speak.

She takes a deep breath and continues. "I know that this is hard for you, too, Em. And I want you to know that I'm here for you, and so are the other girls. But I think that your mom should go tonight. You can just stay here with me. My mom would _love_ to have you here; she's obsessed with you. She thinks that you're in love with me."

I chuckle nervously, and I'm glad she's not looking at me anymore. My face is red and my breathing is shorter than normal. I know I have to say something, I just don't know how to respond.

"I don't know why she would think that," I say quietly. I hope that she doesn't notice my voice trembling.

"You don't?" she looks at me seriously. I can tell she's trying to read my expression, and I hope that I don't appear as nervous as I feel.

I shake my head and swallow. We sit in silence for a few moments but she doesn't reach for the nail polish.

"Emily," Alison says suddenly, "why do you care if I'm dating Noel Kahn?"

Her question takes me off guard. I try to think of an excuse, but my mind is drawing a blank. I can feel that my time to answer this question is starting to disappear; if I wait much longer it'll seem suspicious.

"Why do you care if I like Paige?" I blurt the first thing that comes to my mind. Immediately I clap my hands to my mouth, staring at her wide eyes.

She looks taken aback, but impressed. She has an amused smirk on her lips and nods slowly to acknowledge my point.

"I—I'm sorry," I try to say. My hands are still over my mouth. "I didn't mean anything."

Alison throws her head back and laughs. I tilt my head in confusion.

"Don't be sorry for asking what's on your mind," she's still looking at the ceiling. "I don't want you to think that you can't talk to me about certain things. I won't be offended or weirded out; I want you to be able to be honest with me, just how I like to be honest with you. I want us to be on the same level."

Alison makes eye contact with me, rarely blinking. It's like she's challenging me in some way, but it's not negative. I can't help but smile in response, causing her eyes to soften.

"Well, what level are you on?" I ask tentatively.

"I'm on any level you want me to be on, Emily," her voice is low and sultry. It takes all of my willpower not to jump across the bed on top of her.

She leans forward off of the bedframe, making very small movements closer to me. Her face is different than normal. She seems so open; her eyes are so honest. I feel like she could tell me anything that I asked her in this moment, even things that she has never told anyone else. She licks her lips subtly as she scooches towards me.

My heart is pounding. That was definitely as flirtatious as I thought it was, right? I'm not reading too much into it? My face starts to heat up and I can feel nervous sweat forming on my palms.

Right as her hand touches my knee, my phone starts ringing. Alison jolts up so suddenly that she falls off of the bed, and I can feel my skin tingling.

I locate my phone on her bedside table to see who's calling. It's my mom.

"Hello?" my voice is still shaking as I answer.

"Hi Emily," she responds. "Are you okay? I haven't heard from you in a couple of hours."

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine, mom," I tell her. Alison is still sitting on the floor, dazed. "I'm over at Ali's right now, and I was just going to stay the night."

"That's fine, honey," my mom sounds better than she did earlier. "I talked to Hanna's mom, and she said that if I ever wanted to go visit your dad, she would be happy to watch you."

"Oh, really?" I can't hide the excitement in my voice. "That's great! Alison mentioned that I could probably stay here, too."

"Well, we can talk about it more in person tomorrow. I love you, honey."

"I love you too, Mom," I smile and hang up.

"So, you're just inviting yourself over?" Alison teases. She's moved from the floor to the side of her bed.

I roll my eyes.

Alison gets more comfortable, sliding under her covers and laying her head on her pillow. She props herself up on her side and continues to watch me.

My smile drops. _Shit_. I forgot about studying with Paige tomorrow.

She notices my sudden change in expression and cocks her head to the side, wordlessly asking what's wrong.

"Alison, I can't spend the night," I tell her. "I, uh, I promised Paige that I would meet her at The Brew tomorrow morning to study."

"Okay," she doesn't look affected at all. She waits for me to say something else, but I don't have anything.

"That's all."

"But what does that have to do with spending the night? I have my Calculus book here—that's what you're studying, right? You can just use mine. I'll drop you off tomorrow," her voice is nonchalant, like she's been best friends with Paige for years.

"Oh, I—well," I sit on the edge of her bed and furrow my eyebrows. I guess that works. "Well, I mean, that could work."

"Of course it will," Ali beams at me. She pats the mattress beside her, gesturing for me to come lay down with her.

"It's at 9," I tell her. She rolls over towards her phone and sets three alarms, all between 8 and 8:30.

I want to make sure that she's not just messing around with me. I don't know if she would pass up on an opportunity like this. It would be the ultimate setup for Paige if I didn't show.

"Why are you doing this?" I echo my thoughts. I can't help it when I become curious; I need answers from her.

"Doing what?" she turns to look at me. When she sees my face, she smiles to show that she understands. "Emily, you're my best friend. I love the other girls, but you are the one who is going to be with me throughout life. Throughout all of the good times, the bad times, the highs and lows, successes and struggles; the list goes on and on. I told you the other night that I _will not_ lose you to Paige, and I know that by treating her the way I've been treating her—"

She hesitates and rolls her eyes, not wanting to continue.

"She's your friend," she tries a new approach. "And if I treat her worse than the gum that I find on the bottom of my stiletto at the end of the night, things aren't going to go well. I'm going to end up losing you anyways. So, in the long run, even though I have a couple laughs at her expense, it isn't worth it. I'd rather still have you in my life, still thinking highly of me."

It makes me blush that she values my opinion. I smile to myself and roll over as she flips off the light beside her bed. I can't see her, but I've never felt so intimate with anyone. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but just in general.

We're silent long enough for me to think that she's fallen asleep.

"Your opinion is the only one I actually care about," she whispers, barely audible.

I hear her exhale and wonder if there's any possibility that her heart is pounding just as hard as mine.

* * *

**what did you think?! can't wait to hear all of your comments. this was definitely one of my favorite scenes so far to write. i really hope you enjoyed it! i probably won't be able to update until monday night or tuesday, but i'll try and crank out another chapter for you guys :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi everyoneeee! Sorry it took me so long to update; i've been so busy. Thanks for being patient :) i think this chapter is definitely worth the wait, though. i wanted to make sure it was absolutely perfect, so i had a few of my friends (also huge PLL and Emison fans) edit and critique it. that made it take a little bit longer than usual, too. can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter!**

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Chapter 6

Getting out of bed is next to impossible. Alison's alarm rings from the bedside table, but neither of us move to turn it off.

I inwardly groan because I had such an amazing night. Alison and I touched hands _twice_; I thought I was going to pass out. She finally stirs and turns the alarm off, turning her back to me. I examine the pink camisole that covers her smooth back. One strap has slipped down onto her shoulder. She readjusts it and gets out of bed. Any sign of warmth and comfort instantly leaves the bed when she does.

"Want some coffee?" she asks. I love the way her voice sounds in the morning. It still has the signature sweet and sultry purr to it, but there's also a raspy quality that is recognizable. She turns to me expectantly and I almost forget that she asked a question.

"What?" I instinctively ask. It's not because I didn't hear her, but because I'm stalling until I register what she's said and how I should respond.

She chuckles and smiles until her eyes squint and the dimple on her left cheek appears. I feel my face heating up again and wonder if she knows what effect she has on me.

"I think I'll just wait until I get to The Brew," I tell her. "Too much caffeine makes my head hurt."

She gives a small 'mhm' in response and starts to look through her closet for an outfit.

I bite my lip when I remember that I don't have any clothes with me. I forgot that I had just randomly walked over here without any bag, and really without any clue of what I was doing.

I think Alison reads my mind, because by the time I look up, there's a pair of dark-washed jeans, a baseball style red and white tee shirt, and a black coat. I look at them and furrow my eyebrows. I'm grateful that she thought of me, but there's no way I'll fit into her clothes. I'm a lot taller than she is.

"They're yours, Em, no need to be scared," her muffled voice calls from the closet. "You let me wear them home that one day that we walked home from school in the pouring rain. Well, to your home."

Oh, that's why they looked so familiar. I smile and nod, but remember that she isn't facing me.

"Oh, thanks," I stand up off of the bed and hold them out in front of me.

"Don't worry," her hair flips behind her as she turns to face me, "I washed them."

She winks and I blush like crazy. But then I remember something that causes my face to fall.

"Do you want me to change in the bathroom?" I mumble. I swear my heart stops as I await her answer.

She narrows her eyes, but doesn't answer, and walks in front of her desk. She has her back to the mirror and puts some of her weight on the edge of the wood.

"I knew you were going to ask me that," she grins, but it seems fake. She shrugs her shoulders and pushes herself off of the dresser.

I swallow and lower my gaze to the ground, shuffling my bare feet against the floor.

"I was weird that day," she tells me softly. "I had a lot of things going on, and I took them out on you. I'm sorry, Emily."

I nod, indicating that I accept her apology. I take it that she's telling me that she doesn't care where I change, though. She looks in the mirror, smiling at me through the reflection before starting to adjust her hair and style it.

I change clothes as quickly as possible so I don't make her feel uncomfortable again. I don't think that I'd be able to handle another day with Alison mad at me.

When her hair meets her expectations, she pulls off her shirt to change into her own outfit. I'm thankful that her eyes are closed right now, because I'm totally checking her out. I never get used to how fit she is; her body is so toned and smooth. Her stomach has the same bronze tint that the rest of her skin has.

It makes me smile. _She_ makes me smile.

"What?" her voice interrupts my thoughts.

I look up from her stomach to her face in horror. She has an amused expression on her face, her right eyebrow arched and a smirk on her lips.

"Oh, I'm—I'm—" I can't form words. I can't even think straight. My stomach is doing flips and I feel nauseous.

She licks her lips and finishes changing. She's wearing a silky red shirt and black jeans with a white jacket. No outfit of Alison DiLaurentis would be complete without wedges or high heels, and she picks the latter for today's outfit.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to stare," I finally spit out. I feel like I just exhaled all of my breath with that sentence.

Alison ignores me and instead asks, "Do you want to get going? I don't want to keep Paige waiting."

Her voice sounds genuine, but she looks disappointed. I check my phone for the time and inhale sharply. It's already ten minutes to 9. Where the hell did time go?

I nod frantically and start to speed-walk out of her room. She grabs my arm when I'm almost to the doorway. I stop, startled, and look back at her. She has a serious expression.

"You're forgetting my Calculus book."

"Oh," I breathe, a little relieved that there isn't a more serious matter at hand. There's an edgy feeling in the air.

I grab her book off of her desk and smile.

"Ready to go, Ali," I say. I somehow manage to say her name without stuttering.

She takes a deep breath and brushes past me. She moves quickly through the house and through the front door. I follow, having to quicken my pace to catch up. When she opens the front door, I shudder. It's gotten to be so cold out recently.

* * *

We enter The Brew and I instantly spot Paige. I give her a small wave and give her the 'one second' gesture. Alison was determined to come in and get coffee, no matter how many times I tried to hint that it wasn't a good idea. I follow her like a lost puppy and wait in line behind her. Paige cranes her neck to see where I went and her face drops on the spot when she notices Ali. I feel a sharp pang in my stomach, suddenly feeling super guilty for letting Ali take me this morning. I knew it wasn't a good idea.

"One large dark roast, one large cappuccino, and one—" Ali pauses and looks back at me. "What does Paige like?"

"Huh? Oh, I think probably just regular—"

"And one caramel macchiato," she interrupts me. She glances back at Paige before looking at the person behind the counter. "That last one is for her."

She pauses to point over to Paige, who stares at her with wide eyes.

"So," Alison continues, "if she doesn't like it, here's five dollars toward her next drink. If she does like it, then you can keep the tip."

The barista smiles brightly and accepts the money. He holds his hand out for the rest of the money owed while another person gives me my dark roast. Ali hands it over and waits for her change.

"What are you doing?" I hiss at her when the baristas hand her both the cappuccino and the macchiato.

"What?" she looks at me weirdly, like this isn't abnormal behavior for her. "I'm not allowed to buy you coffee?"

I shake my head, confused. Something is off with her.

She turns her heel and clacks her way over to Paige's table. She places the coffee she ordered for Paige in front of her and smiles.

"I didn't know what you liked, so I just guessed. If you don't like it, that's okay, I've already paid for your next coffee," she says sweetly. "You look really pretty today, by the way."

What the hell?

I slowly sink into my seat, staring at Alison. She's acting like they've been best friends for years. I take a quick peek at Paige, who is looking at me with the same confused expression. She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and scratches under her eye, which I can see she lathered with makeup again.

Ali tilts her head and crosses her arms. She looks at Paige expectantly.

"Uhm," Paige doesn't know what to say, but Ali is clearly waiting for something. "Thanks?"

Alison beams in response and puts a hand on her shoulder.

"No problem! Are you guys hungry?"

We shake our heads no.

I don't know what the hell is going on. I'm clearly anxious, waiting for something bad to happen. I'm just waiting for Alison to pour hot coffee on Paige's head or something.

But she doesn't.

"Well, I'll see you guys later," she gives us a close-lipped smile. "Good luck studying."

She turns to leave before twirling back to face us almost immediately. Her hair whips around, springing back to its normal, perfect position when she stops moving.

"I almost forgot," she touches the ends of her blonde hair, "Emily, I do kind of want that book back tonight or tomorrow, though. I need to study, too."

She doesn't wait for me to respond. I gape at her back while she walks away from us; a bell on the door rings as she leaves the café.

"What the hell was that?" Paige repeats what I've been thinking this entire time. I tear my eyes away from the door so that I can look at her and shake my head.

"I have no idea," I answer honestly.

She shrugs her shoulders, but still looks bothered. Her face is pensive and she hasn't cracked a smile.

"Well, we should probably get to studying," I say.

"Yeah," Paige agrees. She looks back at the door Alison just exited through and frowns. She bites her bottom lip and her eye twitches.

I can tell she's questioning Alison's intentions, just like I am. She takes a deep breath and I watch her chest rise and fall; her breathing isn't steady like Alison's.

I'm not sure why Alison is doing this, but I wish she would stop. The fact that she's willing to put a childhood quarrel behind her for me just makes me like her even more. I clench my jaw and try to shake her from my thoughts, but everywhere I look, I see her.

I flip through her book so I can get to the chapter the exam is on. I smile softly to myself when I see the doodles all over the page. She has stars and hearts sketched all around it, and they're all perfectly shaded to make them seem 3D.

"What's up?" Paige asks when she notices me smiling.

"Huh?" I look up, startled. "Oh, nothing, I'm just thinking about how happy I'll be once this exam is over."

"Yeah, but then we have that giant swim meet after school," Paige watches me to see my reaction.

I shrug my shoulders and pretend to be nonchalant. I don't want her to know how much I'm freaking out about that, too.

I take a deep breath and lean back in my chair. I can't get Alison off of my mind. I need to see her; I wish she was here now. Why didn't she stay?

Oh, right, because I basically forced her not to. I grimace inwardly and pull my phone out. I need to tell her how I feel. If she's acting this way, maybe it means she could feel the same way. But just thinking about it is torturing me. I need to know.

I scroll through my contacts until I land on her name, but then I pause. I don't even know what I would say. I shove my phone back into my pocket, clearly disappointed. I know Paige is picking up on it, but thankfully she doesn't ask me.

I turn my attention towards the Calculus book and try to force myself to get some studying in. I take a small sip of my coffee. I notice that Paige hasn't had one sip of the coffee Ali bought her.

* * *

"Hey, Ali, your mom let me in," I knock on her bedroom door and slowly creak it open. She's lying on her bed, back against the bedframe, with a book propped on her lap. She writes a couple more words before closing it and sliding it into the top drawer of her bedside table. I swallow and all of my senses are starting to become numb. I watch her, waiting for the right words to say to say.

She doesn't say anything. The silence makes me a little uncomfortable, which is a first for us. It's normally really peaceful and natural between us. My heart pounds and I'm so nervous, my throat is almost completely closed; I can't swallow and it's hard for me to breathe.

I move slowly over to the corner of her bed and sit down. I can tell she's feeling awkward, too, but definitely not as nervous as me. She couldn't possibly know what I was about to say.

"So, how was studying?" she asks. I can tell she knows something is off.

"It went well, I guess. Oh, wait," I rummage through my backpack and pull out her book. I hand it over and she places it beside her without even looking at it.

"I like your drawings," I tell her when she still doesn't say anything. She gives me a half smile.

"Thanks."

"Alison," I say suddenly. I need to rip the Band-Aid off. "Alison, I need to talk to you."

She looks at me like she's been expecting this. She lowers her face a little, waiting for me to continue.

"I—I don't know why you did what you did this morning," I stammer. I look down at my thumbs and start picking at my nails. I can't look at her without my heart stopping. "But, I want you to stop. I can't handle it. Please."

When she doesn't speak for a while, I start to panic. My hands are sweating and my entire body is starting to get clammy. I try to scoot closer towards her but my arms almost give out and I only make it halfway.

"I'm not sure," Alison pauses to take a deep breath and tuck some strands of hair behind her ears. "I'm not sure what you're asking me to stop, Em."

I'm almost hyperventilating. She reaches forward and puts her hand on my knee; that doesn't help my nervous situation.

"What's on your mind?" she asks gently, giving my knee a barely noticeable pulse with her hand.

"Alison," my voice cracks when I say her name. "Y-you know how I told you that I was gay?"

She nods as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. I take a deep breath and spit out the words in one quick exhale.

"IthinkIloveyouAli."

She raises her eyebrows.

"One more time, Em, I didn't get that," she says quietly. She watches me closely, waiting for me to speak.

"I love you," I repeat, this time slower.

She takes her hand off of my knee slowly and hides it behind her back. Her eyes are wide and she shakes her head, barely moving. With every second that she remains silent, more color drains from my face.

I want her to say something, but I don't know what. _Please, say something, Ali,_ I beg her in my mind. I hope that she can read my thoughts, but her expression doesn't change. She doesn't look surprised per se, but she looks… scared. She blinks furiously, almost as if she's fighting tears.

"Alison," I say hoarsely. "I—"

She cuts me off without saying anything. She gives me a close-lipped smile and a small nod.

I wait with bated breath. She opens her mouth a couple times and then closes it.

"Emily," she clears her throat. "I don't know what to say, honestly."

I feel like my heart is being stabbed repeatedly. I don't want her to go on, but I want closure. I need closure.

She takes my hand within her own and raises it to her lips, softly pressing them against it. Her breath lightly tickles my skin.

"I—" she starts, but lowers her head, smiling. She looks back up at me sweetly and squeezes my hand. "Thank you for being honest with me. I'm just not sure what to say, Em. Like I said before, I'm really conflicted right now."

I don't understand, and she can read it in my eyes. She bites the inside of her cheek and sucks in her lips. Her face looks like she didn't mean to say that much. She clears her throat awkwardly and looks down at the wooden floor.

"I'm so sorry, Alison," I whisper. "I shouldn't—I didn't mean to put you in this awkward—"

I can't even finish my sentence. I sniffle and fight back tears. I wish I had never said anything.

"I should probably go," I tell her quietly.

She doesn't react; I'm not even sure that she heard me.

I stand up from her bed and my legs feel like Jell-O. I don't know how I'm going to even take a step forward without collapsing.

Alison usually walks me out, but it's clear that tonight she isn't going to move. She remains silent, still staring at the ground. I give her one last glance over my shoulder before exiting her room completely.

Even though she wasn't looking at me, her face looked broken.

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**:D yep, emily has admitted that she loves ali! it's all about to get real awkward lolz. **

**anyways, how did you guys like this chapter? i like having alison act a little differently. like, actually be nice. i feel like the show makes her a little too harsh sometimes; i like to believe that she has changed. so that's where i was trying to go with that.**

**please let me know what you guys think! i won't take that long to update again! can't wait to hear from you guys :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Oh hay everyone. I'm SO SO sorry it took me so damn long to update. I've been having the worst writer's block in the world, but it has gone away and now I can focus on the story again :)**

**This is a short chapter; it's really just a bridge to the next one. I hope you guys enjoy it!**

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Chapter 7

"Emily, did you hear anything that I just said?"

"What?"

I peel my face off of the kitchen table and look in my mom's direction. She's staring at me expectantly, both hands on her hips. I shake my head slowly and close my eyes again.

I feel like I have a hangover, but I didn't drink last night. My head is killing me and my body is just so fatigued. It's definitely from crying all day Sunday and all of last night.

Alison hasn't contacted me at all. I've texted her a few times, just trying to keep it normal. I even called Hanna last night, and apparently she had gotten coffee with Ali that morning. She said Ali seemed really distant and out of sorts…

I seriously regret telling Alison how I feel. For some stupid reason, I thought there was an inkling that she could have felt the same way. I was so wrong. I just wish that I had never done it. I would rather lie about my feelings for her and have her as a best friend than be honest with myself and her, just to lose her.

My mom's still talking to me, but I can't even focus on her right now. I wipe my face with my hands and give my cheeks a small slap to wake myself up.

I think my mom can tell that I'm not really present because she walks out of the room in a huff. I grimace; all I do is annoy everyone around me.

I sigh to myself. How can I go back to normal with Alison? I mean, I guess I could just pretend that nothing happened and we could never address it and move on. I'm willing to make that sacrifice, really. Anything to get her back into my life, even if it's just as a best friend. I would pretend to be the happiest person in the world if it meant that I could just be in her presence.

"Emily, Hanna's here," my mom calls from the living room. She's peeking through the blinds and waves at Hanna.

I grab my backpack, give my mom a hug, and then head out the door. It's drizzling outside, so I pull the hood of my jacket over my head to keep my hair dry. My breath is visible as I lightly jog over to the passenger's side of Hanna's car.

"Happy December, Em-azing," Hanna smiles flirtatiously. I roll my eyes and shut the car door behind me.

"Please just drive," I tell her, annoyed. I don't even look at her as she pulls out of my driveway.

"Whoa, are you okay?" Hanna glances at me out of the corner of her eye.

I don't answer. I look down at my hands and start to pick at my nails. I can feel her eyes on me, but I resist looking up at her.

The rest of the car-ride is spent in complete silence. Hanna still peeks over at me a few times, but I know that she can't tell what's wrong. I take a deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut.

The car comes to a slow stop and Hanna puts it in park. She turns it off and unbuckles her seatbelt. I open my eyes and do the same. Hanna's already outside of the car and putting her backpack on. The rain has stopped for the moment, but it threatens to start up again any moment.

I feel so out of it; my head is airy and I can't concentrate on anything. My mind keeps wandering back to Alison.

Almost as if on cue, I see Alison from across the parking lot. The guy she's laughing with has his back to me, but I can tell it's Noel Kahn. My stomach sinks; she looks so happy. I lifelessly slide out of Hanna's car and sling my backpack over my shoulder.

"Hey, Emily," someone says from behind me. I jump a little in surprise and turn to face the voice. Paige is leaning against Hanna's car with a huge smile across her face. I give her a fake smile back. Hanna's gaze shifts between the two of us, clearly feeling uncomfortable.

"I'll catch you later, Em," she gives me a small wave and turns her back to me. She's gone before I can even register what she said. Paige is still standing expectantly in front of me.

"Hi," I respond to Paige after a couple moments of awkward silence. My voice sounds hollow and forced, but I don't think she notices.

"How was your weekend? I had a lot of fun on Saturday," her face flushes a little and she takes a step back, flustered.

"Yeah, me too," I tell her halfheartedly. I look over my shoulder at Alison and Noel. She's still laughing, but now she has her hand on his bicep. A knot forms in my stomach and my breath stalls. Every breath of cold air is like knives slicing my throat.

"So, are you excited for tomorrow's meet?" she asks me. Her question catches me off guard and it's a few moments before I recover. My heart rate almost doubles.

The dry air makes me sniffle and I nod without any spirit. With all of the things going on with Alison, I had forgotten about Tuesday's meet. There's a lot of pressure on me to perform my absolute best, especially since Coach told me about all of the scouts coming to watch me swim. Paige looks down at her hands for a moment before looking up at me.

She seems to notice that something is wrong because she tilts her head to the side and frowns. I think she just thinks that I'm nervous about the meet, though.

"Hey, the real reason I came over here to talk to you was because, uhm," she pauses and tries to steady her voice. I take this time to look at her and almost cough at how nervous she looks. Her face is bright red and her breathing is increased; the puffs of air she's exhaling surround us both.

"I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out another time, like, without studying," she swallows and stares at me anxiously. "You know, just like, you and me, yeah."

I narrow my eyes and then have to consciously suppress a disappointed sigh. I was hoping that she would just be a good friend, but clearly that isn't what she has in mind. I scratch my head and take a deep breath.

She stares at me, still awaiting my answer. Her face is bright pink, but it isn't from the chilly air. Her breathing is heavy and she lowers her face, still maintaining eye contact with me.

I feel like the air all around is suffocating me. I bite my lip and shake my head before clearing my throat.

"Yeah, that sounds cool," my voice has no enthusiasm. "Listen, I have to go, though. I really need to talk to Alison."

"Alison?" Paige's face falls. She sucks her lips in and shivers as the wind picks up. I look back over my shoulder and inwardly smile. Alison isn't talking to Noel anymore; instead, she's sitting on the brick wall outside of the front doors with her legs crossed. She's flipping through a book that I can't recognize from this far away.

"Yeah, we kind of got in a fight the other night," I say, obviously distracted. "I'll catch you later."

"Wait," Paige grabs my arm as I start to walk away. "Maybe it's a good thing that you two are fighting. Emily, Alison isn't a good person. She's always making fun of people—me included."

I shake her grip off and roll my eyes. "Listen, I really can't talk about this right now. I'll see you a different time, Paige."

My voice is firm and she doesn't object. She drops her hand by her side; I can feel her gaze on my back after I turn away, but I ignore it.

The short walk over to Alison feels like it takes years. The wind has picked up and is opposing me. Snow flurries mixed with sleet start to fall. I brush some of the solidified water off of my coat as I reach Alison. She hasn't looked up yet.

Her cheeks and the tip of her nose are bright pink, and her lips glisten even through the flurries that stick to them. She tucks her hair behind her ear and shivers a little. She closes her book and finally looks up at me.

It's clear that she knew I was standing here because she isn't even shocked when we make eye contact. She stands up and puts her book back into her backpack. I recognize the cover as Jane Austen's _Pride and Prejudice._ She leans forward to give me a brief, very awkward hug. Her arms barely leave her sides and she purposely avoids our chests making any kind of contact.

"Hi, Emily," Alison says, barely looking at me as she pulls away. Her voice is dull, almost sounding bored.

"Alison," I breathe. "I wanted to talk to you about—"

"Emily," she cuts me off harshly. "I don't have time to talk about anything; I have to go."

She pushes past me, not even noticing that her shoulder rammed into mine. I feel all of the air leave my lungs and it takes all of my power not to fall forward and collapse. Cold infiltrates my body, but it's not from the air around me; it's from Alison's attitude. I wipe a tear from my eye before it freezes to my face.

* * *

The first few classes drag by. Even though I'm indoors, I still feel cold. I snuggle even farther into my coat, but it doesn't really do much. I'm still freezing.

I enter the lunch room with a small bit of hope. Maybe Alison will act normal since we'll be around Hanna, Spencer, and Aria. I don't think she would want to call any attention to our fight, especially because then she would have to explain everything.

My eyes fall upon the back of her sunkissed blonde hair. All of the other girls have already sat down, leaving only one empty seat next to Ali. My heart starts beating faster as I approach my friends. I avoid eye contact with Alison while pulling out the chair and sitting beside her.

The rest of the girls are a small buzz in the background. All I can focus on is Alison. She's staring straight at me, right at my lips. My heart skips a beat and I almost stop breathing. But then, her eyebrows furrow and she pulls her leather jacket closer around her.

"I have to go, guys," Alison stands up abruptly. Aria drops her fork in surprise and Hanna and Spencer stop arguing about something dumb that Hanna just said.

Ali grabs her binders and pushes her tray into the middle of the table. She turns quickly away from us and hurries out of the lunch room.

"That was weird," Aria breaks the silence.

"No, what's weird is how blue Emily's lips are," Hanna raises her eyebrows at me. "Do you want to borrow a jacket?"

My face falls; of course that's why Alison was staring at my lips. All of the hope I had—which wasn't very much—dwindles and then extinguishes like a spark in a rainstorm.

"No, I'm fine," I find my voice. Hanna doesn't look convinced. She pulls out her phone and her thumbs move quickly across the keyboard. Within a few seconds, she already has her phone back in her pocket. My phone vibrates from inside my jacket.

I pull it out and give Hanna a confused expression. She nods for me to check the text anyways.

**Brew later? After practice? I want to help, please.**

I take a deep breath until my entire diaphragm is full of oxygen. As I exhale, I look back at her and nod my head. Thankfully Aria and Spencer are unaware of our small exchange. When did Hanna become the observant one?

* * *

I slowly walk to my locker after lunch ends. I'm still shivering no matter how tightly I pull my coat around me. My fingers tremble as I put my combination in. It takes me a few times before I can steady my hands enough to get the combination right.

As I open my locker, something falls out of it and lands on my feet.

I bend down to pick it up and tilt my head in confusion. It's a leather jacket. I shake the jacket around a little and check the pockets, but there's no note.

After I shake it, I can smell the warm vanilla sugar scent from the jacket. I can't help but smile as I hug it close to my chest and take a big whiff of the perfume. I look around me, but can't see Alison anywhere.

My heart skips another beat when I think about how she gave me her jacket. If she's still willing to give me her jacket, then that must mean that things aren't too far lost. I smile widely to myself and take my coat off, replacing it with the jacket. It's still warm from her body heat. I instantly feel the warmth rush through my body.

I close my locker and notice Alison a ways down the hallway at her own locker. She's wearing a pink sweater and fixing her hair.

We make eye contact and I'm too nervous to do anything. I stare at her like a deer in headlights. She tilts her head a little bit and gives me a small smile before closing her locker and walking away.

Butterflies invade my stomach and it takes all of my power to keep my legs from giving out.

Honestly, I think she just needs a little bit of time. I think I might have taken her off guard the other night. I get the feeling that she still wants to be my friend, but doesn't know how to go about doing so. But that makes two of us, because I have no idea what to do next.

I take a deep breath and mentally slap my face to wake myself up. I just have to get through a couple more classes and a recovery day at swim practice before I can have coffee with Hanna. At least I have something to really look forward to.

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**okay so that's it! told you it was just a bridge. but i have the next chapter done, so i'm going to just edit it and put the final touches on it. it'll be up by tonight, i promise :) **

**can't wait to hear what you guys think! thanks so much for all of the positive reviews! i LOVE reading all of them. i'm so so glad you guys are enjoying the story :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**hi! told you that i'd have chapter 8 up by tonight ;) even though it's also short, this chapter is a HUGE part of the story! i hope you guys enjoy :) can't wait to read your reviews!**

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Chapter 8

I sit down at the corner table in the brew, across from Hanna. Her eyes linger on my outfit: I'm still wearing Ali's leather jacket. I place her nonfat soy vanilla latte in front of her and take a sip of my black coffee.

She finally looks back up at me and smiles.

"Thanks for getting this," she takes a sip of her coffee. "I've got the next round."

I nod my head but don't respond. She watches me carefully and I feel self-conscious under her surveillance.

"So it is Ali," her question is more of a statement. I bristle at her lack of tact and the fact that she goes straight to the point. She gestures to the jacket when I don't say anything.

"Mhm," I nod again, taking another sip of coffee. It scalds my mouth, but tastes so good in this cold weather.

She waits for me to say more. I sigh and put my coffee on the table. My fingers fiddle with the top of the cup.

"I've really liked her for a long time," I say after a while. "I finally got the courage to tell her on Saturday night. I thought she felt the same way, but I was wrong. Clearly."

Hanna's forehead creases as if she's not convinced.

"That doesn't make sense," she says slowly. I cock my head to the side and silently beg her to continue. "I know for a fact that Alison cares about you a lot."

I roll my eyes and wipe my face. "I appreciate you saying that, Hanna, but I'm not buying it."

"You don't have to," Hanna shrugs. "I guess you'll find out on Christmas."

I shake my head, not understanding.

"I went Christmas shopping with her a couple days ago. Actually, it was Saturday afternoon. Huh, a lot of things happened that day," Hanna trails off and loses her concentration. I snap my fingers in front of her face, calling her back to reality.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I try to sound firm, but my voice shakes and gives me away. I try to cover it up by taking a longer sip of coffee.

"More than you think, Em," she looks like she's focusing intently on something. She stares at her coffee cup and scratches the top of her head. "Anyways, she didn't buy anything, but she spent a long time looking for the perfect gift for you. She picked Spencer and Aria's out like it was no thing."

"Maybe that just means she knows them better than me," I counter.

Hanna raises her eyebrows and actually laughs at me.

"Emily, Ali got Spencer a high-tech electronic planner and Aria some new film for her camera," she tells me, emphasizing each word, like it's supposed to mean something to me.

I stare at her, not sure where she's going with this. She rolls her eyes and laughs again.

"She was looking at diamonds for you," she raises her eyebrows even higher. "I didn't want to tell you because I wasn't sure completely if Ali was the one you were crushing on, plus I wanted it to be a surprise."

She winks at me and raises her coffee to her lips.

I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. I end up looking like a fish instead.

"We should head back to my place," Hanna wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. She's looking over my shoulder, and I hear chairs scraping the floor behind me as people sit down next to us.

I nod and stand up. She links her arm within mine and puts her head on my shoulder. The winter air greets us as soon as we step outside of the café, so she quickens her pace to her car. The entire ride in the car is silent, just like it was this morning.

"My mom's going to be home late. She has a date with Pastor Ted," Hanna pretends to gag, but smiles at the end. She pretends to be grossed out that her mom is dating again, but we both know it makes her happy to know that her mom is happy.

She opens the door for me and follows me up the stairs to her room. I take off Ali's jacket and fold it over the desk chair before flopping onto Hanna's bed and stretching. Swim practice made my muscles sore. I hadn't realized how tired I was until now.

"Listen, Em, I know you might be done talking about this," Hanna stares as she gives me the disclaimer, "but I've never seen Ali act the way she does around you. I can tell that there's something there from her end, too, even if she doesn't want to admit it. I mean, I don't think she's ready to slow dance at prom or hold your hand from across a romantic, candlelit dinner, but I think she's coming around. Before she can accept that she cares about you, she has to accept herself and the way she feels. It might take time, but I think that it'll be worth the wait."

I nod and smile. "When did you become so smart?"

"I watch Soap Operas," she beams. I almost regret giving her that compliment.

Her phone buzzes suddenly. She pulls it out of her pocket and frowns before showing me who's calling. It's Alison.

"Hello?" Hanna answers.

I can hear Alison clearly from the other end of the line. Her voice is panicked and she's speaking quickly.

"Hanna, we need to talk about Emily _now_."

My heart stops.

"I'm outside your house," she continues, her voice getting harsher by the second, "let me in."

"Okay," Hanna's eyes widen. She bites her lip and hangs up the phone, looking around frantically.

"Under the bed," she decides suddenly. She basically shoves me down to the ground and under her bed.

I hear her footsteps slowly get quieter as she walks out of the room. She opens the front door and I can hear Alison yelling at her about something, but I can't make out the words.

I hold my breath and try not to move when Ali storms into the room. Hanna moves quickly behind her. I stare at their shoes, wishing I could see their faces.

"I don't know what you told Spencer, but we need to get one thing straight," Ali snarls, poison dripping from every word. She enunciates each word, "I do not care about Emily that way. So stop spreading that shit around. I will never care about another girl like that."

Each word feels like a sword puncturing my heart. I try my hardest to stifle my tears, but they still fall. I silently cry and try to block out her words.

"Ali—" Hanna stutters.

Ali's shoes take a step towards Hanna until their toes are basically touching.

"Emily and I are _nothing_," she says fiercely. Hanna stumbles backwards, making me think that Ali pushed her a little. "I don't want to hear it—"

She stops suddenly. I can almost feel her eyes going wide. She moves over towards the desk and I know that she's noticed the jacket I hung on the back of the chair.

Her voice drops down to barely a whisper, and I have to strain my ears to hear her.

"Is she here?" she breathes.

Hanna doesn't respond. Alison screams as she throws the desk chair against the floor. The jacket lands right beside where my foot is and I cover my eyes from the loud sound. I close my eyes, ready to be discovered.

After a few moments, the bed skirt is lifted up. I look over, scared stiff, expecting to see Alison.

But it's Hanna.

She reaches her hand out to me and pulls me up. I look around the room, but there's no one else there. The front door slams shut and we both wince from the noise.

I try to swallow my tears, but instead I just open the floodgates. I openly sob and fall forward onto my knees. Hanna kneels down beside me and places her hand lightly on my back, gently rubbing circles.

I can take Alison not caring about me like that—it would be hard, and it would take a _long_ time, but I could eventually be okay with it. The part that kills me is how open she was about it to Hanna. She made it seem like it would be a disgrace to ever love me… I get that she doesn't return my feelings, but she treated me like I was subhuman. That's what kills me.

Hanna seems to read my mind because she pulls me into a hug.

"I told you it would take a while for her to come around," she whispers in my ear. I pull away from her, staring incredulously.

"Did you just miss that entire scene, Hanna?" I snap. I wipe some of the tears that have fallen down my cheeks and are dripping from my chin.

"No, and that's the point," she tells me quietly. Her voice is soothing, and I find myself wanting to believe her. "All that outburst showed me was that she was suppressing her feelings."

"Suppressing?" I shake her grasp off of me. "If that was suppressing her feelings, then I don't want to see her be open about them. I don't think I could handle it."

Hanna clenches her jaw, causing her temples to twitch. She folds her arms across her chest, at a loss for what to say.

I force a small smile, but it looks more like a grimace. "Thanks for helping me, Hanna. Really."

I mean it, though. It was nice to know that Alison was thinking more about my present than the other girls; it made me feel special. I'm glad that I got to feel that little bit of happiness before everything just came crashing down.

She nods but doesn't say anything. I clear my throat and give her a half-hearted hug. She clings to me and pulls me in tight, but I cut the hug off almost immediately. I don't want her to be able to detect how deflated my heart is.

Without saying anything, I grab my stuff and my coffee and head out of her room. I slowly make my way down the stairs in a daze. Not even the snow falling outside affects me as I leave the Marin household.

The icy frost bites my cheeks, but I try my best to ignore it. I rub my bare arms, trying to create warmth from the friction. I kind of regret leaving Ali's jacket at Hanna's, but I don't think I would have been able to take it with me. It's too painful.

Nighttime is quickly approaching, and the street lamps are lighting up as I walk down the empty street. I take a sip of my lukewarm coffee and swallow it with difficulty. It definitely tastes better when it's hot.

I shudder and continue my trek back to my house. I'm grateful that I don't live very far away from Hanna; I think if it was any longer, I would definitely freeze to death. At least the snow isn't sticking to the ground though. That would make this walk even more miserable than it normally would be.

I wipe my nose and let a few tears fall down my cheeks. I can't stop thinking about Alison and what she said. I bite my lip and come to a slow stop. I put my hands on my knees and cough; the cold air makes everything taste like blood.

I feel myself getting weak from the cold; it's getting harder to move forward. The wind is pushing me in the opposite direction that I want to go in.

Fatigue overcomes me, and the last thing I remember before collapsing to the ground is headlights coming to a screeching halt a little ways down the road.

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**i'm sorry alison had to be a betch in this chapter :( i hope you guys found this as sad as i did. i was almost like tearing up while writing it... my obsession with them being endgame is kind of a problem hahaha. i'm already working on the next chapter, which will be a lot happier, i promise :)**

**ahhh i can't wait to know what you guys think! sorry i had to add so much angst in this chapter. promise it's worth it though ;) just like hanna says, it's worth the wait!**


	9. Ali's POV

**hi guys :) i'm absolutely LOVING your reviews! they're so so amazing. just wanted to say a few things: **

**1. i actually do feel really bad for paige... i didn't mean to put her in a bad light at all. hopefully this chapter irons some things over**

**2. Emison4lyfe had an AMAZING suggestion. she said that ali is such an interesting character, i should really just write a chapter based on ali's perspective. so, that's what this chapter is! ALL ALI ALL OF THE TIME hahaha. it's more of a stream of consciousness, so ya. but i love this chapter.**

**3. i do have ch 9 written, so whenever you guys feel like you really want more, just let me know ;) i promise, it is SO MUCH HAPPIER than ch 8.**

**4. love you all! emisonians unite!**

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Chapter 8.5

Alison's POV

I can't freaking believe that just happened.

I'm a couple blocks away from Hanna's house, just sitting in my car. I can't even think about driving home right now. All I can think about is Em.

"Ugh!" I scream as I pound my fists against the steering wheel, placing my forehead against it moments afterwards. Just thinking about what her face probably looked like makes me writhe in my seat. How could I have snapped like that?

I stare through the front windshield and blindly adjust the temperature. The snow is falling, but it's not heavy enough to create a blanket on the ground. I hadn't really realized it, but it's gotten a lot colder in the last couple of nights. I turn the heat dial until it can't go any further. No matter how much heat is blowing on me, I still feel ice cold.

I mean, I could always get free heat from Emily—

NO. NO. NO.

Stop it, Alison. STOP. You are not gay. You can_not_ have feelings for a girl. What the hell would your parents say? Oh my god, I can't even think about it.

I sigh and peel my forehead off of the wheel.

I need to fix this. I can't just let Emily think…

Can I?

I'm not a bad person. I'm not a bad person. I'm not a bad person.

Maybe if I say it enough times, it'll be true.

I groan and hit the center console as hard as I can. I don't know what the hell I want. Well, I do, but I know that I can't have her. I've spent my entire life building up a reputation and being the most popular and perfect girl in all of Rosewood **(A/N: modest, too)**.

Ugh, but just one look at Emily makes me want to just give all of that up. I want to be able to hold her hand in public and flip off anyone who looks at us the wrong way. I want to be able to kiss her no matter what time it is or where we're at. I want to go on dates and I want to take her to dinner; I want to do the typical romantic and cheesy things for her. I want to be happy, and the only time that I'm happy is when I'm with her…

But I can't do that. I'm not that kind of person. I'm not… _that_.

What kind of person? Gay? I sound so superficial. Maybe Paige is right. Everyone's right. The fact that I can't get over what people will think of me is proof enough.

I smooth my hair down and take a deep breath. The air I exhale is choppy; it almost sounds like I'm hyperventilating.

Maybe it's because I'm crying. Maybe it's because I'm in love with my best friend. Maybe it's because I just broke her heart. Maybe it's because I've ruined my only chance at happiness.

There I go again, only thinking about myself. That's what got me into this damn mess. Why is it always about me? What about the fact that Emily was listening to that entire rant I had? I wish that she knew I was lying about everything I said.

Of course I have feelings for her. How could anyone not?

She's the absolute nicest person in the world. If there was a dictionary definition for the ideal good person, it would be Emily Fields. I honestly don't think she has a mean bone in her body… I really like that about her. She shows me daily that the world isn't all bad. There are people who actually put others before themselves. My family—me included— wouldn't know how to do that even if our lives depended on it.

It's hard to believe that my life has been affected this much by one person. Before Em, I used to be a total bitch… Now, I don't ever want to hurt someone's feelings again. I really regret the way I treated a lot of my classmates. I managed to make it up to Mona by giving her a makeover, but I still wasn't very nice to her in public. As for Paige… that basically breaks my heart. The girl is actually really nice. The only problem I have with her is that she has a thing for Em, too. I've never been one for competition. Ever since I was little, my mom drilled it into my head to eliminate my competitors by any means possible.

But Emily is such a good person that she makes me want to be a good person, too. I absolutely love who I am when I'm around her. I can be vulnerable and I don't have to worry about my obsessive need to be better than everyone around me. She makes me feel like I'm good enough already.

I wish there was a way to explain to her the dilemma I'm going through. I just don't think she would understand. Not because she's dumb, but because it really doesn't make sense! Why can't I just tell the truth? Is it really that hard for me?

I wish I could just turn my mind off. I put my car in drive and decide to the Brew. I could really use a coffee right now.

I turn on my windshield wipers. Sleet has started to mix in with the snow, making it harder to see than usual. Night is starting to fall; it's going to be getting a hell of a lot colder in about an hour.

I flip my headlights on and take a left onto the upcoming street. I always use back roads to get to wherever I'm going. Emily taught me that.

I miss her so much that I see her with every swipe of the wipers. I feel like she's standing on every corner, on every front porch, even in the middle of the road.

Wait a freaking second.

I slam on the breaks just as the figure falls to the ground a little ways down the street. I squint to see better; it's definitely Emily on the pavement.

I don't even think. I throw my door open and run as fast as I can over to her, kneeling when I reach her.

She's completely unconscious and freezing. What the hell is she doing out in the cold without a jacket? Why the hell didn't Hanna give her one? I pull my fur coat off and put it on her, hoping that it will make a small difference.

I roll my eyes and pull her close to my chest. I rub her arms up and down as I'm picking her off of the ground. I sling her arm over my shoulder to support her weight.

I'm off balance as we hobble back to my car. It definitely would be a lot easier to support her if she wasn't taller than me. I don't let go of her when we reach the car. I brush some snowflakes off of her face and out of her hair. I open the door with my pinky finger and gently place her in the passenger's seat.

We're about a five minute drive to her house, but I know that she needs something to warm her up and _fast_. I turn the heat on high and pull my phone out. I remember Aria saying something about their moms going out to dinner together, so that rules Pam out. I tighten my grip on her hand, trying to warm it up.

I unlock my phone with my free hand (driving with my knees like a boss) and dial up Spencer.

"Spence, hey, are you doing okay?" my words are slurred because I'm talking so fast.

"Yeah, Ali, I'm great. Just trying to avoid spending quality time with my crazy family," she answers. Her voice is monotone, but I can almost hear her smiling.

"What, you don't want to hang out with them?"

"It's family game night," Spencer laughs. "Enough said."

"Sorry to hear about your lame night," I tell her. I hope she knows that I'm being genuine and not sarcastic.

"It's fine," she shrugs me off. "Are you doing okay? You don't usually call me this late."

"Yeah," I grunt. I have to prop my phone between my shoulder and ear as I make the right turn onto Emily's street. "One second."

I pull into Emily's driveway, and, like I had suspected, her mom isn't home. I rest my phone against my cheek.

"Okay, so I found Emily unconscious in the middle of the street. I think she passed out from being so cold," I get out of the car, greeted by strong gusts of wind. "Ah, it's so freaking cold out, Spencer."

"What the hell? Is she okay?" she gasps. I hear a chair fall onto the floor on the other line. "What can I do?"

"I was just, urgh," I pause as I pick Emily up out of the car, "wondering—if you could—oh my god she's dead weight—hold on. Okay, I was wondering if you could grab some soup and coffee from the Grille."

"Yeah, I can do that. But I don't know how much more I can help because I'm not supposed to leave the house," she sounds bummed. "I'm actually hiding in the bathroom right now."

"Thanks, Spence," I can't help but laugh after I hang up. I kick the car door closed behind me and move quickly up the walkway to her house. The stairs are a little tricky and it takes me a few moments to get her up them.

I reach into her back pocket and grab her house keys so I can unlock the door. I'm getting the hang of holding her up, but I lose that confidence when I remember that her bedroom is on the second floor.

"Damn," I grimace. I adjust my grasp around her waist. I try to keep my grip soft so that she won't bruise. I take a deep breath and take the first step up the stairs, pulling her up beside me.

I don't know how long I've been pulling her up the stairs, but by the time I'm halfway, Spencer walks through the door. I crane my neck around just in time to see her throw the food she bought on the ground. She rushes up to help me and grabs Emily's other arm.

It's a lot easier with two people. We make it to the second floor in what feels like no time at all.

"Ali," Spencer says suddenly as we move through the doorway into Em's room, "should we change her clothes? They're soaked through from the sleet and snow."

My mouth goes dry and my eyes are wide. We place Em gently on the edge of her bed, not enough to get the bed wet but enough so that she's comfortably laying down.

"Alison?" she repeats.

What the hell do I say!

"What? Oh, uhm, yeah, Spencer, I don't think that's a good idea," I somehow manage to say.

"Why's that?" she looks at me weirdly.

I bite my lip and clear my throat awkwardly.

"I should, uhm, get the soup from downstairs," I abruptly move past her, but she grabs my arm.

"Alison," she says my name again, "what's going on with you?"

I hesitate and finally look her in the eyes. I hate that you can't lie to Spencer; she just looks at you like a lost puppy until you finally break down.

"I'm just dealing with a few things," I decide on.

She gives me a devilish smile.

"So you do like her," it's not a question. "I knew you did! I knew that's why you got all defensive!"

"Okay, okay," I shush her, "not so freaking loud or you'll wake her up!"

Spencer looks like a child who just woke up on Christmas morning.

"Stop looking at me like that," I roll my eyes and saunter down the stairs. I want to at least keep some of my dignity. I stall a little when I get to the bottom of the stairs, praying that Spencer will change Emily's clothes in the meantime.

When I walk back in the room, thankfully Spencer got my telepathic message and is already tucking Emily into bed.

Her phone goes off.

"Ugh, it's my mom," she rolls her eyes. "I have to go, I'm sorry. But, do you have everything under control? Do you want me to send Aria or Hanna over?"

I shake my head. "No, no, it's fine. You've done so much. I can take it from here."

She pulls me in for a hug and gives me a small wave goodbye. I grab her hand right before she exits the room.

"Wait, Spence," I don't know what I want to ask her. "I, uhm, thanks. A lot. Really, I appreciate it."

"Of course, Ali," she smiles and gives my hand a small squeeze. "And hey, for the record, we've all been wanting you two to get together for years. But no pressure, okay? Just move at the pace you're comfortable with."

"I'm so scared, Spencer," I whisper. Tears start to form in my eyes.

"Does she know that?" she nods in Emily's direction.

"I don't know how to tell her," I shake my head and wipe a tear from my cheek. "I always end up closing up and hurting her."

"Hey," Spencer brushes away another one of my tears. "When the time is right, and when you're ready, everything will come to you. And if you want to talk about anything, we're all here for you."

I clear my throat and smile through my tears. "I know. Thank you, Spencer."

She gives me a knowing nod and says, "But I've got to go. You know how Veronica gets…"

She trails off and gives me another hug. When she pulls away, she kisses my forehead. I smile to myself as she leaves the room. The front door closes behind her with a small thump.

I inhale deeply and close my eyes. Spencer and I have had our tough times. We have this like dominance battle because both of us want to be the leader of the group. I was so avid about that in the beginning of our friendship. Lately, I've taken a step back. I don't need to be a leader to be my best; Emily taught me that.

I dial up Mrs. Fields. It rings twice before she picks up.

"Hi, Alison," her voice is bright and cheery.

"Hey, Mrs. Fields," I put on my sweetest voice. "I'm sorry to bother you; I just wanted to let you know that I just brought Emily home. She wasn't feeling very well so I got her coffee and soup. I think everything's fine, she just got too cold."

"Oh, well," her voice is laced with worry, "thank you for calling me. I'm getting the check now to head home."

"Yeah, no problem. I'm going to clear out, though. She's asleep, so I think she'll be fine for a few minutes," I tell her.

"Oh, yeah, of course! It's getting late and it's a school night," she answers. Typical mom move. "Thanks again, Alison. I hope I get to see you soon!"

"Me too, Mrs. Fields," I respond. "Have a good night."

I hang up and look around the room, trying to think of what to do. I finally decide to write Em a note, so I head over to her desk and rummage through her door, looking for a piece of paper and a pen.

I have no freaking idea what I'm going to write. What the hell do I say?

I keep it short and sweet, basically just saying that I'll talk to her tomorrow and explain everything. That at least gives me a little bit of time to figure out what to say and how to explain myself.

I tuck the note under her bowl of soup and smile. She looks so much better than before; her color has returned and she looks really peaceful.

I give her a light kiss on the forehead. It surprises me how much I feel from just the small, friendly kiss. It's like an electric shock almost.

I pick up her pen and twirl it between my fingers as I walk over to her desk. I don't want to have anything be out of order. My gaze lingers on the pen after it's back on the desk.

I think I may have just figured out what I'm going to do.

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**do you like? yes? no? lemme know! like i said right before, i do have ch 9 written. soooooo lemme know what you think about this one, and depending on your responses, i may edit it a bit. just let me know :) can't wait to hear from you! hope you guys have an AMAZING day!**

**ps. fingers crossed for emison on tuesday!**


	10. Chapter 9

**hi guys! so i'm so so so so glad you guys are loving this :) it makes me so happy! one thing i wanted to address: i got a review asking why i don't upload chapters even after i've written them. truth is, i'm honestly not trying to torture you. i like to hear reviews to see what you guys like and what you want to see differently, and i have my best friend edit them so that each chapter can be absolutely perfect for you guys :) i'm so sorry if it seems like i'm holding onto them! i'll try to post more punctuallyyy!**

**enjoy!**

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Chapter 9

I wake up in the middle of the night from cold sweats. I frantically sit up in my bed and look around me, throwing the covers off of my body. I flip the light on and look around the room.

There's soup next to my bed and a note underneath the bowl. I pick it up and squint to read it; there are smudge marks from either rain or tears, I can't tell which.

**_I can explain. Give me until tomorrow._**

**_Alison_**

I furrow my eyebrows and hold my head in my hands, trying to remember everything that happened. The last thing I remember was collapsing in the middle of the road.

Someone must have found me and taken me home. Judging by the note, it was probably Alison. She could have just texted me.

My stomach does somersaults and flips when I think about her. I remember what she said about me and my mouth goes dry. For some reason, she thinks she can explain, but I think that she did a pretty damn good job of that already. I definitely got her message loud and clear.

I lie back in my bed and turn the light back off. I crack my neck and try to relax. I'm still exhausted, but I feel restless. I know that I need to get a good night's sleep for tomorrow's meet, but I don't know how I'm going to manage that. My muscles are aching and my head is reeling from everything that has happened today.

I'm really not sure when my days became so eventful. It's kind of crazy when I think about it; it almost makes me laugh. But then I remember why they're eventful, and who makes them eventful, and any sign of laughter disappears.

I try to clear my mind and relax, but that's like asking a jellyfish not to sting you during a handshake. Stupid analogy, but it gets the point across.

Moving on.

I calm my breathing and try to shake all thoughts of Alison from my mind. It doesn't work, but somehow I do manage to fall into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

I dragged ass through school today. I haven't been able to talk to Alison once. She sat on the complete other side of the room from me during English, and she skipped lunch.

I hang my head as I slowly walk into the girls' locker room. I have my last period free, so I wanted to loosen up my muscles a little bit. None of the other girls on my swim team have a free period, so I'll be left alone to my thoughts and my strokes. I enjoy having the pool to myself to practice, especially the same day as a meet.

I bite my lip and groan. I really couldn't be in a worse state of mind, especially with the meet in a couple of hours. I almost wish that I would faint again or maybe even be able to go home sick.

I could pretend to have an injury. Or pretend to be throwing up? I don't know. I'm racking my brain for ideas when I hear the locker room door close. A chill runs down my spine and I snap my head in the direction of the door. I can't see anyone, and a weird feeling comes over me.

"Who's there?" I call out. My voice echoes off of the lockers and the empty walls.

"It's just me," she slides around the corner of the lockers. She steps closer to me and my body freezes. She places her purse on the bench beside her.

"Ali?" I ask incredulously. My voice wavers as I shake my head slowly in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to wish you luck," she answers simply, as if nothing is wrong. Her eyes give her away, though. They look lifeless and miserable, lacking the normal spark. She takes a couple more steps towards me.

I look down at my feet, unable to keep eye contact.

"I'm sorry," she says softly. Her soft hands brush my cheek as she tilts my face up until we're making eye contact. "I wish I could redo the past few days."

I swallow and try to focus on breathing normally.

"Sweet Emily," she moves even closer to me. My breath hitches as her hand explores my hair and she gently combs through it with her fingers. She smiles and her fingers find my cheek. She brushes some hair off of my face.

I take a step backwards and find my voice. Her hand falls down to her side.

"I'm sorry," I stutter when I see her crestfallen face. "I'm just—I'm getting whiplash, Alison. I don't understand you at all."

She tilts her head curiously.

I run my hands through my hair, frustrated. I wish she would stop playing games and just be real with me for once. I bite down hard on my lip and roll my eyes. She doesn't speak again until I look at her again.

"You want to know the truth, right?" she says seriously. "The truth is: you scare the hell out of me Emily."

My heart skips a beat.

"I'm scared to death about how I feel when I'm around you. I—I'm not supposed to feel this way about a girl, especially my best friend. I want to take that step into being more than friends, but then I realize how much of a risk it is. I could lose you," her voice cracks and she looks down at her hands as if she's trying to fight back tears.

I take a deep breath and start to reach for her hands, but I drop them halfway there. I want to comfort her, but everything is all mixed up right now. I don't know what to do, and I don't think she does either.

She looks up at the ceiling and shifts her weight uncomfortably.

"You don't creep me out or make me mad," her voice is quiet. "It's me that's the problem, Em. I'm so scared."

Tears stream down her face and she wipes them away futilely before more appear with a vengeance.

I don't understand. I don't know if I can handle being swung around back and forth like a pendulum.

Without saying anything, she locks eyes with me and moves forward quickly. I don't even register the fact that she kissed me until her lips aren't on mine anymore. My eyes widen and she gives a sigh of relief to herself. I start to lean forward again, this time having my wits together.

She closes the gap between us and wraps her hands around my neck.

I can't even handle all of the joy rushing through my body. I feel a huge wave of energy flood into me and I press my lips harder against hers. I can feel her smile into the kiss in response.

She places her hands on my cheeks and leans into me, pressing me against the wall of lockers. I can still feel her smile and it makes my stomach flip. This time, she doesn't close her mouth though. She tentatively touches her tongue against mine and it takes all of my willpower not to melt down to the ground. I'm thankful that my weight is being held up by being sandwiched between Ali and the wall.

She pulls away, breathless. I didn't even notice that I was breathing heavily, too. She flashes a large smile and her face flushes. She shyly runs her hands through her hair and looks up at me. She opens her mouth a few times before speaking.

"So that was my way of saying good luck," she jokes, laughing. She leans over into the purse she had put down. "I got you this."

She rummages through her bag and pulls out a pen. I furrow my eyebrows. Should I be insulted?

She hands it to me and beams. I examine it, still confused.

"Press the top," she commands.

I do as I'm told and get shocked. It's one of those dumb static electricity pens.

Awesome. So I'm in love with a five year old. I roll my eyes but can't fight the smile that works its way onto my face.

"I've been wanting to explain how I feel about you," she closes her hands around mine. "And this was the best I could come up with. That's how I feel whenever I think about you. I feel a spark of electricity surge through my body, and I wanted you to know what it felt like."

"Alison," I smile and pull one of my hands from her grasp so that I can touch her face, "I already know what that feels like."

She smiles into my hand. Her dimples melt my heart.

"So, are you staying for my meet?" I ask, trying to keep my voice smooth.

"Have I ever missed one?" she winks at me. Now that I think about it, she actually hasn't. I smile wide and kiss her on the forehead.

She blushes even more until her face is almost crimson. She rolls her eyes and jokingly swats my arm.

The bell rings and she looks up to where the noise comes from. People start to flood into the locker room.

"I'll let you get to practicing," Ali grins and slips her purse over her shoulder. "Good luck, Em. I'll see you after. Come find me, okay?"

Her voice is flirtatious, and she doesn't even care that there are people around. She gives me a close lipped smile and one last wink before turning her heel and heading out of the locker room.

* * *

**i hope you guys enjoyed it! lemme know what you think :) thanks for reading! i'll update asap **


	11. Chapter 10

**hi guys. i'm so so so so SO SO sorry it took me so damn long to update. there's been so many things going on in my family life that it's been almost impossible to get a second to myself to write. and not only that, but every time that i would, i would draw a blank on what to write...**

**thanks for being so patient everyone. this is kind of a short chapter, but i wanted to transition into the seriousness of next chapter. i hope you guys enjoy it! let me know what you think about it :)**

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Chapter 10

"Em! Hey, wait up," Alison calls from behind me. I turn around and my heart instantly starts beating faster. My knees start to tremble and I can't help the bright smile that inches its way onto my face.

"Alison," I say breathlessly as she reaches me. I never understood the whole 'take my breath away' expression until I met Alison.

"You were absolutely incredible," she smiles. She places her hand on my shoulder and strokes me a little with her thumb.

"Thanks," I say, kind of embarrassed. I hate it when people compliment me; I never have any idea what to say. It's really cool when people say nice things to me, but I just freeze up and feel uncomfortable. I just feel like there should always be a reciprocated compliment, but I never can think of one fast enough. So instead I just stutter and look awkward.

Alison lowers her face but not her smile.

"So, do you have any plans tonight?" her voice is soft. If it was a material it would be either a silk or velvet; I want to wrap myself up in its comfort.

I shake my head when I remember that she asked me a question.

"Perfect," Ali moves the hand that was on my shoulder up to my face. She lightly brushes my cheek and my face starts burning. After a few moments, she drops her hand and puts it in her jacket pocket.

"W-why?"

"I wanted to take you out to dinner or something," she shrugs nonchalantly. Her voice contains the same softness.

I narrow my eyes, confused. Maybe I'm just overthinking everything, but is this a date? Oh my god, did Alison just ask me out?

Calm down, Emily. Ali is straight.

But she _totally_ kissed me. And admitted that she has feelings for me…

"Is that okay?" she asks when I don't say anything.

"Yes," I say quickly. Then, without meaning to, "Is this a date?"

I clap my hand over my mouth and stare at her. Well, if it wasn't awkward before, it is now.

Her eyebrows crinkle for a second and then relax. She gives me a close-lipped smile and shakes her head slowly at me.

"Of course it is, silly," Alison laughs.

My heart flutters and my breath catches in my throat. I have to swallow just so that I can breathe again.

* * *

"Is a small drive okay? There's a nice Italian restaurant about half an hour away. I used to go there every weekend with my family," she tells me as we walk towards her car. Warmth flushes through my body, flattered that she wants to take me to the same place that she used to go with her family.

"Of course," I smile.

We're walking really close together, but I'm not sure if it's because she's cold or she wants me to make a move. I frown a little to myself; I have no idea what the hell to do. Now that I think about it, I've never actually liked anyone that I've dated. Now, just having Alison look at me is enough to make my knees turn into jelly.

Our hands slightly brush each other. I take a quick peek at Alison; she's just staring straight up at all of the stars. I bite my bottom lip and take a deep breath of courage. Slowly, I slip my hand within hers.

She jumps at first, and looks down at our joined hands, clearly perplexed. She whips her head in all directions to see if anyone is nearby before she finally allows herself to relax. I could feel her pulse quicken as soon as we made contact, but now it's back to its usual steadiness.

She clears her throat when we reach the car, giving my hand a small squeeze before letting go. I catch her frown as she's getting into the car. Worry rushes over me; I must have made her uncomfortable.

I'm mentally slapping myself for making her feel that way when she reaches her hand over the center console and grasps mine within hers. She interlaces our fingers and raises my hand up to her lips for a small kiss.

We share a warm smile and I stare into her beautiful eyes. I've never seen her so open and I want to take a mental picture of it. But she's so beautiful that no picture could ever do her justice. She blushes under my gaze and smiles wider.

Her car is warm and comfortable. I cuddle up in the passenger's seat, Ali's hand in my lap. She takes her other hand off of the wheel so that she can turn the CD up. It's a Guns n' Roses song: Sweet Child o' Mine. **(A/N: I really love this song for Emison. If you've never heard it before, I STRONGLY recommend you playing it on youtube!)**

"Oh, I love this song," I exclaim. I sit up straighter in my chair and flash her a huge smile.

"I picked it because it reminds me of you," she stares straight ahead at the road. The song plays in the background, but it's a dull murmur to me. The only thing I can focus on is Alison and how beautiful her profile is.

Her lips are moving as she mouths the words. I find myself becoming lost in the gentle flow of her smooth lips; I crave their touch and soft comfort.

It only feels like five minutes before we get to the restaurant. I snap myself back to reality, realizing that I literally stared at Ali the entire drive over here. I'm really hoping that she didn't notice.

She gently twirls the ends of her slightly curled hair and turns to face me. Her eyes are smiling and her face is bright; it makes my heart pound.

After a small giggle, she gets out of the car. I follow in suit, finally taking in my surroundings.

The restaurant we arrive at is such a hidden gem. There are only a few cars in the parking lot, but that doesn't alter the beauty of the place. Sorrento's. It even has a cool name. It's a smallish building made of brick, but the lawn and outside are very well maintained.

It has a good atmosphere to it. You know how when you walk into a party and you can immediately tell that it sucks? Or that nagging feeling that you shouldn't be somewhere?

That's kind of how it is for me at this place. I just feel so comfortable and at home, even though I've never even seen the inside of the building. I think Alison shares the same feeling because the clarity of her dimples hints at a smile.

Alison holds the door open for me. I mock curtsy at her and she rolls her eyes, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"Table for two," Alison crosses her arms and leans on one hip. The hostess gives her a small look up and down before shrugging slightly.

I clear my throat, immediately feeling awkward. I never thought about the fact that Alison and I are… dating? I guess dating. We're a couple just like everyone else: holding hands in public, light kisses on the beach, dinner dates… It's weird to wrap my mind around at first, but I really like it. My body becomes weightless just at the thought of being able to kiss Alison in public.

But at the same time, this changes everything. I'm not dating a guy anymore… what will my parents think? Will Alison even tell hers?

The hostess leads us to a booth in the back of the restaurant. It's pretty cool; it's the perfect place to people watch. She gives us another weird look before departing, completely neglecting to give us our menus. Ali narrows her eyes, but doesn't say anything.

To be honest, I feel like I need to tell my mom. Ever since the realization of my sexual orientation, I've been hiding a piece of myself from her. I'm tired of being someone that I'm not; family is supposed to love and accept you no matter what, right?

I mean, I'm clearly scared about what people will think about me. But at the same time, Alison is totally worth it. People can think whatever they want about me, just as long as she's beside me.

This whole situation is really confusing, though. It's one of those things where all of the signs are there, but you can't make any assumptions. It's clear that Alison has feelings for me, but I'm not entirely sure where she wants to go with them. Are we even together? I can't figure her out!

"What's wrong?" she furrows her eyebrows and watches me closely.

"What?" I say, startled. I'm shocked at first, but then I realize I've been frowning.

She smiles lightly at my realization and waits for my response.

"I was just thinking," I answer vaguely. Her gaze doesn't leave my face; I feel like she can read my mind.

"You think way too much, Em," she smiles and tilts her head to the side. She props her elbow on the table between us and leans her head on her hand for extra support.

"You would too," I counter.

"What's there to think about?" she lifts her head up and narrows her eyes. "I like you. You like me. We're on a date."

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Instead, I shrug and nod my head slowly.

"Yeah, you're right," I keep my voice calm. She furrows her eyebrows and doesn't look convinced, but she doesn't question me.

There's a slight awkward silence between us. I raise my menu to cover my face. Within a few seconds, Alison has pulled the menu away from my face and placed it onto the table. Her hand lingers in the middle of the table.

"What's bothering you, Em?" she asks quietly. Without losing contact with the table, she reaches forward and grabs my hand within hers.

I bite my lip. God this girl is persistent.

"I just don't know where we go from here," I tell her honestly. "I don't know. I want to tell my mom about my sexuality, but I don't know if I'm telling her that I'm in a relationship already. I don't even know if we're in a relationship or not. Are we exclusive? There's just a lot of loose ends that confuse me."

She nods her head in understanding and gives my hand a small squeeze.

"Wow, that is a lot to think about," she says softly. "I think that you should tell your mom. You two are so close, she deserves to know all things about you. And I know that things might be hard or awkward for a while, but it will be worth it before long. It's exhausting to pretend you're something that you're not. I just want to see you happy."

I clear my throat and smile.

"As for us," she scratches the back of her head with her free hand. "As for us, I would say that, from my end, we are in as much of a relationship as anyone can be in. The second I kissed you for the first time, I've been exclusively yours."

"Really?" my voice falters.

She nods, smiling brightly.

"But, Em," she hesitates and looks away from me for a couple moments. "Em, I need some time. I mean, not away from you, I just mean to come to terms with myself. I would like it if we could be private about our relationship. I'm just not ready to fight for gay marriage in the streets of Rosewood."

I chuckle a little and roll my eyes. She looks shiftily around us and raises an eyebrow.

"But, this isn't Rosewood, so…"

She trails off, leaning across the table to give me a kiss on the lips. My heart stops. It's a good thing that there's a table between us, because if not I would totally have tackled her by now.

Her soft lips mesh into mine; she takes no time at all to open her mouth and take the kiss to the next level. I try to keep myself from squirming from the passion between us. I can feel her smile into the kiss, which makes me smile.

She pulls away and winks at me.

I take a few moments to try to catch my breath. It makes me smile even wider when I see that she's just as breathless as I am.

* * *

**yay! hope you guys liked ittttt**

**so as you guys can probably tell, this next chapter will be focused on emily and mrs. fields. i want it to be absolutely perfect and i take these situations very very seriously, so it may take me a day or two to upload. but i definitely won't keep you waiting as long as last time :(**

**thanks so much for being patient! lemme know what you think! and also lemme know if you want to see anything specific between the two of them. i have a pretty good idea where i'm going with the story, but extra chapters and scenarios are always appreciated :)**


	12. Chapter 11

**hey guys i'm so sorry for the delay! things have been crazy. but regardless, i'll try not to take that long again before updating! enjoy**

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Chapter 11

"Mom?" I call nervously into the dark room. A snore answers me, which makes me chuckle a little. I clear my throat as I remember the severity of the situation.

I take a few uncertain steps forward into her bedroom. It's in the middle of the night, but I haven't been able to sleep. I need to talk to her. I bite my lip and take a deep breath.

I reach her bed and give her a soft shake to wake her up. She jumps at first contact and clutches her heart. She reaches over to her bedside table and flips on the lamp. Her eyes are wide and her breathing is heavy.

"Emily," she gasps, "you scared me to death!"

"I'm sorry," I look down to avoid eye contact. A wave of embarrassment flows over me.

"Is everything okay?" she asks me when she has noticeably calmed down. She props herself up against her bedframe and scoots over to give me some room next to her.

"Yes and no," I answer honestly. I don't even know how to go about telling her the truth.

What if she hates me? What if she's disgusted by me?

I just wish that she would understand that I'm still me. Even though I have different tastes than a normal girl my age usually has, I'm still me. I'm still Emily Fields. I just happen to connect more with girls, on both a physical and emotional level.

She clears her throat, arms across her chest. She's waiting for me to speak, but I don't know how to begin. My forehead starts to perspire and I can feel my hands getting clammy.

I can't chicken out of this. I need to do this.

I need to stop pretending that I'm someone that I'm not, especially around the people that I love. Not only is it not fair to them, but it isn't fair to me. I'm not being honest with the people that are supposed to love me unconditionally. It's selfish in that sense, but also selfish that I'm not willing to be myself.

"Emily?" her voice brings me back to reality.

"Mom, I need to talk to you," I scoot off of the bedframe so that I can face her. I hold her hands within mine. I try to speak again, but my throat is dry and my voice cracks.

"Is everything okay?" she raises her hand and brushes hair out of my face. Worry and fatigue are laced within her bloodshot eyes.

"I—" my voice cracks again. I look away from her just as the tears start forming in my eyes. "I'm…"

"Emily, you're really scaring me," she crinkles her eyebrows and tries to get me to look at her. I wipe my nose and shake my head. There's a huge lump in my throat that's making it hard for me to breathe.

"I'm gay, Mom," I finally look her straight in the eye. "I'm gay."

All of the color drains from her face; she's pale as sun-bleached sand. The light from the lamp casts shadows on half of her face.

I manage to swallow, but in doing so I open my tear ducts. Tears stream down my face; within moments my cheeks are stained and the top of my shirt is soaked.

"Y-you," she hesitates and tries to find her voice. She shakes her head and forces the words out, "You're gay?"

"I'm sorry," I instinctively say. I hate disappointing people, my mother most of all. "I'm so sorry, mom."

Confusion wavers across her face. Her eyebrows furrow even deeper on her forehead and she shakes her head slowly.

"Emily," her voice is weak.

I bite my lip and look up at the ceiling.

"Emily, I love you," she manages to say, but it sounds forced. "I'm just shocked right now. I thought that you and Ben—"

She trails off and looks down at her hands, which have long since been separated from mine.

I don't say anything. My heart races and adrenaline starts pumping through my veins. I'm completely on edge, shaking beside her.

She covers her face and sobs behind her hands. Water trickles through the gaps in her fingers. I reach out to touch her shoulder, but stop halfway there.

After what feels like years, she drops her hands and her eyes find their way back to mine. They're swollen and watery, and I can see from my reflection in them that mine are the exact same.

"I'm sorry," her voice is barely audible. She swallows with difficulty and takes a few deep breaths. "I was just… I was just taken off guard, sweetie."

I wait with bated breath for her to continue.

"It's—" she swallows again and shakes her head. Her voice is slow and shaky. "It's going to take me a little bit of time. You know, to wrap my mind around this."

I nod. It feels like all of the air in my lungs has been sucked out by a vacuum. My heart crashes against my sternum and ribcage.

"But, please," she sniffles and wipes her nose. "Please don't think that I love you any less. You're still my baby girl."

She lunges forward and exerts a vicelike grip around me. Our convulsions from crying are in sync.

"I love you so much, Emily," she tells me. She kisses my forehead and pulls away to look me square in the eye. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too, mom," I cry. My arms feel like spaghetti as she pulls me in for another big hug. I feel weak; it's that kind of weakness that you get when you just wake up, and you can't make a fist or anything.

She tightens her grip around me and cries into my neck. My lips quiver and my breathing is choppy.

I can barely hear my phone ringing from within my bedroom. It's Alison's ringtone.

I take a deep breath; I don't think I can talk to her right now. I want to explain to her everything that just happened—hell, that's still happening—but I don't know if I'd be able to. I feel like I would just end up breaking down, like always.

My mom kisses me forehead and clears her throat noisily. She pats the bed beside her and slides under the covers. I do as I'm told and snuggle into the bed next to her.

I can't fight the tears that fall down my face. I take a deep breath and stare up at the blank ceiling. The fan spins idly by, but the air doesn't feel any cooler.

I close my eyes, hoping to get a little rest in before school tomorrow.

* * *

"Damn, Emily, you look like you didn't sleep all night," Hanna says nonchalantly as she stabs her salad with a fork.

I look up from my dinner and give her a fake smile. She gives me a concerned look, but makes sure that it's quick so that the other girls don't notice.

I sigh and take a look around The Grille. It would be completely empty if it weren't for our group and the one person working. He's a good friend of Aria's little brother, so he lets us stay as late as we want, as long as we clean up after ourselves.

"Hey, pretty ladies," Alison says as she sits down at the head of the table. Her eyes linger on me for a few extra moments.

I smile weakly, but I know that she can tell it's forced.

"You doing okay, Em?" I expect it to be Alison asking, but instead it's Aria. Her eyes are concerned and she's biting her bottom lip.

I take a deep breath and shake my head. I can feel all of their eyes on me.

"I'm great," I lie. My voice gives me away and Spencer raises her eyebrows at me.

Hanna's eyes shift between my face and Ali's. I know that I look nervous and pale, but Ali's face gives nothing away. She has a blank, unreadable expression. A chill enters the room and I burrow deeper into my coat.

"Well, if you want to talk, we're here," Aria puts her hand on my forearm. It instantly warms my entire body.

Her phone vibrates and she removes her hand from my arm to check it.

Alison watches me with slightly narrowed eyes. I do all in my power to avoid eye contact with her.

"How's volunteering at the nursing home, Spence?" Hanna changes the subject. She shovels a ton of spinach leaves into her mouth.

"Oh my god, it's so gross," she cringes. "I had to give my nana's roommate a sponge bath yesterday. I don't think I can ever go back."

I rub my eyes and finally look at Alison. Her head is tilted to the side, and her expression is wordlessly asking me how I'm feeling.

Honestly, I feel terrible. Not just because of what happened with my mom last night, but also because I've ignored Alison all day. It's almost like I've been blaming her for the fact that I feel this way about her. Every time she tried to talk to me today, I would think of some lame excuse and go running off, leaving her confused and in the dust.

I break our gaze and look down at my empty cup of coffee. I pretend that there's still some in it and take a big gulp. Alison continues to stare at me, her mouth in a thin line.

I feel like even though everyone is talking about something else, they're all waiting for me to say something. A lot of pressure is building up in my chest, and I know that I'm going to burst soon. I clench my fists and try to suppress whatever is coming next.

"Emily, what's wrong?" Alison's voice cuts through all of the others'. I look up at her, slightly shocked, slightly annoyed. The other girls divide their time between watching me and watching Alison.

My skin crawls. What does she mean 'what's wrong'? She already knows.

"I told my mom last night," I tell her loudly. My voice is sharp and harsh.

For this moment in time, I can only see Alison. All of the other girls have disappeared in my mind, and it's just the two of us sitting across from each other from both heads of the table.

"Well, what happened?" she urges me to continue. We stare at each other from respective ends of the table.

"What do you think?"

"Well, I'm not sure, Emily," she snaps. "You haven't really been talking to me at all."

"And why do you think I would do that?"

Her eyebrows furrow and she scoffs a little.

"Wow, really?" Ali rolls her eyes. "You're getting mad at me for this? You are the one who wanted to tell your mom and the world so badly. I told you that you should—"

"No, you should have been next to me, Alison," I cut her off. "I shouldn't have had to deal with that alone."

"Why are you blaming me?" she hisses, looking around the empty restaurant.

I want to scream 'because it's easier,' but I can't. I want to break down. I want her to see through my anger and come hug me. I want her to know that I'm putting up a front, and I'm not actually blaming her. I want her to know how scared I am. I want her to not care that we're not alone.

I want to explain to her that the reason I'm getting mad at her is because it's always easier to yell at the people whom you know will always love you unconditionally. No matter how much you try to push that person away and blame stupid stuff on them, they will never leave. At the end of the day, they're the ones still waiting for you with a box of chocolates and roses, even though you should be the one apologizing.

I open my mouth to speak, to explain, to do something. But instead of words, I emit a cry.

"Oh, Emily," Alison mumbles under her breath. She stands up abruptly and rushes over to me. She cradles my body in her arms and strokes my hair.

"Shhh," she coos. I've lost control of my breathing, and it sounds more like hyperventilating. "It's okay, Emily. I'm right here."

"I know," I manage to cry. Tears soak through her silk shirt. "I'm so sorry, I—"

She pulls out of our hug and kneels beside me. "Please, don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry about."

She wipes a few tears off of my cheeks and smiles at me with her eyes, standing back up and pulling me into another big hug.

"So, I know this may be bad timing," Aria clears her throat awkwardly, "but are you two… are you two, like, seeing each other? Like dating? Officially?"

Without even a beat, "Yes."

I thought that I had said it, but I hadn't even opened my mouth yet. Alison smiles at Aria and rolls her eyes at Spencer, who's beaming at her.

"Cool, congrats," Aria shrugs her shoulders, smiling, and looks back at Spencer. "So, go on with your sponge bath story."

Alison chuckles, and I can feel the laugh vibrate through her chest. It warms my heart and I feel like my entire body has thawed.

I take a small peek at her face. It's flushed a little, but she looks comfortable. She has one arm wrapped around me, and the other is leaning lazily against the table. I think she can feel me staring at her, because she briefly looks back at me and winks.

* * *

**short and sweet, i know. i hope you guys liked it though! i'm working on the next chapter now :) hopefully i'll have it up by tonight! thanks for reading and being patient everyone!**


	13. Chapter 12

**hi! TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY! HOLLAAAAA. i'm just on a writing spree, especially because after last night's episode, fanfiction is all we have currently haha. EMISON IS STILL ENDGAME THOUGH**

**well, enjoy! lemme know what ya think :)**

* * *

Chapter 12

I'm freaking the hell out. Christmas is in less than a week and I still haven't gotten Alison anything. I've been so caught up with midterms that I haven't even had a chance to leave my house to go shopping.

I'm really relieved that today was our last exam, though. Now I can actually focus on my relationship.

I still get chills whenever I think about the fact that Ali and I are in a _relationship_. I don't know if I'll ever get used to it, but I'm not complaining.

"Earth to Emily," Hanna snaps her fingers in front of my face. "We're supposed to be looking for Christmas presents, not daydreaming about being under mistletoe."

I roll my eyes playfully and nod. Going to the mall with Hanna is never boring.

"I just don't even know where to start," I tell her honestly. I move to the next aisle and look through the racks there.

It's so true. Honestly, it wouldn't have mattered if we had exams or not. I've been putting off shopping for Alison until the last minute. It just makes me so nervous!

What if she doesn't like it? What if I get her something that she'll never even use? What if I get her something really nice and she gets me like a candy cane?

The color drains from my face. This is the fifth store we've gone to today. I don't even remember what it's called; I just know that it's really dim and there're a lot of tight jeans and crop tops.

"Emily, calm down," Hanna says. Her voice is forcefully patient, which makes me smile. "You know Alison better than anyone—probably including Alison."

I shrug. That's probably not true, but arguing with Hanna when she's 'on a roll' is futile. I zone out while she continues talking on and on.

"So just get her something she'll like!" she finishes with a squeal. I try to smile but it comes out more like a grimace. Thankfully she doesn't seem to notice, and she flounces off to the next section.

I follow her grudgingly. After looking around for another half hour, I give up. I throw my hands up and sigh loudly.

Hanna grabs my arm and drags me outside of the store so that we can hit up somewhere else.

She stops suddenly, almost giving me whiplash.

"I've got it," she turns excitedly. She grips onto my upper arms and beams.

"What?" I ask when she still doesn't say anything.

"Ali likes mystery!"

I take a deep breath and shake my head so that she knows I'm not following.

"What's more mysterious than a pair of nice sunglasses?"

I raise my eyebrows in surprise. That's not a bad idea.

"Plus, didn't she say that hers like broke or something recently?" she starts picking at her cuticles.

"Hanna, _you_ sat on them," I remind her.

"Same thing," she shrugs.

She grabs ahold of my hand and drags me off towards one of the many sunglasses stores in the mall.

* * *

"Are you okay, babe?" Ali looks up at me from her diary. She raises her hand to her face and bites her nails, stretching forward in her recliner.

I shake my head so I can focus back on reality. Honestly, I had dazed off thinking about kissing her. I rack my brain to think of a cover-up, but all coherent thoughts are evading me.

"Yeah, just tired," I settle on. She nods and returns to writing in her book.

We haven't kissed since the other day and it's been _killing_ me. I mean, since midterms, we've both been really busy; I've barely seen her. It's all I can think about. I just want her to come over onto the bed with me.

I wonder if she knows how gorgeous she is. I watch her and find myself smiling. I love the way that her hair flows over her shoulders; it cascades down past her chest and ends with a slight curl. She twirls one of the curls on the end absentmindedly.

Her pen is rested against her lips. She nibbles on the cap of it, but doesn't gnaw enough to leave teeth-marks. There's a small crease in her eyebrows as she tries to think of what to write next.

I wonder what she writes about. Life? Her family? Friends?

Me?

I find myself focuses back on her lips. They glisten under the light; I wonder what gloss she's wearing. Mostly I wonder what it tastes like. Her mouth moves in silent words as she rereads what she has written so far. After a few minutes, she closes the book, seemingly satisfied.

She looks up at me and smiles.

"How's your book coming along?" she smirks.

I look down at my lap. I had completely forgotten that I had been pretending to read as a cover. I blush and put the book aside.

"I wrote about you," she says softly as she stands. She puts the book on the chair and starts walking slowly towards the bed.

I can hear my heart pounding in my ears.

"O-oh yeah?" I try to keep my voice steady.

"Yeah," Ali brushes some hair behind her ears as she reaches the foot of her bed. "Nothing bad, don't worry."

Her fingers remain on the comforter as she makes her way even closer towards me. They drag along the material and make my heart races even faster.

She climbs into the bed in a way so that she's still facing me. She crosses her legs, causing our knees to brush against each other. I get a shiver starting at the point of contact.

Alison reaches forward and takes my hands within hers. She kisses each one individually, her lips lingering on the second one. I feel my face heat up, which causes her to chuckle.

"I love making you nervous," she says, head tilted.

"Why?" a smile tugs at my lips.

"Because it's adorable," she replies nonchalantly. She strokes her hand through my hair.

I wait for her to speak again; I feel like if I even try to talk, I'll choke on my own tongue.

"So how's everything with your mom?" she asks me seriously.

I avoid eye contact and clear my throat.

"They're fine, I guess. I mean, she went out of town a couple of days ago, and we haven't really talked since," I tell her. She winces a bit and nods in understanding.

"I'm sorry about that," she looks at me genuinely. She touches my cheek lightly and gives me an encouraging smile. "Things will get better. I promise."

"I guess," I lower my gaze and stare at my hands.

"Hey," she says so that I'll look at her again, "they will."

I stare into her blue eyes and everything around me disappears. All of my fears and problems melt away with every blink.

"You are so beautiful," I say, unable to stop myself. At first I'm embarrassed about randomly saying that, but the smile she gives me eases all of my worries and makes it worth it.

I lean forward and close the distance between our lips.

Ah, it feels _so good_ to finally kiss her again.

Alison doesn't waste any time advancing onto me. She straddles my outstretched legs, which have long since turned to jelly, and cradles the back of my head. I can't even help but emit a soft whimper when she tugs lightly on the roots of my hair.

She smiles into the kiss and pulls me even tighter against her. I wrap my arms around her waist, gripping the hem of her shirt.

I'm starting to lose my breath, but I wait until I'm almost passed out before I break the kiss. I pant as I try to catch my breath, but she doesn't stop the kisses.

She makes her way down from my lips to my jawline, stopping only when she reaches my neck. She nibbles lightly at it, causing me to dig my fingernails into her back.

Everything is happening so quickly. I know I'm starting to completely lose control, and it freaks me out a little bit. I've never been like _intimate_ with anyone before, and the fact that this is happening so fast is scaring me. I don't want her to stop; that's the last thing that I want. But at the same time, that's what's scaring me. I really want us to take our time; I think it'll all feel more real that way.

Her tongue slides against my neck and I whimper again. If I don't say something now, then it'll be too late.

"Ali," I force myself to say; I sound like I just ran a marathon. "Wait."

She pulls away so that she can see my face. I'm actually flattered when I see that her face is just as flushed as mine, and she's breathing just as heavily.

"What's wrong?" she asks, concern evident in her voice. She wipes her forehead and waits for me.

"I just," I swallow the large lump in my throat. Her eyes look so hurt. "I just want to…"

"Take it slower?" she finishes my sentence.

"Yes," I say, exasperated. "I just—I've never—"

"You don't have to explain yourself, Em," she places her index finger against my lips. "I'm the same way."

She blushes and looks down sheepishly. She hasn't either?

I furrow my eyebrows, smiling a little to myself at the same time.

"What, you weren't expecting that?" she jokes, mock-offended. I laugh and shrug my shoulders. She slides off of me and lies down.

"Come here," she commands, outstretching her arms. I never expected to be the little spoon in our relationship, but that's beside the point. I consent and lie down within them. "Let's get some rest."

I nod, closing my eyes and trying to relax. My heart is still racing from a few moments ago, but I try to calm myself down.

"Just so you know, Em," Ali begins suddenly but trails off. She tightens her grip around me.

"What?" I urge her to continue. I snuggle more into her arms. I feel like if we were any closer, we would be one person.

"You make me just as nervous," she answers, her voice quiet. I can feel her warm, sweet breath against my ear.

I smile widely and drift off into a deep sleep.

* * *

**well i hope you guys liked it! i'm pretty new to writing sexy time scenes, but bear with me. i'll get there ;)**

**by the way, thank you guys so much for all of the reviews. they're all so nice and make me want to write even more! i'm really flattered that a lot of you have said this is your favorite emison story-that means SO MUCH to me. you're all awesome**

**more to come soon, i promise!**

**lemme know what you think! have a great dayyy**


	14. Chapter 13

**hi everyone! i'm so sorry it took me so long... again... school started and i've just been swamped with work. but now i'm back! hope you guys enjoy this chapter! :)**

* * *

I love Christmas.

I shift in my seat between Alison and Hanna; I can't help but smile as I look at the happy faces all gathered around my dining room table.

This Christmas, we all decided to celebrate together. Spencer's parents both went to London, Hanna's mom got snowed into her hotel during a trip to New York, Alison's parents were visiting Jason somewhere, and Aria's dad had a teaching conference in Syracuse. So, that just left my mom and Aria's mom, and of course all of the girls. The moms take up the heads of the table.

Spencer and Aria sit across from Alison and me. They're playing red-hands or some other weird handshake game.

I feel Ali's fingertips lightly brush my leg and I start beaming. My face flushes as I lace my fingers within hers.

She raises her glass of red wine (rare occasion where my mom lets us drink one glass) to her lips and takes a small sip. She savors the bold flavor before swallowing. My mom whispers something to her, causing her to giggle. I don't think my mom would be being this nice to her if she knew that Alison was my girlfriend.

"So, Alison," Mrs. Montgomery says as she brushes some hair out of her face, "how are your parents doing?"

"They're great," she smiles brightly. "Thanks for asking."

Spencer raises her eyebrows at Alison, almost as if saying she was full of it. Alison winks and shrugs. I furrow my eyebrows a little; are things rocky at her house? I didn't know that. I wonder why she hasn't told me.

"Ella, do you want some more wine? I have a huge cabinet full of bottles that I've never gotten around to drinking," my mom offers. Mrs. Montgomery's eyes brighten and she nods; everyone knows red wine is her absolute favorite. They stand up in sync and scurry off to the kitchen for a moment.

I lean in close to Alison, deeply inhaling her scent. Tonight, she smells like cinnamon; it makes me smile.

"Hey, are things okay at your house?" I whisper so quietly that I'm worried she didn't hear me. Her eyebrow twitches when I stop talking, though.

She nods and turns to face me; our faces are inches apart. I don't even think about anyone else in the room right now. The only thing I can focus on is her elongated eyelashes batting flirtatiously and her lip gloss shining in the candlelight.

"Everything's fine," she responds, tapping the tip of my nose with a slender finger. "Don't worry, sweetie."

I force a smile. I can tell that she's lying to me, and it makes me feel nauseous honestly. I clear my throat and try to think about anything except for that.

"So, Alison," my mom's voice carries from the kitchen into the dining room, her body following it, "who's your boyfriend?"

In my peripheral vision, I see Hanna snicker and hide her face in her napkin.

Alison tilts her head to the side innocently and smiles softly.

"I have a boyfriend?" she asks, laughing a little. I can feel her body tensing up beside me.

"Well, that's what Ella and I were wondering," my mom continues. "I mean, you're so beautiful and such a catch."

Alison blushes and shakes her head slowly, trying to brush off the compliments. She doesn't say anything in response, and a momentary silence falls over us. My mom downs her wine and then pours another glass.

I take a deep breath and wait for Alison to say something. She gives me a quick glance.

"I really don't have a boyfriend," she says. She's grinning as she takes another sip of wine, but she doesn't seem comfortable. Spencer and Aria do a subtle cheers to her from across the table.

My mom shrugs and sits down again, chatting animatedly to Spencer as if nothing happened. Hanna and Aria carry on a lively conversation with Mrs. Montgomery, but the only thing I can focus on is Alison.

"You look beautiful tonight, Ali," I whisper so that only she can hear.

"So I've heard," she smirks. "I'm also quite the catch."

I slap her shoulder playfully, my hand lingering. She touches it lightly before pulling it underneath the table to hold. She softly lets go of my hand and begins to trace small, light circles on my upper leg. I shift, trying not to give in to her tricks. She leans in close to me, her cheek pressed against mine.

"What?" she smiles into my hair. I start to get self-conscious that my mom is staring, but then again at the same time, I don't even care. Alison has hypnotized me again.

I let out a dorky giggle and cover her hand with mine so that she can't draw imaginary shapes on my leg anymore.

"What do you think of that, Emily?" my mom's voice jars me from my fantasy land. I start, jumping away from Alison. She doesn't seem as startled, and moves back into her seat comfortably.

"I think? I think about—" my face is bright red as I try to form sentences. I clear my throat and try again, "About what?"

"Staying in Spencer's barn this upcoming semester," my mom suspiciously shifts her gaze between me and Alison. "So that I can go to Texas and see your father."

"My mom said it would be perfect," Spencer extends her arm across the table to hold my hand. "Sorry it's not too much of a surprise anymore, but that's one of the things I got you for Christmas. I've even been working on the décor around it so that it's more comfortable for you. Now it's a lot more like your room."

I beam at her, genuinely happy. I'm also happy that she changed the way her barn was decorated; it was kinda gloomy while Melissa lived there. I hope she took down the depressing artwork and the paintings of the burnt down trees.

I turn to look at Ali, but she isn't surprised. She raises an eyebrow at me and smiles wider when I do.

"That's so cool, Spencer!" I jump up from the table, knocking my chair over behind me. I totally ignore it as I rush over to her and give her a giant bear hug.

"See, that's not fair. I don't have a barn to pimp out for a Christmas present," Hanna grumbles. "No one is going to hug me like that."

"I'll hug you like that," Aria offers, shrugging her shoulders. Hanna pretends to be disgusted, causing them both to crack up.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I squeal while holding onto Spence. I'm so happy because everyone else is going to be. My mom will get to be with my dad for a long time, I'll get to save Spencer from any awkward family gatherings, _and_ I'll be next door neighbors with Alison.

* * *

A couple hours later, the girls and I sit comfortably around my room. Aria's mom is sleeping over in the guest room and my mom has already gone to sleep.

Hanna rolls over on the ground onto Alison's lap. Ali winces in pain at first but then starts laughing. She combs her fingers through Hanna's hair and starts absentmindedly styling it.

"So, where are my presents?" Hanna demands. Aria rolls her eyes and heads over towards her purse and the wrapped presents beside it.

"Oh, I didn't get you anything, Hanna," Spencer shrugs. "I didn't think you liked getting presents."

Ali smiles, the brightness reaching her eyes. Just her happiness alone makes me ecstatic.

Within a few moments, we're all in a circle on my floor. Alison brushes her hair behind her and leans on my shoulder. I feel my face heating up.

I don't know what to do with Alison. I hope that she didn't get me anything weird; that would be so awkward in front of the other girls. Like, something romantic that would make the other girls feel uncomfortable. I shiver, trying to push the thoughts from my mind.

"Here, Han," Aria starts the gift exchange off. Before long, there's wrapping paper all of the floor and us.

"Oh my god!" Spencer exclaims. "Ali, is this the newest model? It is!"

Ali looks at Spencer weirdly. "I don't know, Spence, it's an electronic planner. I thought they were all the same."

Spencer lunges across the circle and tackles Alison.

I look down at my gifts, smiling like an idiot. Spencer got me a new, advanced technology pair of goggles, Aria got me some _adorable_ leather gloves, and Hanna gave me a giant parka so that I wouldn't have to keep borrowing other people's jackets. I held Alison's gift in my hands and clutched it close to my heart. She pretended not to notice, but I'm pretty sure I saw her blush.

Ali gave me the prettiest present ever. It was a candid, black and white picture of us from that day at lunch when Aria brought her vintage camera. Her hand is against my cheek, and it looks like she's tucking some hair behind my ear. I've never seen such love and compassion in someone's eyes, and I never would have guessed I would see that in Ali's expression towards_ me_. I'm shyly looking down, but it represents our relationship perfectly. She's always the outwardly strong one, but deep down, we both know that she needs me. If she didn't, there's no way she would get that passionate look in her eyes. She has a vulnerability that she reserves only for me, and I love it.

The frame is silver with fake diamonds all around the borders. It makes us stand out even more.

Ali finally looks over at me and shrugs her shoulders.

"That's also from Aria," she explains. "I asked her to take the camera to lunch that day just so I could get a picture of us. You look absolutely beautiful, as always."

I blush and look down.

"Do you like your present?" I ask shyly.

She kisses me on the cheek, causing my eyes to widen. She told me that she didn't feel comfortable doing that kind of thing in front of the other girls.

"I love it," she extracts the sunglasses from their case and holds them out in front of her. Her face shines brightly in the reflection before she puts them on.

She looks back at me, and I could have sworn that she winked—too bad I couldn't see her eyes.

"Ladies," Alison says suddenly, still looking at me. "Don't forget, I have a present for all of you beautiful girls."

"What?" all of us say in unison. I look around excitedly; none of the other girls seem to have a clue of what she's talking about either. Spencer leans forward until she's basically on Ali's lap.

Alison leans back, pushing Spence away lightly by the forehead. She rummages in her purse and pulls out a tiny box. It has a red ribbon tied around it.

"Ooh, can I open it?" Hanna asks excitedly. Alison starts handing the box over to her when Spencer grabs her arm.

"Emily should open it," she looks around at each of us. "I mean, come on. It's Christmas; you have to show favoritism."

"Oh, uh, okay," I stutter. Ali turns so that she's facing me and hands me the small, white box. Our hands touch during the exchange, and I feel the electricity flowing through my veins. I hope I never get used to that sensation.

My fingers shake slightly as I pull the bow until it's undone. It falls apart easily and collapses in my hand. I shake the threads off and continue to open the box.

I furrow my eyebrows when I've lifted the top of it off. Alison lightly takes the top from me and places it beside her. She looks around at all of our faces anxiously.

One small, beautiful, silver key lay in the middle of the box on top of a small strip of cotton.

"What's it a key to?" I ask. I look at the other girls, but all of them shrug and shake their heads.

"Noel Kahn's cabin," she flips her hair behind her ear. She looks directly at me, "Remember that date I set him up on a couple of weeks back? The one that you thought I was going on? Well, it was so that I could get us this."

She withdraws the key from the box and dangles it in front of us.

"New Year's Eve," she says dramatically. "Just us five, alone at that cabin. Can you say tequila?"

"Tequila," Hanna answers mechanically.

Spencer rolls her eyes and snatches the key from Ali's grasp.

"How do we know that this isn't a joke?" she eyes the key suspiciously. "How do we know he won't show up and scare the hell out of us?"

"Because he won't," Alison states firmly. "I made sure that he would leave us alone. Besides, he's not even in Rosewood."

"Is there a catch?" Aria asks as Spencer hands her the key to look at.

"I just ask that," she clears her throat and hesitates, her face flushing. "I just ask that Emily and I can go up a day before you guys."

Hanna shrugs. "I thought that that was a given."

Alison breathes a sigh of relief and noticeably relaxes.

"Where's the cabin?" I ask tentatively.

"It's about an hour out of town, pretty much in the middle of nowhere," Ali responds. "It'll be like our own little winter vacation."

She grins as the Hanna squeals and drags us all into a group hug. I'm still in a stupor that Ali and I will be going up a day earlier than everyone else. Something tells me that she has a lot more planned for us than she's letting on.

* * *

**so that is part 1 of the christmas presents! there's a part 2, but i wanted to send you guys this first so you had something to read while i finish writing it :) hope you guys enjoyed it!**

**thanks so much for reading, i can't wait to hear what you guys think!**


	15. Chapter 14

**hi guys! WOOOOO I ACTUALLY UPDATED WITHIN A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF TIME! :) i hope you guys enjoy it! this is part 2 of Em and Ali's first Christmas as a couple. hehe can't wait to hear what you guys think!**

**quick answer to a review question from last chapter: emily's mom doesn't know that they are dating, but she's pretty suspicious after seeing how they flirted and acted during dinner. **

**thanks for the awesome reviews guys :)**

* * *

Chapter 14

I wake up, startled, in the middle of the night. I can see Hanna and Aria on the floor beside my bed; Spencer must be on the other side. I roll over, expecting to see Ali, but instead I see an empty bed. I sit up frantically and look around the room.

My eyes fall upon her shadowed figure on my window-seat. I smile softly to myself; we've had so many deep conversations in that exact seat. I wonder if she thinks about these things as much as I do.

She shivers and adjusts her hair, still gazing out the window. I slowly tiptoe out of bed and move closer to her.

I make sure to step over Hanna's sprawled out body parts; Spencer and Aria are easier to walk over. I silently creep forward, careful not to wake them.

"Ali," I whisper, hoping that I don't scare her. She doesn't jump, but takes in a deep breath.

Ali turns to face me and scoots over so that I can sit next to her. Worry is etched onto her face, but she tries to cover it up by smiling at me.

"Is everything okay?" I ask quietly.

She looks at me strangely. "Huh?"

I give her a look that tells her I'm not fooled. She shrugs her shoulders and looks away from me.

"I guess so," her voice is barely audible. She's staring intently at the foot of Spencer's sleeping bag.

"Is it about your parents?"

She finally looks at me, startled. She shakes her head anxiously.

"Emily, the things that are going on at my house don't concern you," she says firmly. She takes another deep breath when she realizes how harsh she sounded. "I don't want you to worry about me, okay?"

"I just want to make sure—"

"I know, Em," she interrupts and puts her hand on my leg. She licks her lips and continues, "I know, sweetie. I've just been dealing with a couple of things that I don't want to trouble you with."

I clear my throat with difficulty and nod. I can feel the tears prickling in the corners of my eyes, but I try my hardest to fight them. I look down at her hand so that she won't notice.

But she does.

She sighs and wipes her forehead. She doesn't look at me when she says, "Stay here."

I sit as still as a statue, waiting for her to walk over to her purse and then come back. She hesitates while rummaging through her purse. An uncomfortable chill washes over me. I can see her lick her lips again as she shoves something into her pajama pants' pocket.

She walks back, slowly, and pauses again before sitting down next to me.

"My parents aren't with Jason," she begins. She has to take another deep breath to calm her nerves before she continues. "My mom isn't really on speaking terms with me right now."

I furrow my eyebrows and lean closer, not understanding.

She bites her lip and reaches into her pocket.

"Here," she says softly as she hands me another small white box. "Before you open it, though…"

She hesitates and looks away from me again. I look at the box with confusion evident on my face. She claps her hands around mine so that I can't open the present.

"I had to tell my mom that we're dating," Ali stares at our intertwined hands. "She didn't take it very well. Actually, she didn't take it at all."

"What happened? Why did you have to tell her?" So many questions ran through my mind, but Ali raised one finger to my lips to silence me.

"I got you this. She thought it was weird to get a friend something so," Alison pauses, searching for the word, "intimate. And she's right."

My heart starts pounding. I look back down at the box, nervous to see what's inside. My curiosity is piqued, and my mouth is almost watering from anxiety.

"Then, I thought," Ali continues, swallowing awkwardly, "maybe it's a weird thing to get for a girlfriend, too. Maybe I'm falling too fast; I mean we haven't been dating for that long. I should probably slow down."

I shake my head, but can't find the words. I don't want her to slow down! I fall more and more in love with her with every second that we spend together; I could only hope that she does the same.

She releases my hands, having nothing more to say. She sucks her cheeks in and holds her breath, waiting for my reaction.

I clear my throat awkwardly and look back down at the box. It's garnished with a piece of mistletoe, which makes me smile. My smile eases her tension a little, but not very much.

To lighten the mood, I pull the mistletoe off and raise it above our heads. She rolls her eyes but doesn't hesitate to lean in and kiss me. Her lips are soft and smooth, like always, but this time they're trembling. I can feel her pulse racing.

She breaks the kiss, touching her lips afterwards. Her fingers linger on her bottom lip like she's deeply thinking. She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"Ali," I start to say, but then I stop. I don't know what I would even say. What do I even address? Do I open this present or do I comfort her? Do I ask her about how her mom feels about us dating? Does this mean we're going public? I clear my throat and look back down at the present, avoiding eye contact with her.

"Emily," she says suddenly. Her eyes are wide and she's staring straight at my collarbone with glossy eyes. I narrow my eyes, clearly perplexed.

She takes yet another deep breath and finally looks me in the eye.

"I love you so much, Emily," she finally says. Her voice shakes slightly. "I love you so much that it scares the hell out of me. I get worried—" she hesitates and clears her throat. "I get worried that I care for you a lot more than you care about me. And that scares me. I'm not saying that you don't like me; that's not it. I'm just saying, the things I feel for you. The way I feel about you. The things I would do for you."

Her voice has dropped to a barely audible whisper. I open my mouth to speak, but can't. I've lost all ability to use my voice; all I can do is continue to be mesmerized by Alison.

She loves me. She loves me. She loves me.

Why would she think that she likes me more than I like her? I always thought it was super obvious by how I fawned over her. My throat is dry and I can hear my heart beating rapidly in my ears. I think it's loud enough that it could possibly wake even Hanna up.

She watches me expectantly, sucking in her lips. I try to say something else, but it comes out more as a squeak. It causes her to crack a small smile.

"Ali," I force myself to say something. My voice cracks noticeably, which causes her smile to widen. "Ali, if you think that everything you feel isn't mutual… I don't even know what to say. That's exactly it."

I throw my head back and sigh. I'm such a dork.

"If you can't tell that I'm totally into you," I look back at her; her eyes are shining in the moonlight. "If you can't tell, then we have a problem with your perception. Alison, whenever you're around, I'm always blushing, my voice cracks… basically, I'm a total loser. I don't even know what you see in me. I try to say things, but I can't. All I can think about is how lucky I am to be with such an amazing girl. What could I have possibly done to deserve you?"

Her eyebrows crease and she shakes her head almost to disagree. I reach forward and lightly grasp her chin in my hand. It feels so weird to have all of the power over her. I can feel her jaw clenching and it makes me smile.

"Honestly, I got you something else, too," I drop my hand from her face. She immediately holds my hand. I lightly pull away from her and give her the small box back for a moment.

I stand up, somehow without fainting. This entire conversation has been so heated and intense.

I creep my way over to my nightstand and pull out the wrapped book I got her. I clutch it close to me and make my way back to her. I swallow the huge lump in my throat and grin at her.

"So," I say as I sit down, "on the count of three, how about we open these at the same time?"

She nods but doesn't say anything. She hands me the box back wordlessly; her fingers linger on my hand during the exchange, but she doesn't pull away. She stares, a small smile gleaming in her eyes.

I take a deep breath. "One."

"Two," she breathes.

"Three."

She pulls the paper off lightly, careful not to damage anything. I watch her, basically forgetting to open my own present. Thankfully, she's too enraptured with my gift to even notice.

"Oh my god, Emily," she says breathlessly. When she looks up at me, I can see that light tears on her face.

I smile wide, causing her to laugh and wipe her face.

It took me forever to find, but I got her an elegant diary. You know those really old, first edition, classic literature books that have that distinct binding and the golden pages? It's modeled after those. It has an old, historical feeling to it, which I knew Alison would appreciate. My favorite part, though, is the lock that I had installed on it. It's in the small shape of a heart, with her initials engraved inside it as a monogram.

I wait anxiously for her to say something else, but then I realize that she's too happy to speak. She's smiling so widely that she's trying to suppress it.

"Emily, this is so beautiful," she finally whispers. Her voice has regained its usual seductive, raspy qualities that make me go weak at the knees. "I absolutely love it."

She leans forward and pulls me into a huge hug. Even though the diary is wedged between our chests, I can still feel her heart pounding through it.

"It's like an antique," she gushes. She slides the key out of its holder and unlocks it so that she can look inside. The pages are firm and thin, very similar to parchment. I knew that it would give her a whole new experience whenever she was doing an entry. Maybe it would even inspire her.

I don't say anything. I don't know what to say. I don't want to call any attention off of her, but she lightly taps on the unopened box in my left hand, making sure not to break eye contact.

I blink a couple of times, trying to call myself back to reality. She watches me apprehensively, her mouth in a thin line.

When I open the box and look inside, I'm surprised that I don't pass out right then and there. I gasp and put my hand on my heart, truly in a dazed stupor.

"Alison," I manage to say. I reach inside the box and withdraw the most beautiful gold bracelet that I've ever seen in my entire life.

Right off the bat, anyone can tell that it's pure, solid gold. It's a charm bracelet, and the collection has already been started. I bring it up close to my face to examine what charms Ali picked out already.

My heart melts. The first charm I see is one that has my name engraved in the middle in small, elegant calligraphy. Next to that charm is one with a medium-sized 'A' engraved on it. I swallow, my throat dry from excitement. I continue to look through the charms, my smile widening with each one.

The next one is a heart with our initials. I notice her holding her breath as I fiddle around with that one. When my smile brightens, she exhales. I look up at her for a moment; I don't know what to say though.

The final two charms are shaped like a swimmer on a block and the Eiffel Tower. It reminds me of the coffee mug that I always use whenever I'm at her house.

She tentatively reaches to put the beautiful jewelry around my wrist: perfect fit.

"Do you like it?" her voice is cautious.

I stare at her, startled.

"Like it? What the hell, Alison," I laugh. "I love it. It's absolutely perfect."

"You're perfect," she murmurs; it's so quiet that I'm not even sure if she said it or if I imagined her saying it.

"Well, now you can see why I had to tell my mom," she scratches the back of her neck. "But it was worth it just to see your face light up."

I can't stop grinning like an idiot. My cheeks are starting to get sore from smiling so much, but I can't help it. I lurch forward and pull her into the biggest hug.

"I can't even explain how much I love it," I whisper in her ear. I hadn't even meant to say it out loud, but it slipped out. I hear her lightly smirk when she pulls out of the hug.  
Her fingers delicately dance on my cheek and around my face. She brushes some hair behind my ear lightly before sliding her hand onto the back of my neck. She gently pulls me into her lips.

At first, I don't close my eyes. I know it sounds weird, but I've just always wondered what she looks like when we're kissing.

Her cheeks are bright pink, and I can feel the warmth from the rush of blood against my face. Her eyes are relaxed; her eye-shadow glitters even in the dark of the night. The crease in her eyebrows makes me smile. It's almost like she's trying to create more passion by doing so.

Her hand massages the back of my neck, and I relax into the kiss. I exhale any tension that had been in my body.

I end the kiss just because I want to look at her face again. She leans her forehead against mine and smiles so wide that her dimples show. Without even thinking about it, I raise a finger and lightly touch one of them, causing her to smile even wider.

I know it sounds stupid and cheesy, but I really lose myself in her blue eyes. Right now, it flatters me to see that they're just as dazed as mine. I shake my head softly. She kisses my forehead and takes a deep breath while stretching.

"We should get some rest," Ali suggests softly. She squeezes my knee and begins to stand up. I catch her by the wrist before she can walk over to the bed.

"Alison, wait," I say suddenly. I look at her seriously before admitting, "I love you, too. I know that I've already kind of told you that, but I just wanted you to know for sure. Don't doubt that."

She tilts her head to the side and squints her eyes, smiling through them instead of with her teeth.

"I know, sweetie."

Ali helps me stand up, causing me to almost crash into her. Our bodies are flush together. She rolls her eyes playfully.

"Wait," I stop her again as she's turning away. "What's going on at the cabin?"

"It's a secret," she replies mysteriously, winking for good measure.

"Can you tell me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Oh, sweetie," she brushes a hand through her gorgeous blonde hair. "Because only two can keep a secret if one of them is dead."

She winks again and taps the tip of my nose with her finger. She nods over to the bed, beaming. It's my turn to roll my eyes now. I reach forward and link our hands together as she leads the way back to my bed.

I crawl onto the left side, suddenly overtaken by exhaustion. After a few minutes, I can't resist anymore; I need to see her face one more time. Trying to be subtle, I sneak a peek at Ali out of the corner of my eye. Her eyes are closed and she looks truly content. The moonlight from my window shines onto her bronzed face, illuminating her beautiful features.

I smile and adjust my body until I'm in a comfortable enough position.

"I love you, Alison," I whisper. I'm pretty sure she's asleep already, so I don't feel self-conscious saying it.

My bracelet jingles as I reach for her hand with confidence before falling into the deepest, sweetest sleep.

* * *

**alrighty so there ya go. they both actually got each other super personal things. hollaaaa. so cute. next chapter to come soon! i'm starting it as soon as i finish uploading this chapter!**

**hope you guys like it! lemme know what you think and if you want to see anything specific happen at the cabin ;)**


	16. Chapter 15

**hi guys :) i'm back again! well, the cabin has finally arrived! we're starting to wind down in the story. there's only a couple more chapters until it's complete :( but i'm so glad you guys have been enjoying it so far!**

**someone asked me how old the girls are. i imagine them as juniors, emily just doesn't have her license yet. all of the other girls do.**

**enjoy and lemme know what you think :)**

* * *

Chapter 15

I didn't sleep at all last night. This morning is the day that Ali and I go up to the Kahn's ski lodge _alone_. I can't even lie about how nervous I am. I feel like after Christmas, everything is on a completely new level for us. I wonder if she feels that way, too. Maybe that's why she wanted to have a day alone?

I haven't seen Ali since the morning after Christmas. Her parents got back in town, bringing Jason with them. I wonder if things have ironed themselves out or if they're still in the rough.

My phone buzzes from the desk across my bedroom. I jump off of my bed with one quick motion and dive for it, hoping it's Alison.

My stomach drops a little. It's Spencer.

**_Hey, Em. Have a great time today and we'll see you tomorrow around lunchtime!_**

**_Spencer_**

I smile and type back something along the lines of 'thank you, I love you.'

A small knock on my door causes me to flinch. I turn around, startled, leaning on my desk with my phone behind me.

"Hi, honey," my mom whispers as she comes into my bedroom. She closes the door softly behind her and approaches me with a hug. I return it, a little confused.

"Hey, mom," my voice is uncertain.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," she looks at me apprehensively as she sits down on the edge of my bed. Her hands are folded in her lap.

I shake my head a couple times, not understanding. A crease forms between my eyebrows.

"Are you—" she hesitates, trying to find the right words. "Are you and Alison—"

My heart stops. What the hell do I say? My mouth opens in horror and I stare, waiting for her to continue. I can feel my throat cracking from dryness. I hold my breath and wait for the inevitable.

"Are you two seeing each other?"

There it is.

I clear my throat and smooth the top of my hair down nervously. I open and close my mouth multiple times, trying to think of an explanation. I pause, trying to buy enough time.

My mom isn't fooled. She sighs and hangs her head, rubbing her temples. I can feel her disappointment radiating from across the room. It plucks at my heart strings and I have to swallow to suppress the tears that are springing from my eyes.

When she looks up, her eyes are puffy. She nods to herself a few times before standing up and starting to head out of my room. There's a knock on the front door almost immediately after her first step.

She reaches the doorway and suddenly turns around to face me. I look at her with confusion; it's not like her to keep someone waiting.

"Please," she begins, and I brace myself for the blow, "please, don't let her break your heart."

I exhale a long breath, not expecting that. My eyebrows furrow once more and I lick my lips. We look each other in the eye for a few moments before she is seemingly satisfied and exits without saying anything else.

I hear my mom talking in a low voice to the person she just invited into our home. Within a few moments, soft footsteps approach me from the stairs.

There's a small knock on my door before Alison reveals herself. She has a serious look in her eyes. I can tell that my mom approached her, too.

"Are you ready to go?" she asks me, her expression softening when she sees the traces of tears in my eyes.

I cough and try to play it off, but Alison can tell that something's wrong. She watches me with a steady eye. She waits expectantly, but I don't say anything.

"Ready?" she repeats when it's clear that I'm not going to address what just happened with my mom.

To be honest, that's been on my mind for a while. I'm so scared that Ali is going to end up hurting me. I know that she says she loves me, and she's never felt this way about anyone before, but I don't know how much I can trust that. I mean, a certain type of food can be your favorite until you have it for a long time and get sick of it.

I hope Alison doesn't get sick of me.

She leans against my doorframe.

"Are you having second thoughts?" her voice is quiet and filled with uncertainty. It wavers slightly, a drastic contrast to its normal seductive sound.

"What?" I ask, realizing that I haven't moved an inch. I stand up off of my desk quickly and wipe my eyes, sniffing a little in the process. "No, I'm ready."

She nods and slings my bag over her shoulder, leaving my room without saying anything else.

* * *

There's a noticeable glint of worry in her eyes while she's securing our bags. She narrows them as she slams the trunk of her silver BMW closed.

"Bye, mom," I wave over my head in the direction of my porch. My mom stands in the doorway with her arms crossed. She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes.

I sigh as I slide into Ali's car. My nerves are increasing by the second. I just feel like things are off for some reason. There's noticeable tension in the car, and for once it's not sexual.

"So, uhm, how far of a drive is it?" I break the silence. She looks at me for a brief moment before focusing on the road again.

"I don't know," she shrugs. "Maybe like two hours."

Her voice lacks its usual sex appeal and confidence, which worries me; instead it's edgy and hard. I feel my face heating up and my palms starting to get sweaty. What if she's done with me already? She takes a deep breath and turns off of my street carefully. The road has iced over from last night's snowstorm.

Without speaking, she turns the dial of her radio up. I swallow. It's P!nk's "Blow me (One Last Kiss)." At any other point in our relationship—as friends or girlfriends—we would be jamming out to the song. But at this point, it just seems super awkward and uncomfortable. She stares at the car speakers out of the corner of her eye, seemingly thinking the same thing.

"Is there something wrong?" I ask her hesitantly. My voice is high and squeaky; I don't want her to answer, to be honest. I don't know if I can handle if she's mad at me.

She looks at me strangely.

"What?" her forehead creases.

"I just—" I pause, trying not to stutter, "I just thought it s-seemed like you were mad."

Ali flips her hair over her shoulder and gives me a quick smile.

"I'm not mad," she says. "I'm just really nervous."

"Oh," I breathe a noticeable sigh of relief. My body relaxes into the passenger's seat. "About the cabin?"

"Honestly?" she takes a deep breath and holds it for a few moments. "No. I'm nervous about what happens after the cabin."

I look at her, clearly not know exactly what she's referring to.

"I just wanted to remind you that I'm," she clears her throat before continuing, "not ready to be public with our relationship."

My heart sinks and my face noticeably falls. All of the air in my lungs depletes and makes it hard for me to draw a breath.

Alison notices, but I can tell she doesn't know what to say. Her eyes flicker between the road and me.

"I'm sorry, Em," she finally speaks. "I just need a little more time. But I'll come around, you know I will."

She raises her hand and strokes my cheek lightly.

"Did my mom say anything to you?" I ask quietly.

"No," her posture stiffens, but she shakes her head. "She just looked at me and I knew instantly that she knew. The look of fear and disappointment in her eyes… I don't know if I'm ready for that yet."

"Welcome to my life," I mumble.

She looks at me sympathetically and winces. I shrug and try to act like it's not a big deal.

It all just really hurts my feelings. I wish that Alison wouldn't be ashamed to be in a relationship with me. Why can't she just take a leap of faith and go public? It's not like just because we love each other, we automatically have the same exact feelings for any other girl we see. I think she's afraid to be labeled, which makes me sad. I was hoping that she would be able to make that bold move with me, but I guess she's not ready.

She can tell it bothers me. I chew my lip, not saying anything. She takes a deep breath and reaches across the center console to hold my hand. I swallow back tears; I wish we could do this kind of thing in public.

"Don't cry, sweetie," her voice is soft and soothing. "I love you."

I nod and squeeze her hand, almost as if to say 'I know.'

* * *

"We're almost there," Alison tells me a little while later. She looks over and beams at me. It's that infectious smile that she saves just for me, and I can't help but reciprocate.

We're pretty much in the middle of nowhere. About thirty miles back, we took an exit onto a back road up the mountain. The thick pine trees surround us, almost as if they're creating a force field between us and reality.

She winds down another side road before the cabin is fully visible. To get to it, we have to cross a small, rickety bridge over a rather large lake. I instinctively grip the side of my seat, worried that the car will break through the flimsy wooden bridge.

I see Ali smirking at me out of the corner of my eye and I blush. Even after I loosen my clasp on the 'oh shit' handlebar, she's still staring. I furrow my eyebrows before I realize that she's waiting to see my reaction.

When I look forward at the cabin in front of us, I almost pass out.

It's completely decorated from top to bottom with Christmas things. Santa and his reindeer are strutting across the roof, giant snow globes are speckled with snow in the front yard, and a huge sign on the front gate that blares "Winter Wonderland" in bright red.

"It's even prettier at night," Alison says from close beside me.

I open my mouth to speak, but almost immediately close it like an idiot. I don't doubt that it is prettier then.

Colored Christmas lights border the entire roof and all of the trees. It's almost enough to be tacky, but not quite. The snow falls lightly on the ground, perfecting the scene in front of me.

"You made me a Winter Wonderland?" I ask breathlessly. Her grip around my fingers tightens.

"There's more," she whispers as she pulls up into sheltered, but still open, garage.

She exits the car and hurries around to my side so that she can open my door for me.

"The other girls are going to absolutely _freak_ when they see this!" I exclaim. The cold air greets my body and freezes my lungs, but I'm too happy to even notice that. I hate how you can see your breath in the cold: my breathing is so erratic.

I'm not sure if it's from the cold or if she's blushing, but Ali's cheeks brighten to a light pink.

"Well, that's another part of the surprise," she turns to face me. Now I can tell that she definitely is blushing.

The cold air pricks her eyes until they water; or maybe she's happy crying. I can't tell.

"The other girls aren't coming," she admits, a soft smile playing upon her lips. "That was a hoax to surprise you."

"Well, you definitely did that," I breathe, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Come on," she laughs and tugs on my hand. I continue to absorb all of the bright decorations and lights, the inflatable snowmen, the stars that, although not lit right now, will look absolutely stunning when darkness falls.

"So this is where you've been since Christmas?" I ask. She nods, but doesn't turn back to face me. I add, more to myself than to her, "So you haven't been avoiding me."

I didn't mean for her to hear that part. She turns back to face me, shaking her head slowly.

"Of course not, sweetie," she stops in her tracks and pulls me in for a long hug. "Why would I go and do a stupid thing like that? There's no service out here, I couldn't answer any calls or texts."

I'm about to respond when something in front of me catches my eye.

"Whoa, what the hell is that?" I say, a lot louder than I intended to.

Alison laughs, her beautiful voice chiming throughout the paradise.

"It's an inflatable igloo," she rolls her eyes. "Before you get too excited, there's nothing really special in there. It's more for looks than anything. I just threw sleeping bags in there for decoration."

"I can't believe you did this for me," I say, still in disbelief. "Alison, wow. This is so perfect."

"I know how much you love Christmas," she replies simply.

"Which one of my trillions of shirts gave it away?" I ask sarcastically, earning myself another eye roll.

"And, well, aside from the stuff inside the cabin, here's our final destination," Ali announces. She flips her beautiful golden hair behind her shoulders and gestures to the frozen-over lake behind her. It's decorated like an ice skating rink, with giant red bows tied on every tree.

"I don't have ice skates," I mumble sheepishly.

"Please," Alison scoffs and brushes some snowflakes out of my hair. "Do you think that I would plan all of this and forget to get ice skates?"

She points to a small area next to the rickety bridge. There, the skates are propped up against a bundle of blankets and coats. I squint my eyes more and make out that there are also mittens and beanies.

"Wow, Ali. I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything," she whispers. "Not yet."

She pulls my hands until my body is flush against hers. Her bare, cold hands lightly stroke my face and tuck hair behind my ear. Despite the freezing air, my face heats up. I swallow and try to keep my mind from wandering to other places.

She gives me a quick, chaste kiss, leaving me wanting more. I lean forward again, but by then she has turned around and is leading me into the cabin.

"I've got all of your favorite Christmas movies," she says as she opens the screen door. She keeps it propped open with her back as she fiddles with her keys until she finds the right one. She jimmies the lock until the door opens.

We're immediately blasted by hot air. It feels incredible and I almost trample Alison so that I can defrost myself.

The cabin is cozy to say the least. It's rather large; there are a lot of hallways that I'm sure lead off to different bedrooms and game rooms. We're standing in the warm common room, which is complete with a large, flat screen television, every game system ever created, and a lot of comfy, light leather couches. A kitchen is attached to the left side of the room; the rest of the room is made up of decorations: mostly hunting trophies. There's a fireplace beside one of the couches, and on the mantle Ali has nailed two Christmas stockings, one with a large E and the other with a large A embroidered across the top.

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" she asks as she closes and locks the door behind her. "Or maybe some dark roast coffee?"

I smile, "Either one."

"Well, I brought your favorite mug," she combs through her hair, lingering at the ends.

"Awesome," I say before I lose myself in her beauty; it radiates throughout the entire room. The cold air has made the pink color rise in her face, especially on her nose, emphasizing her adorable freckles. Her dimple noticeably appears whenever she smiles at me, which is all of the time. I find myself staring for a little too long into her beautiful blue eyes.

She's like a Siren who has seduced me with her song. I've left everything I've ever known and taken a leap of faith into the mystic waters of Alison DiLaurentis.

She has to know how much power she has over me. I bite my chapped lip and can't help but grin to myself. I'm such a dork.

She turns her back to me as she starts to get the fireplace going.

"You didn't hear a word I said, did you," Alison asks, but it's more like a statement. She looks back at me when she's successfully made the fire.

I shake my head, still in her trance. Her light eyes dance in the firelight. Immediate warmth, even more than before, comes over me. But I know that it's from Alison, not the fire.

She takes a few steps closer to me and I can feel my breath hitch.

"I really can't believe this, Alison," I manage to choke out.

"There's one more thing," she brushes past me towards a random bag in the kitchen. It's on top of the bar that separates the kitchen and common room.

She faces me again, holding the surprise behind her back. I anxiously try to peek over her shoulder, but she keeps adjusting her body so that I can't see.

"This is really, really important to me, Em," she emphasizes every word as she slowly steps towards me. "I know it doesn't look valuable, but trust me, it is. To me, at least."

I nod frantically, not sure what's going to happen next.

She takes a deep breath and holds out a beautiful snow globe for me.

"My grandma gave it to me right before she died," Alison says sadly, eyes staring in reverence at the beautiful object. "She said to give it to someone truly special. I would say that you fit that bill pretty well."

I lick my lips and take in the beautiful snow globe.

It reminds me of fall, the time when I met Alison. There's a single, bare tree in the middle of the globe, accompanied by the figure of an old woman with a cane. I shake the globe and colored leaves flit all around the glass. Just holding it in my hands makes me smile.

Alison stares at me through the globe, sucking her cheeks in and clearly waiting for a response.

I shake my head, unsure of what to say. I just want to make sure that she's actually giving it to me and not just showing me it.

"Alison," I try. "Wow."

She watches me anxiously.

"You're," I pause, "g-giving this to me?"

With her eyes, she wordlessly tells me yes.

"Can I put it on the mantle?" I ask timidly. I honestly don't want to hold it for fear of dropping it and having it shatter all over the floor. She doesn't move, but her eyes follow me as I place it on the spot right above our stockings. When I turn back to face her, there's something different in her eyes. Her jaw is clenched and I can see her temples trembling as if she's deeply thinking about something.

"A-Alison?"

She continues to stare at me. Even from across the room I can see that she's breathing heavily. It almost seems like she's having an internal struggle. I raise my eyebrows with concern and start to walk towards her.

She blinks a couple of times quickly, but the look doesn't leave her eyes.

"You are so beautiful," she says suddenly, causing me to jump.

With two swift steps, her body is against mine and her lips are crashing into mine. The passion of the kiss takes me off guard and I almost stumble backwards into the fire.

She takes control of the situation and leads me away from the fireplace and away from danger. Before my mind can even register it, she's leading me down one of the hallways that I saw when I first came in.

She blindly uses one of her hands to feel her way down the hall and uses the other to tug at my hair and massage my neck.

She fiddles with a door and it's a few moments before she forces it open.

I let her lead me wherever she wants, still engrossed in the kiss. My legs buckle as the back of my knees hit something solid. She shoves me backwards and I fall onto a comfortable mattress. Her lips explore down my jawline to my neck as she climbs on top of me.

"Alison," I pant, gasping for air.

She pulls away from the kiss and stares in my eyes. They search my dark ones, but I'm not sure for what.

"Alison," I repeat, not sure why I'm saying her name.

"Emily," she says, out of breath. When I don't answer, she leans back into my neck and starts to suck lightly.

"Alison," I say for a third time, a little louder and more frantic than the last two times.

She pulls away, this time a little impatiently, and looks into my eyes.

"Don't stop," is all I say. A coy smirk flutters across her face as she begins to kiss my neck again. I can feel her teeth brush across my bare skin, sending shivers down my spine and giving me goose-bumps.

She slowly moves us up towards the headboard of the bed in small motions, careful not to break our kisses.

"Ah," I accidentally squeak as her hands find their way under my shirt and on my bare torso. She lightly touches my abs and moves even higher up. I tighten my grasp around her shoulders as she continues to move higher and higher up my torso, eventually just pulling my shirt off completely.

I inhale sharply when my naked body is exposed, but Alison's body warmth keeps me warm, too. Even though it's freezing outside, it's heated in this bedroom.

We continue to explore each other throughout the entire night. I feel like my heart is exploding every time she kisses me in a new place.

I was always worried about what my first time would be like. I never wanted it to be drunk or with someone I didn't care about. I thought it was going to be awkward or sloppy, and to be completely honest, I've always dreaded it.

But with Alison, I'm not worried about any of that. I'm glad that she is my first, and I seriously hope that she's my last. Her kisses and touches are soft and gentle; I can tell that she truly cares about me in the same way that I care about her.

I could be with Alison forever. And by the way she's touching me, I hope that's how it works out.

* * *

**so i don't know if you can tell, but i don't write sexy scenes very often. if you guys want more, let me know. i can go more detailed in the next one. but if you like how i did it here, then i'll just keep doing that! whatever you guys prefer :D**

**thanks so much for reading! i hope you liked ittttttttt. i'll update soon!**


	17. Chapter 16

**hehehe... hai guys... miss me? :) just kidding, i'm terrible. i'm sorry. i know i always say that i won't ever make you wait that long again before an update, but life just gets in the way of my promises! ugh. okay, so it's no secret that i'm winding down with this story. i'm in the process of starting a new Emison love story though!**

**this is actually the second to last chapter. it's mostly a setup for the ending, so, apologies about that.. **

**i really hope you guys enjoy!**

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Chapter 16

The end of January is rolling around; it's been about three and a half weeks since Alison and I spent New Year's together. To say that things have been weird between us would be an understatement.

I wear the bracelet she gave me every single day. The framed photo of us stands proudly on my bedside table. It's the first thing I see every morning and the last thing every night. Her snow globe resides on my desk where the natural light from outside can reflect upon it, causing the snowflakes to glitter and glimmer.

"Emily!" a cheerful voice calls from behind me.

A shadow is cast over me as I sit at one of the tables outside the front of school. The absence of sunlight, even for this split moment, causes me to shiver.

"Hey, Hanna," I smile. She leans down and hugs me before taking a seat opposite of me at the table. She pulls out a notebook and starts to scribble in it.

"What's up?" she asks, returning my smile. She taps her pen against the table and stares at me expectantly.

"Just hanging out, I guess," I answer, a little skeptically. I nervously jangle the golden charm bracelet on my wrist. My thumb absentmindedly brushes against the heart with Ali and my initials engraved on it.

She doesn't say anything, but instead watches my fingers' movements. I find myself growing self-conscious and my face heats up.

I breathe out a sigh of relief when I see Aria walking up from behind Hanna.

"Hey," she greets, taking a seat on one of the empty benches at the table. Spencer arrives within moments and sits down across from her, wordlessly greeting us. My three best friends stare at me, waiting for some kind of juicy gossip.

"What?" I laugh nervously, pretending not to know why they're staring at me.

Yesterday, I hung out with them all day while Alison was out shopping with her mom. We spent the whole day in Spencer's barn—which I guess is now considered my room—watching movies and laughing.

Well, I _tried_ to watch the movies. They devoted their day to harassing me about asking Ali to the winter ball next week. Hanna and Spencer were the most avid, and Aria was just saying that it's about time Alison and I become a public item.

I completely agree with her. In fact, I agree with all of them. There's absolutely nothing I'd rather do more than hold her hand while walking through the halls or kiss her outside of The Brew.

The only problem is that Alison still isn't on board. I had hoped that spending that time together in the cabin would alter her static opinion, but it clearly didn't. She's denied my advances, brushing each one off like it's nothing. Her frosty demeanor has actually started to hurt my feelings a little, which I think is why the other girls decided to step in.

They think that I should ask her to the dance; I should basically give her an ultimatum. Either we go to the dance together publically or we stop whatever relationship we have going on privately. They hate seeing me upset, and being Alison's dirty little secret has honestly started to get to me. They seem certain that Alison's hands would be tied; she would have no choice but to go with me.

But I don't like the idea of backing her into a corner. I want _her_ to want to go public about our relationship. I know that she isn't like embarrassed of our relationship, but sometimes I have my doubts. She's become so cautious about slipping up that she doesn't even talk to me during school. She sits on the opposite side of the classroom as me during English and ignores me during lunch.

I can feel my eyes glazing over as the girls gush about their 'brilliant plan' for my personal life. When Hanna greets Alison, I almost think that she's just trying to get a rise out of me because she's staring at _me_, not Alison. I'm jarred from my thoughts and I glare at Hanna, chewing my lip. Before I can chastise her for trying to disrupt my thoughts, Alison's voice interrupts me.

"Hey, ladies," her soft voice strokes my ears. In less than a second, she appears from behind me and sits on the bench next to Spencer—but not on the other side of Spencer, so that she's sitting next to Hanna, too. Not me. I clear my throat and try to act like it doesn't bother me.

She ignores me and immediately strikes up a conversation with Aria. My stomach sinks as I can't help but think that she's doing this so that she doesn't even have to look at me.

I watch her lips as she speaks. They shimmer under the sun because of the light pink gloss that coats them. Her eyes flicker in my direction occasionally, but not as often as I would like them to. Her stupid cold shoulder game has really started to annoy me.

"Alison," I say a little louder than I meant to. My voice is clearly strained with irritation. She looks up at me, a little surprised at my tone.

I notice the other girls' gazes shift uneasily between each other. They stand up awkwardly, Spencer first. She gives a lame excuse and then drags Aria off with her. Hanna gathers her scattered belongings quickly and darts after them.

"Hi, Emily," she replies sweetly, finally looking me in the eye. I can't help but think that she can finally look at me because no one else is around. Her soothing voice shoots unwelcome electricity throughout my body. I adjust my position and cross my legs.

"We need to talk," I tell her firmly.

"I'm listening," she continues to stare at me. She tilts her head and leans her elbows on the table.

I'm almost shaking with anger. I rake my fingers through my hair in frustration, trying to find the right words.

The bell rings, indicating it's the start of first period. Neither of us move as the swarm of classmates make their way around us to homeroom.

I want to scream at her. I want her to hurt the way that she has been hurting me these past couple of weeks. I give her a stony glare, but her expression remains emotionless. She stares at me blankly, waiting for me to speak.

I ball my hands up into fists and hide them under the table. I take a few deep, deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. Nothing good can possibly come from an outburst like this. I decide to take a different approach in attempting to crack her hard exterior.

"Well?" she demands, sounding a little impatient. She takes a few sharp looks around her to see if there's anyone nearby.

"Will you go to the Winter Ball with me?" I ask lamely. Her face falls and for a second I think she's going to cry. She clears her throat noisily and starts to pack up her stuff without saying anything.

"W-why do you keep ignoring me?" I mean to sound tough, but my voice wavers and gives me away. My intense façade crumbles under her gaze and I find myself tearing up. She opens her mouth to speak but instead bites her bottom lip; her pink lip gloss smudges against her teeth.

"I'm not ignoring you," she responds softly. She glances around her a couple more times, her eyes lingering on someone behind me.

I raise my eyebrows at her, unconvinced. She sighs, and I could have sworn I saw her roll her eyes.

"I really can't talk about this here, Emily," she says slowly, still watching the person behind me. I turn around to see who's there, but by the time I do, they're gone. Only two intertwined trees stand in the person's place.

"Alison, come to the dance with me," I say with more confidence this time, my voice clearly more forceful.

She stands up abruptly, messily slinging her backpack over her shoulder. She raises her hand to her face and rubs her eyes. I spastically lunge forward and grab her other hand to keep her from running away. She stares at it for a few moments before pulling away from my grasp.

"I can't," she whispers, strained.

"Alison," I beg, standing up myself. I reach out for one last attempt and futilely grab onto her arm. My hand limply encircles her bicep. She looks down at the contact and throws her head back, blinking furiously.

"Alison, please," I plead. I pull her closer to me as the tears start to stream down my face.

"I can't," she repeats, her head still thrown back. She finally looks down at me, and her eyes are unlike I've ever seen them before. Her icy blue eyes look me up and down, and I can't help but shiver from the unwanted attention. In my lapse of concentration, she pulls her arm from my clasp and starts to walk away.

"Ali—"

"Just don't talk," she cuts me off and starts to stride away from me.

"Alison!" I call after her. I rediscover movement in my legs and I bound after her, cutting her off when she reaches the stairs leading up to the school. "Alison, stop, please."

I hold my hands out in front of me, on an even level with her shoulders. If she stepped forward even the slightest bit, we would be touching. My bracelet glints under the sunlight, catching both of our attention.

"You've made me late for class, Emily," she states coldly, looking away from her Christmas present and into my eyes. I hate the way she spits my name out. The wind picks up and swirls around us, but I find myself shuddering because of her.

She pushes past me, my arms lifelessly falling to my sides. The clicking sound of her heels against the stone stops for a moment. I hear them slide as if she has turned around. I turn to face her, hopeful.

"I can't be what you want me to be, Emily," she admits, the tough exterior melting away a little. Her voice shakes in the beginning, but then becomes stronger, "But more than that, I won't. I won't be labeled. I spent way too many years building up my reputation just for it to be thrown away."

A crease forms between my eyebrows and I shake my head slowly, my mind slowly registering what she's saying.

"Alison—"

"I'm done, Emily," she cuts me off again. When I don't say anything, she clarifies. "Whatever this is, or was, I'm done. Go find another girl to dance under the gymnasium roof with."

My mouth dries completely as she turns her heel and leaves me alone without a word. I swallow, trying to lubricate my throat, but instead I just taste blood.

I can't support myself anymore, and I fall forward onto my knees. They bruise immediately upon the impact against the ground. It hurts, but nothing could ever come close to the pain I feel in my heart. It seriously feels like Alison took a knife to it, stabbing it repeatedly until it was drained of blood. Now, all that remains is an empty, useless memory of something that used to beat so strong.

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**woo! so that was angst-filled. gotta have one last dramatic fight haha. like i said before, the next chapter will most likely be the last chapter in this story. thanks so much for hopping on this ride with me and hanging on through the end :)**

**please review and lemme know what you think! i always appreciate the feedback!**

**i'm currently working on two other emison stories, actually. one of them i have a lot written, but i want to go back and alter it a little. the other, i'm in the process of beginning. i'm not sure exactly if it's a good idea or not... anyways, i'll stop spamming you guys haha. if any of you want to hear about them or if you have any suggestions or prompts for me, PLEASE don't hesitate to pm me! i love hearing from you guys and bouncing off ideas :)))**

**have a great night!**


	18. Chapter 17

**i decided not to torture you guys ;) here's the final chapter of "Do You Love Me?" i really hope you guys enjoy! i've had so much fun going on this journey with you all, and i'm so thankful that you've stuck with me :)**

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Chapter 17

I rub my temples futilely. I spent yet another night in my mom's liquor cabinet, and I was definitely feeling the aftermath of that decision.

I have absolutely _no idea_ how Hanna convinced me to still go to the dance tonight. I sit on the corner of her bed and watch as she applies makeup to Spencer's face. Aria sits on a stool beside Spencer, entranced by watching Hanna work her magic.

Hanna sees me watching them in the mirror and gives me a close-lipped smile. She finishes applying the last of the eye shadow to perfect Spencer's smoky-eye look and turns to face me.

"So, have we decided who's going with whom?" she asks flirtatiously and bats her eyelashes at Aria. Spencer rolls her eyes and looks at me, an exasperated expression on her face.

I force a smile, but I know that my friends can all tell that it's fake.

None of us have talked to Alison since the fiasco last week. It's not because they're taking sides, but Alison hasn't _let_ them talk to her. She acts like if she stays in the vicinity of one of us for too long, she's going to spontaneously combust. So, needless to say, she's avoided all of us like the plague. And she's avoided me like I'm the one who's the most contagious.

Hanna came up with the brilliant idea that all four of us would go to the dance together—no boys. Yes, they're still dating their respective boyfriends, but they all decided that my 'situation' called for something drastic. I appreciate the efforts, but I really just wanted to spend another night crying over Alison with a vodka bottle.

When I come out of my thoughts, Spencer, Aria, and Hanna are all staring at me expectantly. It's clear that I was spaced out, so Hanna decides to fill me in.

"Okay, then that means, Emily, you're going with me!" she squeals and lunges forward to embrace me. She knocks me so that I'm lying down on my back. I roll my eyes and pat her back awkwardly.

"Oh, Emily, I'm so jealous of your date," Spencer says sarcastically, her monotonous voice adding to the joke. I try to bite back a smile, but can't. Someone pulls Hanna off of me and I can finally breathe again.

I stand up off of the bed and smooth my dress back down. My fingers linger on the deep purple fabric.

This is Alison's favorite color on me.

My throat goes dry. Before I can lose myself in my thoughts, Hanna's ringtone blares noisily.

"Jesus, Hanna, that ringtone sucks," Spencer pinches the bridge of her nose. Hanna jokingly shoves her and picks up her phone.

The smile on her face vanishes in a split second. Aria notices and cranes her neck to see who's calling. Just like Hanna, her face gets pale and she stops smiling. She gives Spencer a wide-eyed look, which I don't understand.

"Who is it?" I ask, uncertainty laced in my voice.

"What?" Hanna looks up at me, startled. She glances at Aria and Spencer, silently communicating with them. When the other two don't seem like they're going to speak, Aria sighs.

"It's her dad," she finally consents, looking at me seriously. Hanna slaps Aria's shoulder, looking disappointed.

"What about him?" I'm so confused. I furrow my eyebrows and spend equal time staring at each friend.

"Listen, I have to take this," Hanna says anxiously. "But can we not talk about it until later? I want to make sure we all have a great night."

Before I can answer, she brushes past me and exits her bedroom. I expect to hear her voice outside of the door, but instead I hear the front door open and close. I look at Spencer, and then Aria, waiting for one of them to fill me in.

Aria sighs again and shakes her head.

"It's Hanna's place to tell you," she says.

I frown, unsure of what's going on. Judging by the look on Aria's face when she saw the caller-id, it didn't seem like it was Hanna's dad. I glance at Spencer, hoping her face will give her away. But she seems to have forgotten that I'm even in the room. Instead, she lightly taps her lips with her finger until the gloss meets her expectations.

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We arrive to the ball thirty minutes late—Hanna insisted. She says that only dorks arrive on time to anything, which explains why I'm always waiting for her for what seems like hours whenever we schedule coffee dates.

She doesn't waste any time whipping out her flask. She wiggles her eyebrows at me and takes a few swigs. Spencer snatches the flask from her grip, causing Hanna to noticeably deflate.

"What the hell are you doing?" she hisses, slapping Hanna's hand when she tries to grab it back. I chuckle at their banter.

"Ugh, you're no fun, Spencer," Hanna whines. She slumps her shoulders and pulls me out to the dance floor. She grabs Aria with her free hand, who in turn grabs onto Spencer. All linked together, we make our way to the middle of the dance floor.

We're only there for a few moments before Hanna starts to look around for someone. I try to follow her gaze, but when she notices me doing so, she brings the attention away from herself.

"Get it, Aria!" she catcalls over the music. Aria rolls her eyes and continues to dance as if nothing happened.

Watching Spencer dance is probably the funniest thing I've ever seen. In her own words, she's 'breaking it down.' It looks more like her dress is on fire and the only way to put it out is to frantically move her limbs in all directions.

I'm crying laughing by the time the song ends, holding onto Aria's hand. Hanna latches onto my arm and buries her head into my chest, laughing just as hard. Spencer doesn't seem to understand why we're all having such a good time, but she doesn't question it.

The music stops and I groan. I was having so much fun! The next song begins with a slow piano introduction. Spencer and Aria exchange an awkward look and walk off towards the punch bowl.

Ugh, I hate slow songs. Before I can weasel my way off of the dance floor and follow them, Hanna grabs ahold of my hand and pulls me back into her.

"You're not going anywhere," she laughs, but her voice sounds distant. She holds me close like we're a couple, which causes me to stiffen.

The first few words start playing. It's "Say Something" by A Great Big World featuring Christina Aguilera. I smile sadly to myself; this song always reminds me of Alison for some reason. I bite down on my lip hard, silently cursing at myself. I had made it through an hour without thinking of her, and now I can feel my world starting to crash. Hanna hugs me tighter, and I hear her sigh in relief at something. Her wide smile ruffles my hair a little bit.

There's a light tap on my shoulder.

"May I cut in?" a familiar voice asks from behind me. All of the blood drains from my face.

I whip around so that I'm face to face with Alison. My lungs deplete and I find it impossible to take a breath. I gasp for air, but Alison has successfully taken that from me, too.

Hanna lets go of me slowly, holding onto my elbows. She gives me an encouraging smile before hugging the person behind me and heading off in the direction the other girls went in.

Alison stands in front of me, smiling softly. I look her up and down, trying hard not to cry. A tight, sky blue dress clings to her body and falls to the ground. Glitter and a few rhinestones sparkle under the lights above us. I love that she's wearing her hair my favorite way—half up, half down, with a diamond clasp holding her hair back. She tucks a small strand of hair behind her ear and bites her lip, waiting for me to say something.

When I don't, she takes a step towards me. I expect myself to instinctively take a step away from her, but my feet are glued to the spot. She embraces me, holding me in her arms while we dance in small, concise circles.

I try to speak, but I can't.

Alison pulls me in so close that our chests are against each other. I'm about to apologize about my heart pounding when I notice that hers is beating just as fast. She rests her head on my shoulder; I can hear her steady breathing in my ear.

She hums along with the music, her melodic voice echoing in my mind. My breathing stalls with every warm breath that strokes my neck.

She pulls away a little bit so that she can look me in the eyes.

"I'm sorry," she tells me. Her voice is soft and quiet, and I have to lean forward to even hear what she says.

The song ends and another fast one begins, but we don't move from our embrace. After a few seconds, she laces our fingers and pulls me off towards the side of the gymnasium. I can hear people starting to gossip around us, but Alison doesn't seem to even notice. Their eyes follow us, clearly intrigued by our relationship. She stops suddenly in front of the bleachers and waits for me to speak.

"For what exactly?" I ask, my voice hoarse. I try to clear my throat, but it feels like there will be something caught in it forever.

She looks at the ground for a moment. When she glances back up at me, tears are in her cerulean eyes. I bite back my own tears.

"Everything," she whispers. She raises a hand to my cheek and gently brushes it with the pad of her thumb. "I was so stupid."

"Alison—" I start, but quickly realize I have nothing to say. I don't know how to respond to her.

"I can explain," her hand wanders off of my face and into my hair, which she lightly combs through. Her delicate fingers linger at the ends. Catcalls arise from every direction, clear that we're the subject of everyone's gaze. Alison bristles under the attention.

"Go on," I croak.

"My mom paid Jason to watch me at school," she rolls her eyes. "She told me that if our," she hesitates, aware that people are listening, "relationship continues, then I wouldn't be allowed in her house any longer."

She bites her lip and sucks in her cheeks. "I was so selfish, Em. I was so selfish and so scared; I didn't know what to do."

"So what changed your mind?"

Before she can respond, a group of girls beside us burst out in shrill laughter. They point in our direction, clearly directing their jokes at us; Alison looks over at them with a cold expression.

"Can I help you?" she snarls. She takes a few steps towards them, causing them to scurry away from us.

Pleased with herself, she turns back to me. Her hard expression softens as soon as we make eye contact. She squeezes her eyes shut, clearly perplexed.

"Alison," I mumble. I tentatively raise my hand until it makes contact with her upper arm. She doesn't acknowledge the contact.

"Emily," she says suddenly, opening her eyes. "I want to be with you and only you."

"Okay," I say, glancing around. People have started to flock back around us. "Alison, there's people—"

"Do I look like I care?" she cuts me off and puts a finger to my lips to shut me up. There's a gasp from the crowd, but Alison ignores it. "I called Hanna tonight before the dance. I had to explain everything to her."

So that was _Alison_ that called? That explains why all of the girls had been acting so weird and Hanna had to go outside to take the call.

But what was she explaining exactly? That she broke my heart? Hanna already knew that.

Answering my inner questions, she continues, "I had to explain to her that I'm homeless now. I told my family that I was tired of pretending to be someone that I'm not. I want to be the person I am when I'm with you. I want to be the real Alison, not some fake debutante that everyone worships. They don't know anything about me, Emily. _You_ do. You know _me_, and you still loved me."

"Loved?" I question, emphasizing the past tense.

"I love you. More than anything and everything in the world combined," she tells me seriously, ignoring my comment. "I know I messed up. A lot. But I'm begging you for the chance to make it right. I swear that I'll be spending the rest of my life making it up to you."

She looks like she's about to say something else, but I don't let her.

I lean forward and kiss her open mouth. It's a little hesitant at first because I'm not sure if she's going to push me away, but she doesn't. Instead, she pulls me in closer and wraps her arms around my neck. More gasps and catcalls erupt from the crowd, but Alison doesn't pay any attention to them.

She breaks the kiss, breathing heavily. I smile, not sure what to say, which she returns with a wink. She gives me the smile that I know she only uses when she's around me, and my heart starts beating even faster—I didn't know that was possible.

"Emily," she begins shyly. "Do you… do you love me?"

What kind of question is that? I almost scoff.

"You're the reason why I know love exists, Ali," I respond.

A blush rises on her cheeks and she smiles wider, emphasizing her dimples.

"Will you be my girlfriend—again?" she asks. Then clarifies, "Publically, this time."

I kiss her forehead and pull her into a hug, resting my head on her shoulder this time.

"Of course," I whisper in her ear. She tightens the embrace and kisses my cheek swiftly.

I grin, unsure of how to respond. She pulls away a little bit and grabs onto my hands. I narrow my eyes when I feel her place a small object in the palm of my hand. She takes her hands away and I look down.

One tiny, golden key resides in the middle of my hand. I recognize it immediately as the key to the diary I gave her for Christmas. I don't even have time to respond before her lips are against mine again.

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Epilogue

Alison is such a mystery to me, and I think she always will be. I don't possess the gifts she does—I can't read people's minds or anything. The only thing I can do is put on my seatbelt and enjoy the ride.

And that's exactly what I've been doing for the past five years. I glance down at the diamond ring in my palm and smile to myself. Ali is graduating a semester early from UCLA tonight, and I'm going to propose. I know that we've had our ups and downs, especially in the beginning of our relationship, but I've never been more certain of anything in my life. I would go through all of the downs a million more times if I knew that it was going to lead to this: to spending the rest of my life with her.

I close my fingers around the ring and clutch it tightly against my heart.

I hope she likes Paris, because I think that's where I want our honeymoon to be. She would look so good on top of the Eiffel Tower.

~~END~~

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**so that's it! i really hope you guys liked the way it ended. thanks so much for reading :) please review and let me know what you think!**

**like i said in the chapter before, i'm taking requests for prompts for my next story. just pm me! i love hearing from you guys.**

**i'm currently working on one fic of emily and alison as roommates in college, and i'll upload the first chapter to that soon! the other one i'm working on i'm a little more hesitant to upload. i wrote the first couple chapters of the five liars going to hogwarts- it's an AU, but not a crossover. i just thought it would be cool to add a supernatural element to pll. so hogwarts would just be the setting, and they would be going to all of the classes, playing quidditch, etc. but there's no like characters representing harry, ron, voldemort, etc. i hope that makes sense... lemme know your thoughts! if i get enough positive responses to either of those stories, i'll upload them asap. i just want to make sure i'm not doing things you guys don't want!**

**thanks again for sticking with me until the end! i had so much fun writing this story and hearing back from all of you. you're all incredible! have a great day!**

**-Kat**


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